


gonna stand out ('till you notice me)

by weddingbells



Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band), X Factor (UK) RPF
Genre: Flirting, Humor, M/M, Sex, contestant!louis, harryliamniall in a band, judge!nick, slight mayshaw, slight zarry - Freeform, x factor - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-27
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-03 15:21:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 49,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5296421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weddingbells/pseuds/weddingbells
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>Thankfully Simon stands up, interrupting their conversation.</i><br/>“Well that’s a wrap everyone, now it’s time for bootcamp and that’s when it really begins. Now, wipe up your drool Grimshaw and let’s go home, okay?”<br/>“I was not drooling!” Nick tries again, turning to Cheryl for support but Cheryl just laughs, shaking her head as she puts a well-manicured hand on Nick’s shoulder.<br/>“It’s okay honey, we all get those moments don’t we?”<br/>The thing is that Nick doesn’t. He doesn’t get like this, hasn’t in years and he feels oddly guilty about it, that this contestant, this... Louis managed to affect him so much with just his voice.</p><p> </p><p>Nick is a judge. Louis is a contestant. And this journey is about more than just music and the X Factor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> for my nanowrimo this year i wrote tomlinshaw at x factor! this was way more difficult than i thought it would be but i enjoyed writing this so much. i will post one chapter each week (6 of them) and i really hope that you can enjoy this as much as i did. i want to thank my wonderful betas who helped me get through this, because without you this would just be a mess and nothing else, believe me. so @pinkalldaypinkallnight @ithrewoneboxoftea @shnixangel @politeaffection (on tumblr) HUGE THANK YOU i owe you my first borns and cookies xx

When Nick gets the news, it’s from a text message coming in to his phone that is hidden way deep down under a pile of clothes. He has never heard a text signal sound that loud, but then again he _did_ have lots to drink the night before and he still isn’t sure if he is hungover or just drunk. He grunts, and that’s when Michael slaps his arm over his face in the loving way Michael always does.

“Grim, turn that bloody thing off.” He mutters and Nick would say something about him needing to ask nicely, but Nick is already on his way to find the phone. Why is it so hidden? Why is a text signal this annoying? _Why is this his life_? He falls down to his knees on the soft rug, determining that the sound must be coming  from the pile of clothes on the floor, and starts looking through them to find the pocket that is currently hiding this loud, annoying thing that is ruining both of their mornings.

“There you are,” he cheers to himself quietly enoughthat he isn’t actually sure he even spoke or just thought the sentence as he finds the phone. It’s in the last pocket of his jeans that he checks. _Typical._ Ah, turns out it wasn’t actually a text but a phone call, and well, that explains everything. For a moment, Nick scolds himself for not being able to tell the difference between  his text signal and  his call signal. How much did he actually have to drink last night? He needs to make sure that it stops anyway. He lifts the phone up in triumph, looking at the screen.

Nick doesn’t know the number and if he wasn’t so curious he would probably not reply, but now he is. Curious, and a bit _annoyed_ with the person calling this early, and he figures it will be better to just pick up the phone, answer the call, be a good person, so on and so on. All these little things in life that makes things so much easier for everyone. So, he swipes the green symbol to the side and lifts the phone to his ear.

“’ello?”

“Take it outside,” Michael mutters, now hiding under Nick’s pillows. Both of them. Quite rude of him to take _both_ pillows. Nick doesn’t start arguing about that though, while he waits for the person on the other end of the line to speak up.  Instead, he just reaches for a pair of boxers, jumping into them gracefully (tripping and knocking over a lamp, actually) as the phone is pinned between his cheek and shoulder.

“You got it!” a loud voice says, and Nick grimaces at that. _God_ , people need to learn the proper volume for speaking when it’s 8am on a Saturday. Especially if they call him when he has been out drinking the night before. He wonders in the future if you can get your phone to warn people about that as they call. Something like ‘ _Hello, you are about to call Nicholas Peter Grimshaw. Please be advised that he actually had lots of alcohol last night, and is most likely looking forward to a day with soft voices and lots of pizza. Please be kind, gentle, don’t scream in his ear. Thank you.”_ He needs to pitch that idea to someone.

“Huh?” he says, because well, that’s all he can come up with. “Who is this? And what did I get?”

“It’s Simon,” he hears on the other end, and well now Nick wonders just how drunk he is if he didn’t even recognize Simon’s voice. “Cowell. You got it. Wanted to give you the good news myself, so I told the other lads they didn’t have to. Well you got it, Nick. It’s all yours.”

Nick blinks. It takes him a while, awkwardly so, to realise though what it is that Simon means that he’s got.

“You mean…” he says slowly after a while, and Simon hums approvingly.

“Yep, job is yours. Welcome, Mr. Judge.”

Nick almost trips again. Stumbles, falls over, but no, because he manages to grab hold of the kitchen table and not _actually_ fall over. He stands there for a moment, gripping on to the cold surface as his mind just tries to process what he was just told. This is crazy. This is actually more than crazy. This is insane, this is just not one of those things that happens to him. It’s really not.

“I got it?” he whispers, and Simon starts laughing. His laughter is also a bit too loud, but right now, Nick’s hangover needs to make room for Nick’s happy feelings, and he doesn’t really care about being hungover anymore.

“Yep, it’s all yours. You are one of my judges. And well, X Factor starts filming soon so… be prepared, right? I’ll send all the paperwork over to your people for them to look over, and well, you can look over it as well, but for now just be excited, right? You are one of us!”

Nick can’t even find the words to speak. He isn’t sure how to respond, how to react properly. How do you react properly to something like this? He hasn’t been taught this at all.

“I got it?” he asks instead, because it’s really the only thing he can come up with. Pathetic, really, but he doesn’t know what else to say. Simon just laughs at it though, so he doesn’t seem to be judging Nick for it. Hah, _judging_. Funny. Nick’s hungover, tired, overexcited brain is apparently the most hilarious thing on the planet.

“I will see you Monday, Nick,” Simon tells him before he hangs up, and Nick stands with the phone against his ear for a good minute before he realises the call actually ended.

He doesn’t actually realise it until Michael gets out of the bedroom, looking sleepy with messy hair and dressed in Nick’s sweats. Pig follows him, looking just as sleepy, before she walks over to her bowl of water and then settles on one of her chewing toys in the middle of the sitting room.

“What was that about?” Michael asks, and finally Nick can react.

And he reacts.

He lets out a loud, happy scream, jumping up and down as his body seems to forget all about being drunk and tired and actually sore. Michael just laughs and shakes his head.

“Remind me to ask you to get some of whatever it is you are on next time we are out.”

“Michael, I got it!” Nick says, grabbing Michael’s arms and taking him for a little spin and dance. Michael looks very surprised, and not entirely pleased, but he doesn’t pull away as Nick manages to twirl him around without knocking much over, only almost knocking over one of the lamps he got from Gillian the other year, and he never really liked that lamp that much anyway.

“What did you get?” Michael asks as he breaks free from Nick’s dancing. He sits down, starting the coffee maker. “Crazy pills? Because sounds like it.”

“No, idiot!” Nick grins, leaning in to plant a wet, messy kiss on his lips. “I got the X Factor job. I’m gonna be a judge!”

For a moment, Michael just stares. It’s like he is trying to process this information he has been given, and like it’s way too early for this, considering the way his eyes don’t quite seem to light up  the way they do once he finally gets it. But then his jaw drops, and he lets out a surprised little gasp.

“Fuck, you’re serious? You’re really serious?”

Nick grins, nodding again as Michael sits up, quickly walking over to wrap his arms around Nick. This time it’s Nick who is spun around in circles, and now Nick actually feels a bit dizzy but again – not time for that, just for happy feelings. Happy all the way.

“Yes, yes I’m serious!” Nick laughs, feeling a bit like if he was a person that cried when he was happy, he would be crying right now. “I’m so very serious.”

“Fuck, congratulations mate,” Michael whispers, pressing his lips against Nick’s ear as he does. “I know you’ve wanted this. You deserve it. When do you start?”

“Monday, apparently,” Nick laughs and shakes his head. “God, guess I’ll be working two jobs now, huh? Radio DJ by day, judge by night.”

“Sounds like a really bad movie,” Michael comments with a wide grin, before he turns his attention back to the coffee maker. “I think it’s gonna be great.”

Nick leans against the wall, closing his eyes. Yes, he thinks so too.

“Wow, you are actually going to be like… wow,” Michael can’t find the words and really, Nick doesn’t blame him. He can’t either. This has been one crazy morning considering he’s only been out of bed for 20 minutes.

“I know,” he says, and gives Michael a hug before Michael gets busy with the coffee. “You will come and visit right? On the show, and you have to meet the people I will mentor, and then…”

“Okay, slow down. We will figure all that out as it happens,” Michael laughs and pulls away from Nick’s embrace to finally get his cup of coffee. He sips it, before glancing back up at Nick. “I am really happy for you, hun.”

Nick can’t stop smiling.

“God, I’m actually gonna be a judge,” he says, leaning down over the kitchen table, his face in his hands as if he is feeling dizzy f the whole situation. He is feeling a bit dizzy, actually, though, he is pretty sure it’s not from the hangover. “God, can you believe I’m going to be a judge?”

“Can’t believe they actually want you on TV for that long,” Michael teases him, and Nick sticks his tongue out. He is very mature like that. “No but honestly, that’s amazing Nick. So amazing, I’m so very very happy for you.”

Nick nods. He really can’t stop smiling.

“I’m gonna be a judge,” he repeats, letting it sink in. “I’m gonna be a judge on The X factor.”

\--

Simon Cowell’s office is bigger than Nick thinks an office should be, but he can also see that maybe it’s necessary to have such a big office when you want to have meetings like this. Apart from Nick and Simon, Rita and Cheryl are ther, as well as five people from production, and some people who Nick thinks are lawyers or representatives for Simon. Nick had sent his papers over to his team, and theywent over them and said they were fine, so Nick hopes that whatever it is these people are doing here it’s not to drop a bomb on them that they really just signed over their souls or something. Nick glances over at Rita and smiles. He is about to say something to her about what he is thinking, when Simon hangs up the phone call he’s been on and clears his throat.

“Well, welcome everybody. A new season of X Factor is about to start.”

Nick’s smile widens, partly because he is so excited about this, partly because Simon’s tone made him sound like Dumbledore holding his beginning of term speech. He doesn’t dare to look over at Rita now, because he is sure she thought the same thing and that the look on her face will make Nick laugh. He forces himself to be serious, giving a discreet cough.

“Well as you know, the fact that you are new judges is top secret,” Simon starts saying, before shaking his head. “Which means _The Sun_ will probably have it soon, but we will try to keep it quiet, okay? So it will be a surprise for everyone. We are making lots of changes this year and I hope that you are all ready to give me a new band to help this year. I have a feeling it’s the year of the bands. But you know, as long as we can find a star, it will be good.”

Nick listens as Simon talks. He talks a lot, and even if Nick listens to most of it and considers himself a good listener, it is a bit difficult to _not_ zone out. Soon though, Simon seems finished, and Nick breathes out.

“Any questions?”

“When do we start the auditions?” Rita asks, and Nick is happy she did so he didn’t have to. “How many days?”

“We’ll start them in May, and then we will do a couple of days in each of the big cities. We will probably have many long hours in front of us.”

“I can’t wait!” Nick says excited because he really can’t. This is exciting. “We will see so much talent, so many people, so much…”

“Yeah yeah, don’t oversell it,” Cheryl teases him fondly. “But I am looking forward to it too. I think it will be lots of fun to be back.”

“I am glad to have you excited,” Simon says, fixing the papers on the desk in front of him. “Now, let’s go into details.”

\--

“So I finally get to be a judge and I have to share the honour with you,” Rita comments as she grabs her coat. They are going out, dinner and drinks with the friends they have in common, and Nick sends Michael a quick text to make sure he won’t be late. He looks up and grins at Rita.

“Yeah, you know me, I always gotta ruin everything for you.”

“It’s crazy though, innit?” Rita asks, taking a moment to look at herself in the closest mirror they can find, fixing her hair and making sure her eyeliner isn’t completely ruined from a day of sitting in meetings. “I mean, who would have thought they would actually let both of us on the show at the same time? Simon must be crazy.”

“Yes, he really doesn’t know what he is getting himself into,” Nick laughs and then grabs Rita’s arm. “Now, do we want to have everyone waiting for us, or are you finally ready to leave?”

Rita grins.

“Stop rushing me Grimshaw, god. Working with you is already exhausting,”

Nick just grins.

They have picked their favourite pub for drinks and food, and most of the others are already there as they arrive. Their friends all know they got the job, but they are keeping the congratulations quiet like Simon said. They don’t want too many people to find out, and even if it’s a tiny pub with not many guests apart from them right now, there is always a chance that someone could hear and leak it to the media. Nick doesn’t want that happening. He knows it probably will, but he doesn’t want it to be his fault if it does.

Michael is sitting talking to Henry. Nick makes his way over to them, and with no shame, breaks in between them, arm slinging around Michael’s shoulders.

“Did you miss me?” he asks with a grin.Michael just laughs as his arm finds its way around Nick’s waist, giving it a light squeeze.

“Now why would I miss you? I enjoy the peace and quiet,” he grins, and Nick gives him a kiss to shut him up. Henry rolls his eyes.

“Gross.”

“Want one too?” Nick says, blinking at Henry who just laughs, poutinghis lips as he does.

“You know I get jealous easily.”

Nick gives him a quick kiss just to mess with him, and then so does Michael, and Henry starts laughing again before reaching for his pint.

“You are crazy,” he says, looking from Nick to Rita who is talking to Gillian very excitedly about something. “Why did Simon Cowell decide to give you the job again? He must have been drunk.”

“I’m the best darling,” Nick says, blinking again at Henry and then shakes his head. “I have been here five minutes and there is not a pint in my hand yet. This needs to be changed.”

He carefully slips out of Michael’s embrace and makes his way to the bar. Rita does too, ordering some kind of colourful drink Nick can practically smell from the other side of the room. He is tempted to try it, but decides a pint will have to do.

“This is nice, isn’t it?” he asks Rita, and Rita nods.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” she winks, and Nick laughs.

“I’m just saying…”

“Always one for stating the obvious,” Rita grins and then takes her drink back to table, Nick following with his pint.

“To Rita and Nick!” Gillian says as they are all gathered. “For managing to get their dreams… or something close to it anyway,” she raises her glass and the others do the same, cheering.

Nick smiles, looking around at all his friends gathered there,  and Michael giving him a warm smile.

This is really a dream.

\--

“And Nick, congratulations, for landing the job as a new X factor judge!”

Fiona is glowing with pride as she says that, and Nick knows that soon the tweets will come rushing in, even if a few newspapers have already reported that he will be the new judge. Now it’s confirmed, and he feels oddly proud and nervous at the same time.

“Thank you,” he says with a big grin. “Well, this is the worst kept secret of all time but hey, now it’s out, and I get to be properly happy about it. I’m proper excited about all of this.”

“So are we!” Fiona grins, nudging his arm. “So are you gonna cry when you have to send people home?”

Nick laughs loudly at that, not sure why he is but well, the idea of it just seems so weird.

“You know… I think I probably will,” he says though, because,truth to be told, he knows it probably will happen. “I bet this journey will be very emotional.”

“Yeah and let’s not forget that you are big softie,” Fiona grins. Nick shakes his head with a chuckle.

“Shh Fifi, don’t let everyone in on my secret,” he grins, which only makes Fiona laugh harder.

“Secret? Well then you have to change your previous statement  because you being an X Factor judge is not the worst kept secret of all time. It must be you being a big softie because last time I checked…” she grins fondly, “everyone in the world knows about that one.”

Nick grins, and he can’t really come up with anything to say about that other than that she is probably right. Instead he pushes a button, queueing up the next song to play.

“Well guys, here you have it anyway, Nick Grimshaw is a big softie and is gonna be the new judge on The X Factor,” he smiles. “And now here is new music from Coldplay.”

As the song starts playing, Nick leans back and takesout his phone to see how people are reacting to the news. As expected, lots of people wonder why the hell he is going to be a judge, but mostly people seem to be positive about the whole thing. That’s what Nick wants to focus on anyway – focusing on the good things and forgetting the haters. When he looks up again, Fiona is grinning.

“Can’t believe you’re gonna be on TV. Did they really want you there? Thought you had a… radio face.”

“Very, very funny,” Nick grins and then pulls her in for a hug. “That is exactly what Michael said. Or maybe not exactly, but close to it. Did he tell you to say that?”

Fiona lets out a little giggle and shakes her head.

“No hun, I just think in general all of us worry about how you will handle prime time television. And your face. I mean, let’s be honest here…” she looks at him with glimmering eyes. “There is a reason you mostly work on the radio.”

“Hey!” Nick protests loudly, but he can’t help but laugh as well. “I’ve done lots of TV things okay? Lots of it. People love my face. I have a TV _and_ a radio face, not too many people can say they have that, huh? That’s what makes me so special.”

“And full of yourself.”

“You love me.”

“Right, if you stop with the banter, the song is almost over,” Vic interrupts. “And Nick, you actually do have more of a radio face, honey.”

Nick is too excited about this job to talk back to them right now anyway.

“And welcome back listeners,” he says instead, grinning at Fiona. “We were just talking about if Fiona auditioned for The X factor, what would she sing? What do you think? Send us a text and Fiona will do it.”

“I will not do it!” Fiona protests, but she is laughing. “I don’t want to hear Simon say ‘it’s a no from me’ and give me his disappointed look.”

“You’re not worried about me saying no?” Nick asks, eyes widening in faked surprise. Fiona grins and shakes her head.

“Nope, I know you will say yes to me.”

“What makes you so sure?” Nick asks, grinning. “I mean I am a tough judge.”

“Yes,” Fiona says sweetly. “But if you say no to me on X Factor and insult my singing, I will spit in your coffee the next morning. And you don’t want that do you?”

“Seems like Fiona is gonna get a new career!” Nick quickly announces. “Fiona Hanlon everyone, winner of The X Factor 2015.”

They play a cheering sound from the soundboard. Vic looks like _she_ wants a new job. Nick really doesn’t blame her for it.

\--

“Maybe I shouldn’t go.”

Louis’ voice is weak, and he watches Zayn with scared eyes, as if he has just met a ghost or a monster. He looks pale as well, he can feel the colour disappearing from his face and he is pretty sure he might be sick. He grabs hold of the wall for support, feeling dizzy. He doesn’t want this whole thing to start with him throwing up or passing out on the floor.

“Louis, please,” Zayn says. The brunet walks over to him, dark eyes calm as he tilts Louis’ chin up to look him in the eyes. Louis swallows, trying so desperately to be calm, but it’s just difficult. He is really nervous. “You are gonna do just fine. You have prepared for this for a  month, haven’t you? And people have been telling you to go audition for years. Now we’re finally here and believe me, as much as I love spending time in this hotel room, we came here for a reason and that was not to enjoy soft pillows. It was to get you in front of those judges. Now, don’t make me kick your arse so you go out there.”

Zayn laughs, and Louis actually has to laugh too, feeling a bit better about the whole situation now that Zayn is calming him down. He is very grateful that Zayn could come with him. He isn’t sure he would have dared to go to this audition if he had been by himself. Probably, most likely, it would have ended with him chickening out and staying here in his hotel room instead, trying to come up with a lie to tell his family about how he didn’t get through to bootcamp, but that the judges still thought his voice was nice. Or something that would make it sound like he actually went to the audition.

Zayn smiles and pulls him in for a hug as Louis keeps quiet.

“Don’t worry bro, okay? We know you got this. We know your voice is great, you’ve got a great song to sing and well, like they said, you’re not bad to look at either.”

Louis slaps his arm playfully.

“Stop objectifying me, Malik.”

“What!” Zayn protests, grinning wide. I was not saying anything bad. If I wanted to objectify you, I would have grabbed your arse or something.”

He pinches Louis’ arse though, as if to make a point. Louis yelps and slaps his hand away as he giggles.

“God, you are the worst friend ever,” he says fondly, going over to the mirror to look at his own reflection. “Are you sure I should do this? What if I make a fool out of myself? What if…”

“Louis,” Zayn says in a exasperated tone. “Please don’t make me start this pep talk all over. I love you, but I get tired of saying the same things all the time. You will be fine, you won’t make a fool out of yourself. Most likely, you will make them so happy that you auditioned that you will get like… 12 yesses.”

“Only four judges,” Louis enlightens him. Zayn rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, sure whatever. Now, please, are you ready to go?”

Louis looks into the mirror, checking himself out before taking a couple of deep breaths. His reflection stares back at him, looking way more confident than he feels. This is good, that he can fake confidence in front of anyone.

“Yes,” he says finally, grabbing his jacket. “Yes, I’m ready.”

“Finally,” Zayn rolls his eyes, grabbing his phone and wallet. “Let’s go.”

They are halfway out the door when Louis stops again, looking down at his jeans.

“Actually…” he says, looking a bit unsure. “Are you sure about this outfit, Zayn? Maybe I should change. Maybe I should wear something else, this looks…”

“Fucking hell, Louis,” Zayn grunts, and he grabs his arm, pulling him out through the door and closing it. “You are not changing clothes. We are going to this audition even if I have to carry you. Now hurry up! They won’t be there forever.”

“I’m just saying…” Louis whines, but Zayn’s had enough and maybe it’s for the best.

There is no turning back now.

\--

Nick has been to big arenas before, and he’s seen loads of festivals and lots of people at once, but he is pretty sure he has never actually seen anything like this before. As the car stops in front of the long line of people all waiting to audition, Nick wonders how he will ever be able to handle this. He smiles widely at Rita next to him, and she smiles back as they step outside.

The cheering starts and Nick’s grin widens. He wonders a bit why everyone is cheering, because as far as he knows, most of them will not get great comments on their performances. Maybe they shouldn’t be happy to see them there, ready to seal their fate.

Nick doesn’t bother overthinking it though, instead he joins the other three in signing autographs and taking pictures until security leads them inside to get their makeup done and get ready for the first auditions.

“This is insane!” Nick comments with a smile as wide as Spain. “Wow, I can’t believe so many people actually showed up.”

“It’s always crazy,” Simon hums from his chair. “Now let’s hope we can find some good ones okay? We’ve done some scouting for a good couple of groups and artists, but today I think it’s mostly new people. So that will be interesting.”

Nick nods, looking over at Cheryl who is getting her eye makeup done. Nick wonders if it feels heavy to have that much eyeliner on , but is jealous of the way she pulls it off so well. He must ask her how sometime, maybe he can try it too.

“I just hope I get to mentor the groups this year,” Cheryl says, as she stands up, making sure her outfit didn’t get stained by the makeup. “That would be amazing.”

“I want the groups,” Simon says in a warning tone, but then they laugh. Nick is about to say something, but he gets interrupted by a member of production coming over to them,

“If you guys are ready we want to start letting people inside now, and then you will go out to your seats before we bring in the first people to audition. You ready?”

They nod. Nick nods again as he leaves the room.

God, is he ready. No turning back.

\--

The idea of auditions is really funny, and Nick enjoys it very much… for the first few days. After a while though, it starts getting to him that he is really crushing people’s dreams here. Even though he knew that it would happen, it still bothers him to see so many people crying when he tells them no. That never happens on radio.

It’s also long days of just sitting around, and while Nick wouldn’t call himself an impossible child when it comes to sitting still, he is pretty sure Rita would if she got the chance. After a while he just needs to move, and well, it’s difficult to try to be serious for such a long period of time.

“Thanks, but no thanks,” he says to a couple of girls who seem to think singing very loudly compensate for their voices and not singing in key. They give him a glaring look as they walk off the stage.

They get a break after that, and Nick is about to groan just as Simon sighs.

“Been a bit of a slow afternoon, right? Better hope it gets better, because even though I am sure we have lots of acts already I think the crew wants a few more good ones on camera. We have a couple of more coming up that could be good.”

“That band was good though, right?” Cheryl asks, looking through her papers where she has scribbled comments about the acts being sent through to bootcamp. “Arctic Sulks?”

“Need some more work, but yeah,” Simon nods, leaning back in his chair. Nick looks through his own papers to try to remember who Arctic Sulks were.

Right, three young lads, one blond with a guitar, one with long hair and wearing a shirt only half-buttoned that Nick himself would wear probably, and one guy who looked a lot like Beckham, more fit to go play a game of footie than to sing. They did sing well though, Nick remembers, and he gave them a yes.

“Don’t worry Simon, I’m sure there will be more acts,” Rita says with a little smile, and Nick agrees. He stops a yawn from escaping just as production says that it’s time to start again.

“Please no more people singing ‘Let it go’” Simon says before they start sending acts out again. “We’ve got about 40 left.”

Nick forces a smile. He wants this, he really does, so he doesn’t want to ruin it for anyone coming to sing for him. He knows they are nervous, and he doesn’t want them to be.

The hours tick away. Nick is looking through his papers, but he can’t really think about anything else other than he wants to get out of here and back home to Pig. He isn’t even sure how long they have been going now. The thing Simon said about there only being 40 acts left must have been a lie because Nick is pretty sure they have seen about 400 and only like 10 of those have been even kind of good. Nick’s ears hurt and he is forcing a smile, and trying to come up with a positive way to turn someone down is really starting to get difficult.

Nick is zoning out for a moment, and he doesn’t even realise when the next person gets on the stage.

“And who are you, hun?” he hears Rita say, and finally snaps out of it, back into the moment and where they actually are. Looking up, there is one single guy on stage, somehow looking as if this is the scariest thing he has ever experienced in his life at the same time that he looks so comfortable, as if the stage is his home. Nick feels the need to sit up straighter, giving the man his full attention.

“I’m Louis Tomlinson,” the man says. His voice is soft, yet strong at the same time, and Nick can’t help but thinking that maybe this is someone that will actually blow him away.

“Okay, Louis Tomlinson” he hears himself saying, as he keeps his eyes locked on Louis. Louis looks back, giving Nick a little wink which actually makes Nick blush.

This was not part of the plan. At all. Nick wasn’t even sure if there was a plan to speak of, but if there was, the plan wasn’t this. He wasn’t supposed to blush and get all flushed when auditioning contestants. He is way, way more professional than that.

“Uhm… please sing for us,” he quickly says, hoping that can cover up how flustered he is and that no one will notice neither the blush nor the way his voice turned. Seems like it’s a lost cause though, because Rita nudges him. Damn Rita Ora and her nudges, damn everything.

Louis smiles.

Then the music starts, and Louis starts singing and Nick wonders if he has ever even heard music before this moment. Which only brings him back to that this? This is absolutely ridiculous. He is too old to be like this. He forces himself to snap out of it, listening to the music instead.

It makes him better though to hear the crowd reacting, because clearly he isn’t the only one who is a slightly bit enthralled with the way Louis’ eyes close and fill with emotion as the soft song slips over his lips as sweet honey, and the way he moves on stage in sync with every soft chord from the guitar playing in the background. Nick actually hears people sob, and Nick feels much better about everything now.

When Louis finally stops, it’s because Simon puts his hand up in the air to interrupt, and Nick was kind of hoping this audition would go on forever. Simon looks at Nick, and Nick knows he just needs to start saying something.

He clears his throat.

“Uhm, Louis well, that, that was truly… great,” he starts, hoping his voice is normal. The crowd cheers. “I feel like your singing… it kind of… you know… spoke to me. And my soul.”

Louis smiles, and he hears Rita breaking into a fit of laughter next to him. Nick glares at her.

“Well Louis… that was just lovely wasn’t it?” Cheryl says with a warm, big smile. “You looked great up there, really great. I think we all can agree on that, can’t we Grim?”

Nick glares at her too, and Simon laughs.

“Agreed, and while Grimmy is busy wiping up his drool from the floor, I will say yes Louis. I want you to come with us to bootcamp,”

“I was not…” Nick starts, but no one is listening to him right now, instead Cheryl is starting again.

“I agree with Simon, and it’s a yes from me as well.”

“I might not drool like Grim…” Rita says, and it’s clear she can’t hold laughter back. Nick hates her right now. “But it’s a yes from me too.”

By that, Louis is jumping up and down on stage, his fringe bouncing as he does and Nick knows he needs to say something too.

“Well, I am not saying…” Nick starts, not sure how to put this. He feels like he has already made enough of a fool of himself. “It was perfect, but you know, I think we can really help you become better and I want to see what you can do, so I’m gonna say yes. 4 yes.”

“Thank you,” Louis says, gripping the mic hard with bright eyes as they meet Nick’s. He is rushed off the stage then, production crew starting to take down lights as Louis leaves for interviews and hugging a tattooed friend he brought with him.

He blinks at Nick before he leaves and Nick looks away.

He meets Rita’s eyes instead, and she is grinning.

“We can really help you become better,” she mimics Nick’s voice with a laugh. “He was amazing and you know he was. You loved him. Man, I haven’t seen you look at someone like that since you saw Michael’s shark tattoo,”

“Oh be quiet,” Nick says, throwing his X Factor papers about the contestants at her. “I was not looking at him in any way different than you were. And for your information, I was _not_ drooling.”

Rita arches an eyebrow.

“Mhm…”

“Quiet,” Nick says again.

“I’m not saying anything!”

“No you are thinking, and that’s even worse,” Nick mutters because he is bitter about everything right now. Thankfully Simon stands up, interrupting their conversation.

“Well that’s a wrap everyone, now it’s time for bootcamp and that’s when it really begins. Now, wipe up your drool Grimshaw and let’s go home, okay?”

“I was not drooling!” Nick tries again, turning to Cheryl for support but Cheryl just laughs, shaking her head as she puts a well-manicured hand on Nick’s shoulder.

“It’s okay honey, we all get those moments don’t we?”

The thing is that Nick doesn’t. He doesn’t get like this, hasn’t in years and he feels oddly guilty about it, that this contestant, this… _Louis_ managed to affect him so much with just his voice. That wasn’t very fair. Cheryl doesn’t seem to need a reply from him because she moves past him, and as Simon does too it’s only him and Rita left. Nick didn’t want it to be like that. Rita knows him too well.

“Are you alright, Grim?” she asks, and she doesn’t seem like she is going to make fun of him right now. She sounds serious and she looks concerned.  “You know we were just messing with you right?”

“Yeah, yeah I know,” Nick mumbles, looking away so he doesn’t have to face her. “I wasn’t drooling. You know I’m kind of with Michael right?”

Rita lets out a little laugh.

“Yes I know that darling,” she nods and gives him a little hug. “And Michael is not going to murder you in your sleep for getting a little flushed from a singer, right? It’s all fine, it was just an audition.”

Nick feels relieved as she says that, and he smiles sincerely.

“Yeah. Yeah you are right.”

“Anyway, I thought you two weren’t even boyfriends,” Rita keeps going, and Nick rolls his eyes.

“Well, just because we don’t like labels doesn’t mean that it’s… you know. I mean we still have something, I think? Or… I mean I think he thinks so too?”

“God, Grimmy stop, I can practically hear you overthinking this,” Rita rolls her eyes and Nick knows he is being stupid, he just can’t stop being stupid. “You saw a cute boy, the cute boy flirted with you a little, and now that’s probably all there will be because well, as far as we know, he won’t make it much further than bootcamp anyway you know? Chill, it’s not like anything is gonna happen and like I said, Michael won’t murder you in your sleep for it. I mean if you tell him about it, he will probably just laugh and ask how pretty Louis was or something.”

Nick thinks about it and he knows, he knows Rita is probably right. He isn’t even sure why he is feeling so guilty because it’s just like Rita said – it was an audition and nothing serious, and it can’t be helped that Louis was very pretty and maybe flirted a little with Nick. It was probably just to make sure to charm his way into getting through to bootcamp anyway, Nick decides. He sighs.

“Yeah yeah, I say it again. You are right. I know you are right,”

“Hey doll, I’m always right,” Rita playfully slaps his arm. “Now let’s go. I am starving and I think you have to buy me food.”

Nick doesn’t question that.

\--

It’s late when he gets home, dinner turning into a couple of drinks as well and Michael is already sleeping, Pig in his arms and Nick frowns for a moment, because really Pig shouldn’t be in the bed. It’s late though, and Nick doesn’t want to wake them up, because it’s not very often Michael can spent the night like this, and it’s not a moment Nick wants to ruin. He undresses quickly, going to the bathroom to brush his teeth and just splash some water in his hair to make it easier to handle in the morning. He drinks a glass of water, hoping that it will help with not getting hungover even if it was only a few drinks, and then crawls into bed under the duvet.

Michael moves a little, but he seems to be still very much asleep, and Nick doesn’t want to wake him up. He rolls over instead, putting his phone in the charger when he feels Michael’s hand on his hip.

“Did you have fun?” Michael mumbles, he sounds so tired and Nick can’t help but smile at that.

“Yeah,” he whispers back, putting his hand on top of Michael’s. “I had lots of fun. It was great.”

“Did you find the next big star then?” Michael is so sleepy Nick is actually impressed he is making sense, but it’s sweet of him to ask.

“Uhm…” Nick says, thoughts spinning around in his head as he thinks about Louis, wondering if he should mention him. “You know, we might have… well, still a long way to go though, you know? They have a lot of things to prove to us if they really want to make it through to the live shows. Lots of things.”

“Mmmm…” Michael mumbles, and now he is probably more asleep than awake, so Nick knows that it’s no idea to try to make conversations anymore, not when Michael is not even awake.

“Go to sleep, sleepyhead,” he mumbles instead, and it’s as if Michael just listens to him because he pulls away, making himself comfortable and his breathing gets deeper. Nick looks at Pig who lifts her head to look back at him, but clearly his dog is also too tired to really react to him.

Nick stretches out his legs, closing his eyes as he tries to get to sleep just as easy as the other two currently sharing a bed with him.

It’s a bit difficult though, and Nick isn’t sure how long it takes before he actually manages to drift off to sleep. And if he doesn’t remember in the morning that the last thing he saw before falling asleep is the face of a singer with blue eyes and soft brown hair, then maybe it didn’t happen and nobody needs to know about it.


	2. wonderwalls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is a new chapter! Again thanks to my betas and I always love feedback xx

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!”

“You said that already,” Louis grins because Zayn is jumping up and down,looking like an excited kid who had way too much sugar for his own good. “Calm down, Zayn.”

It was weird. A month ago at his first audition Zayn had been so calm, and now here they were with Louis feeling so calm heading off to bootcamp while Zayn was seemingly going a bit insane with the thought of Louis going.

“But you are actually going,” Zayn comments, grabbing Louis’ arm. “You are actually going to Bootcamp and that’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. And it just feels real now because… because you are act…”

“… actually going to Bootcamp,” Louis fills in the last words for him with a grin. “I know Zayn, I know. It’s going to be amazing.”

“And you get to see Nick Grimshaw again, huh?” Zayn nudges Louis’ side and Louis has to roll his eyes at that.

“Zayn, don’t. Don’t say things like that. You know he could be my mentor if I make it through, right? It would be… awkward.”

“But he looked at you!”

“Everyone looked at me,” Louis says, glaring at Zayn. “I was on stage, for Christ’s sake.”

“But he did the thing.”

Louis arches an eyebrow now, very confused.

“The thing.”

“Yep,” Zayn nods, sounding pleased, as if he knows a big secret that Louis doesn’t know yet. “The thing where he totally couldn’t stop checking you out. He did that. He totally did that. Nick Grimshaw did the thing.”

“You’re such an idiot,” Louis says, but he can’t help but feel his heart beat just a tiny bit faster because hey, who hasn’t had a bit of a crush on Nick Grimshaw? “He really didn’t. Pretty sure he is dating that photographer anyway.”

“Pfft,” Zayn says, as if that didn’t really matter. Louis knows he is just messing around, but it’s strange.

“Anyway, I need to focus on just trying to… find friends or something, because I’m pretty sure it will be lonely there all by myself,” Louis says, with a little pout. “Since you didn’t want to audition.”

“Hey!” Zayn laughs and shakes his head. “You know what I said. It’s perfectly fine to just mess around and sing with you, but I can’t get up on that stage. No way. I’m not that kind of performer.”

Louis still pouts.

“Oh stop it,” Zayn mutters, covering Louis’ face with his hand. “And let’s get going so you don’t miss this whole thing just because you’re trying to work your puppy eyes and pout on me. Which, I might add, doesn’t really work on me and you know that, don’t you?”

Louis lets out a laugh because, yes, sadly he does know that. Maybe when they first met and before they knew each other, he could get Zayn to fall for it, the puppy eyes, the pout, the sad little twinkle in his eyes that he knew could get him what he wanted. But nowthat  they had known each other for years, Zayn had grown immune to any of those tactics that Louis used to try. It was actually quite a tragedy.

\--

Nick is late for the first day of bootcamp and it’s extremely awkward. He missed the car he was supposed to take, running late because Pig was being fussy on her morning walk, and the next car took a complete wrong-turn.

Nick hates being late. He is almost never late for anything, and he really doesn’t want to be late for this. He isn’t sure Simon would approve, especially considering he has missed a few auditions  due to his morning radio shows.

“I’m on my way, I’m on my way!” he shouts into the phone in panic as he gets a call from Rita. She starts laughing before she can say anything.

“Don’t worry, we won’t start without you,” she laughs between every word, as if Nick’s stress is hilarious to her. Very rude.

“I will be there in five minutes,” Nick promises, before he hangs up. He takes deep breaths, resisting the urge to tell the driver to step on it. He knows better than to risk speeding in traffic like this, and it would be really inconvenient if they crashed or were  pulled over by the police or something.

He rushes up the driveway when he is dropped off, and is  led to a room where Simon, Cheryl, and Rita are waiting for him.

“I’m here,” he says, as if someone would have missed that. Simon looks up and nods approvingly.

“Good, good,” he says, running a hand through his hair as he stands up. “I wanted us to go through how the first part of bootcamp will run before we tell the contestants. We need some drama for the episodes.”

“It’s groups, right?” Nick says, hoping that he hasn’t forgotten everything he is supposed to know. He’d bet that even thoughSimon said that they will go over it again, he is expected to know these things. “Join in groups, right?”

Simon nods. He walks over to the bar, pouring himself a whiskey or something, Nick isn’t sure. He also isn’t sure if it’s quite a good idea to start drinking already, but he shouldn’t judge.

“Yeah, I want to see which contestants can stand out, you know? Because that will be important. I mean, if they can’t stand out, we don’t really want them. We need someone that can shine, be noticed, by everyone. Anyone can be noticed when they are alone on a stage, but it takes something special  to catch our eye within a group.”

Nick nods. He can understand that.

“Can I have some coffee?” he asks, and Cheryl grins, shaking her head.

“Nope, should have been on time, no coffee for you,” she comments with a big smile. “Should have been on time, Grimmy.”

Nick thinks he might start crying.

Cheryl was only joking though, thankfully, and as they walk out in the morning sun to the contestants waiting for them on the big meadow outside the bootcamp mansion. Nick is holding the largest cup of coffee he has ever seen. He isn’t sure he could be happier than he is right now.

Looking at the faces of all the contestants, though, they don’t seem to share is happiness.

Most of them look like a mix of excited and nervous, but a big group also look terrified, as if the four judges nearing them are man-eating monsters, and not just people from the music industry. Nick needs them to calm down – having to deal with people being scared of him will probably end up making him nervous, and that was not part of the plan.

“Hiya!” he says instead with a big grin, hoping that if he seems nice and approachable, people will calm down. “Who is ready for some singing, huh? Come on everybody, be thankful it’s you who will be doing the singing and not me.”

“Yes, we all are very grateful that’s not the case,” Rita adds, and a few of the people surrounding them giggle. Simon gives them a smile, but then he turns serious as he takes on his important role, and the cameras are on him.

“Listen, the first stage of bootcamp is all about impressing us. You will join together with other contestants, mix with girls, boys, groups, overs and together, pick a song that you will perform for us tomorrow morning. This will be your chance to shine, or fail. Only half of you will make it through to the next stage of bootcamp. Am I clear?”

There’s a murmur of ‘yes’ going through the crowd, and Nick finds himself trying to spot Louis in the crowd. He doesn’t at first, and his heart skips a beat with worry that maybe Louis didn’t choose to attend after all. Simon had told Nick that sometimes people can’t just handle the pressure. They get the ticket to bootcamp, but get too scared to move on. Nick hopes that wasn’t the case with Louis.

Simon keeps talking, and just as they are finishing up, Nick finally spots Louis. Sadly, his relieved smile isn’t missed by Rita, who follows his eyes and grins.

“So your boy is here, then?” she whispers as Simon answers a few questions. Nick gives her a glare.

“Rita…”

“God, I’m just joking, Grim. Lighten up a little, you know it’s nothing serious!” she says with a little giggle. “You’re the one making a big deal out of it.”

“I’m not, I just…” Nick hisses, but he stops as he notices everyone is looking at them, clearly waiting for him to say something. Awkwardly, he clears his throat.

“Uhm, yeah so, good luck!” he says, hoping it wasn’t obvious that he was not paying attention to anything. It didn’tseem like it though, because the contestants were slowly starting to form groups, looking a bit like lost kittens as they ran around. Simon turns to Nick and Rita and glares at them.

“What were you talking about?”

“Nothing!” Nick quickly says. “Sorry. It was just… sorry.”

Simon shakes his head.

“Let’s go back, okay? We won’t have to do anything until tomorrow. They need 24 hours to rehearse and rest. It’s all up to you what you wanna do.”

“Gonna call Michael?” Rita asks as they start heading down the hill again. Nick nods. He should.

“Yeah, think so. Or did you wanna grab some more coffee?” he aks Rita, who shakes her head with a little smile.

“No, I’m good. You go call the beau before you get all busy with Looouis,” she draws out the the word longer than Nick thinks is necessary, and he playfully pinches her arm.

“You are the worst, did you know that?”

“You love me.”

“I tolerate you, a whole different thing,” Nick enlightens her, but she only flips him off in reply, and Nick decides that well, maybe he should go call Michael.

\--

Louis spends like 2 minutes in panic that he won’t get picked by anyone. This always happened in school – no one wanted him for their projects so why would that change now? He gives a nervous smile to the people around him, wondering just how to approach someone. Do you say that you are good singer? Not that good? Do people want someone who is a great singer, or do they want someone they can outshine? Louis isn’t sure. He watches as people start grabbing onto each other, laughing, and he has a moment to think,“Well, this is it, this was the first test. If you can’t find anyone who wants to be in a group with you, you’re out,” when a long-haired guy grabs his arm.

“Hey, we need a boy over here. Do you want to be with us?”

Louis looks up, meeting the green eyes that are him, eagerly awaiting his answer. Louis hesitates a moment.

“Uhm… yeah, yeah I…”

“Gang, I got us a good one!” Long Hair pulls him along  excitedly over to a group of people standing a bit away from the others, and they all smile at Louis. “This is… hey, what is your name?” he asks with a frown, as he realises suddenly that he doesn’t know Louis’ name. Louis smiles nervously.

“Uhm I’m.. I’m Louis. Louis Tomlinson.”

“Great to meet you Louis, I’m Harry,” Long Hair, Harry, says and shakes Louis’ hand a bit too excited, like the way people shake hands in old movies. “Over there you have Liam and Niall, those are my bandmates, we’re Arctic Sulks. Then this lovely lady is Ella…” Harry nods to a girl with long blonde hair who smiles warmly at Louis. “We have Jay over here…” A guy that must be just about old enough to be in the Overs category gives Louis a little nod. “And now we have you. Wow. Is this a nice group or what? I’m very excited. Aren’t you excited?”

Harry somehow speaks both slowly and frantically, and it makes Louis a bit dizzy. But since Harry is doing all the talking, that’s one less thing for Louis to worry about, because he isn’t really sure what to say right now.

“Hey, Louis,” the blond, Niall, walks over to shake Louis’ hand, followed by Liam. They seem a lot more calm than Harry; Louis wonders how their band works, if they get into fights a lot due to their differences. “You okay? Sorry ‘bout Haz man, he can be a lot.”

“Yeah, took us five years to get used to him,” Liam grins. “So it’s okay if you need a moment. Ella and Jay already had a minute or so to handle him. They are doing better now.”

“Hey!” Harry complains. “I’m not that bad.”

“No, no you’re not,” Liam says quickly.

“You’re worse,” Niall adds, and Louis letsout a snorting laughter at that. Harry pouts.

“Hush, now let’s focus on important things instead. Like our songs. Do you want to go somewhere more quiet to decide on what our sound should be?”

The other seems to think it’s a great idea, and they fall in line, Harry leading them. Louis walks next to Liam, who smiles warmly at him.

“You’re here by yourself, then?” Liam asks, and Louis nods. “Must be a bit scary, right? I mean I know that if I fail, at least I have my lads near me. But I mean, being by yourself… I admire that mate, I really do. I don’t think I could do it.”

“I tried to get my friend to come,” Louis sighs, as Harry leads them down to the water, saying something to Ella about how he thinks the sound of waves and the smell of sweet water will help them think better. Ella doesn’t look that convinced, but no one is arguing with Harry.

“Why didn’t your friend come?” Liam asks as they sit down. Niall is already bringing out his guitar. “No talent?”

“Oh no,” Louis laughs, shaking his head. “Quite the opposite really. Zayn’s got loads of talent but yeah… being on stage is more my thing so yeah, I’m here and he’s back home doing god know’s what.”

“Guys, focus here!” Jay suddenly interrupts them, rolling his eyes. “If we wanna make it through then maybe we should start working. We can make small talk about your grannies and whatever else you want to know about each other later.”

Jay’s voice sounds harsh, and for a moment Louis kind of regrets going with this group if Jay is like that. But, then Harry clears his throat and Louis feels more calm again.

“Should we pick a song everyone knows then? A proper famous billboard one or maybe something… smaller?”

Louis thinks about it as Niall strums a few soft chords on the guitar.

“We are not playing Wonderwall,” Ella warns him. Niall looks up.

“What do you mean?”

“You just look like one of those guys who wants to play Wonderwall,” Ella laughs. “And we are so not doing Wonderwall.”

“I wasn’t going to suggest Wonderwall!”

“How about something by James Bay?” Louis suggests. “He’s good right? Got great songs. I think our voices could work very well with that.”

Jay grimaces.

“Of course pretty boy wants James Bay. No, we’re not going with that. We need something that isn’t played constantly by cool dudes thinking they’ve got talent.”

Louis isn’t sure why he takes such offense to that, but the way Jay is looking at him makes him feel really annoyed with the whole thing. He gets a feeling that Jay doesn’t like him, and it only gets worse when Jay gives him a cold look. Louis clenches his fists.

“You know I…”

“Robbie Williams?” Liam suggests, as if he can tell that there is an argument brewing between them, and well, an argument before they even start singing is not a great sign. “Angels?”

All of them think about it for a moment and then Ella nods.

“I think that’s a great idea,” she says, and Niall and Harry agree. Louis does too.Jay just shrugs.

“Guess it’s better than James Bay,” he says, and again Louis gets a feeling that this guy has it out for him. He wonders what he could have possibly done to offend Jay in such a short period of time. He can’t remember doing anything to offend him, anyway. Louis decides to not think about it though; there are far more important things to worry about than whether or not this guy likes him, and Louis isn’t going to waste his energy on that.

“I’ll google the chords and we can start,” Niall says excitedly, and before Louis knows it, they are rehearsing together as if they have never done anything else.

Louis smiles as he looks at them, thinking that this isn’t bad at all.

They have been working for 3 hours when Louis’ stomach growls, and Harry nods in agreement. “I’m starving. How about we get something to eat and then meet back here? We can afford a lunch break,” he adds, as Jay starts complaining. “We’re not going to fail because we eat. Eating is very important. Besides, if we all pass out due to malnutrition by tomorrow, that won’t help us get to judges houses, now will it?”

Grudgingly, Jay agrees and Louis happily gets up from where he’d been sitting. He can’t even feel his legs anymore, they’ve gone numb.

“Wanna join us for lunch?” Liam asks, as Louis falls behind the others a little. Jay has already moved on, clearly not planning to eat with them, and Ella seems busy on the phone. Louis hesitates, wondering if maybe he will be a bother to such a close group of friends, even if they are all currently singing in a group together. Liam seems to sense what he is thinking, because he starts laughing and wraps an arm around Louis’ shoulders. “Come on, no, don’t think of it like that, we’re all buddies now aren’t we? And anyway, I think we’ll work better together if we actually get to know each other. So come on, it’s always fun to see how much Niall can eat.”

“I heard that,” Niall warns him, which only makes Liam laugh. Louis can’t help but smile before he agrees.

“Yeah, okay, why not. I just gotta text Zayn and let him know that things are working out well.”

“He’ll regret not coming, huh?” Harry walks up to Louis other side, seeing the picture of  Louis and Zayn out in Brighton the summer before as the lockscreen on Louis’ phone as he pockets it. a. “Woah, that’s him? Now _I’m_ sorry he’s not coming.”

Liam rolls his eyes.

“Hazza, don’t start that now.”

“What?” Harry complains. “Did you see him? He’s really cute. Is he into boys?”

Louis is about to answer but Liam interrupts by putting a hand over Harry’s mouth with a laugh.

“Stop it., This is about getting food, not getting laid. Get off his back, Harry., you’ve just met the guy and you’re already planning how to get his friend into bed with you.”

“I was just trying to get to know him better!” Harry says, voice muffled by Liam’s large hand covering his mouth. Louis is about to say that it’s no bother, but he decides against it as it’s also very hilarious to watch Harry attempt to break free from Liam’s grip.

He manages finally, once Liam gives up and joins Niall intrying to google the closest lunch place.

“I was just joking by the way,” Harry says with a little smile. “I mean he’s pretty, but I wouldn’t go for it you know. I mean...unless you were okay with it…”

He grins, and Louis just shakes his head and laughs.

“It’s okay,” he tells him because really, he has been friends long enough with Zayn to know that most people do find him very attractive. It’s just something he is used to by now.

“Hey!” Niall interrupts their conversation. “What do you guys think about pizza?”

\--

“Hey, stranger.”

Zayn’s voice is soft and Louis chuckles at it, rolling over in his bed and sighing.

“I’ve been gone a day. Not even that. You actually saw me this morning. So stranger seems a bitmuch, don’t you think?”

Zayn grunts a little before replying.

“Not true, bro. It feels like forever, I mean… it might have been forever. You sure it’s not forever?”

“I’m sure,” Louis says, and he nuzzles his cheek against the soft pillow, sighing again. “So I guess you miss me, huh?”

Zayn waits a second before replying to that.

“I am not sure I really miss you, you know,” he teases, Louis can practically hear him grin. “But you know, I kind of miss the company of someone looking more dumb than me when we walk down the street. Now it’s just me.”

“You are the worst,” Louis says fondly. “I can’t stand you.”

“Love you too,” Zayn hums, before adding. “So, tell me. If you _can_ tell me. How’s it going? Are you singing? Did you have sex with Grimshaw yet?”

Louis laughs loudly at that, covering his mouth with his hand as he realises that maybe everyone can hear him. He shakes his head even if Zayn can’t hear him.

“Have I mentioned that you’re the worst? I am not going to have sex with Nick Grimshaw. I haven’t even seen him since this morning and I think I must have looked weird or something because he was staring at me.”

“Louis,” Zayn groans, as if being Louis’ friend is the most frustrating thing he has ever had to endure in this world. “That’s probably because he wants you, dammit. Don’t you see that? Wow, can’t believe Nick Grimshaw is checking you out.”

“Stop. Please.” Louis says, realising that he really means it. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

Zayn backs off. Even if Zayn likes messing with him, he knows when Louis really means it, and that’s what Louis really appreciates about him. He really knows when it’s just time to let something go, when it’s not funny anymore.

“Did you meet any new friends? Are you replacing me?” he asks instead, and well, that is something Louis can talk about.

“I met these three guys that are in a band and they are great,” he tells him, before adding, “One of them fancies you, I think. Or, he saw your picture and he’s interested. So if you like hipsters, you could maybe convince me to give him your number.”

Zayn laughs at that, but it’s the only reaction he gives Louis.

“And I’m also singing with this girl called Ella who is amazing, truly great, and then Jay who is good but I think he hates me,” Louis keeps going, as he tries to remember everything going on that day. “We are singing Angels by Robbie Williams and I have a few solos and we’re performing tomorrow in front of the judges and I might throw up.”

He says all that very quickly, taking a deep breath when he is finished.

“You can do it,” Zayn says softly, his voice calming Louis down more than anything. “You’ve spent 24 years preparing for this, haven’t you?”

Louis laughs, shaking his head and then rolling over on his back again. His feet tangle in the sheets.

“Yeah, Istarted singingfirst thing out of the womb,” he says with a grin. “You got me, Malik.”

“And as for the guy who doesn’t seem to like you…” Zayn continues with a little smile. “He is probably just jealous, you know? So that’s nothing to be worried about, just ignore him. You know that people always tend to like you anyway. I have no idea why, but it’s true.”

“Jeez, thanks,” Louis laughs, and then he stretches out on the bed. “I want a smoke. I should go out for one.”

“Do that,” Zayn says with a soft voice. “You’ll call me tomorrow, right? To let me know how it went?”

Louis promises.

\--

Nick realises after trying to sleep for a few moments that he’s not going to be able to relax without a walk. He is used to taking Pig for a walk, and clearly the fresh night air has done more for his sleeping than he thought it did. He grunts, deciding that he might as well trygoing for a quick walk rather than tossing and turning in bed and not getting any sleep.

He pulls a large sweater on over a pair of yoga pants no one knows he owns, andmakes his way downstairs, hoping he doesn’t wake up half the house in the process.

The second he steps outside, he can feel the fresh air and it makes him feel much better. He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath before determining where he is and which will be the best path to take. He decides that the one down to the lake is probably the best option, and starts walking. He is so caught up in his own thoughts, feeling the calm rush through his body and relaxl his muscles, that he doesn’t realise he isn’t the only one outside until he hears a surprised voice.

“Oh, hey.”

Nick looks up, and stops in his tracks as he notices Louis sitting there. The singer is sitting on a log, dressed in a coat that looks three sizes too big for him, smoking a cigarette. Nick feels his heartbeat speed up.

“Uh…” he says, trying to come up with something to say, but he draws a blank and feels very pathetic.

Louis looks at Nick’s face, then  to the cigarette in his hand, then back up to Nick. It’s quiet for a bit, and Nick doesn’t realise how much he is staring.

“Shit, are we not allowed to smoke here?” Louis asks, and he sounds like a scared teenager. It makes Nick laugh a little. He shrugs, shaking his head.

“You’re outside. I think you’re allowed to smoke.”

“Thank god,” Louis mutters, and he turns away from Nick to finish his  cigarette. “I thought you were going to kick me out for smoking or something.”

“Nope, I’m not gonna do that,” Nick smiles softly, wondering why Louis would even think that. “But you know, smoking isn’t that good for your voice, right? So maybe you should think about kicking the habit, love.”

Yes, great. In an effort to make conversation, Nick is giving him a lecture on the dangers smoking. That’s just great, just what someone wants to talk about when they clearly wanted to get away for a calm moment to themselves. Nick is an idiot.

Louis looks up and he smiles, shaking his head.

“Tried. Didn’t work, maybe one day but not right now. Helps with the nerves you know?”

Nick does know, or at least he can relate to what Louis must be feeling. He wonders if maybe he shouldn’t talk to him this much, considering that well, he _is_ one of the judgesand he doesn’t want to be accussed of favouritism, but well… Nick can’t really help it, and no one else is around anyway. It’s the middle of the night. Normal people are sleeping.

“You’re Louis, right?” he asks, pretending like he doesn’t know who he is. He just doesn’t want that to be obvious, that Louis’ name has stuck with him since the first audition and that he really can’t wait to hear him sing again. “You’re gonna do fine. You had a good first auditon.”

Louis smiles, and it’s difficult to not get lost in those eyes, Nick notices. Damn, Louis is the contestant that the other judges should look out for, not only for his voice. Nick has been around enough popstars to know which ones will get popular and well, he can see that happening with Louis. He hesitates for a moment, then decides standing there like an idiot just makes this whole situation more awkward. Nick checks that the ground isn’t wet, which thankfully it isn’t, and then he sits down next to Louis. It causes Louis to quirk up in another smile. Nick could get used to this.

“Thanks. It’s just hard, being in a group, you know? Apart from my mate Zayn, I’ve never really sung with other people… It’s mostly been just me. So sharing solos and doing this whole group thing, that has been very… yeah, you know, it’s just not what I’m used to. So I just hope I will be able to pull it off tomorrow.”

“Just do your thing,” Nick says, and hopes he can be reassuring and friendly to the younger man. “Because well… if you do your thing, it’s gonna be fine, don’t you think? Forget about the others for a moment. ocus on doing your part and it will be just like it was your first audition, just that you don’t have to sing everything.”

Louis smiles once more, and Nick can’t help but smile back. He wonders if his face will split in half if he keeps smiling this big, and worries that maybe it will happen.

“Are you allowed to do this?” Louis asks finally, when they have been sitting quietly for a while. “I mean, talk to me like this.”

Nick, who has been thinking the same thing, frowns a little before he shrugs.

“I’m supposed to be a mentor, aren’t I? Better start early. And I am not doing anything I wouldn’t do if any of the others asked, I just… found you here,” he says slowly, hoping that it makes sense what he is saying. It seems to, because Louis nods.

“Sounds about right,” Louis hums, and he looks up at the sky. Nick wonders if he should get up and leave now though. Not only is it getting late and a bit cold, but he and Louis have fallen into a comfortable silence, and he doesn’t want to stay too long and risk this getting awkward.

“Uhm… yeah. Good luck tomorrow,” he says, deciding to get to his feet. “Remember, you’re gonna do fine, okay? Just do your thing.”

He gives Louis something that he hopes is a reassuring smile, and he gets one in return.

“Thank you, Nick,” Louis’ voice is soft and gentle, and Nick isn’t sure if Louis’ voice is  better when he’s talking orsinging. Both are good, very good though, and Nick is happy he decided to get up and leave, because listening any moremight have done things to him.

“No problem,” he says, hoping he sounds relaxedand well put together, as he escapes up to his room on the top floor, the other three judges in the  rooms next to him.

As Nick crawls into bed, he can hear Rita through the wall. She’s listening to some music, or playing a video game, he isn’t really sure which. He thinks about knocking on her door and asking her what she thinks about this whole thing, and if he shouldn’t have stayed to talk to Louis.

But he also isn’t ready to hear more about how he clearly flirts with him, or drools around him, like the comments he got during Louis’ first audition, so he decides against it.

Maybe it’ll pass. Nick hopes so.

\--

Rita is more grumpy than usual the next morning, and Nick wants to be extra cheerful just to mess with her. He is used to this. Getting up at 6am is almost like sleeping in for him, so it doesn’t bother him at all. Rita though, hiding behind a large coffee and oversized sunglasses, doesn’t seem to agree with him.

“Don’t say anything.”

“I wasn’t going to!” Nick protests. Rita lets out a sigh.

“You were so going to, I can practically hear you thinking about how you are going to make fun of me. Not gonna happen. Shut up, Grimshaw.”

“I wasn’t even going to say anything!”

“You always say something,” Rita retorts, waving her sunglasses in front of his nose. “Always. You never shut up. But not today, okay? Today you are going to be quiet and let me have this moment. Of silence. Or else I’m gonna tape your mouth shut.”

“Oh wow, someone is in a bad mood,” Cheryl smiles as she hears Rita. “What happened to you?”

“6am happened to me,” Rita mutters, giving Nick a glare as if he is the one responsible for 6am being a thing, as if he invented time. “That’s what’s wrong. Just give me coffee and a croissant and I’ll be as good as new.”

“The first group will be on in two hours,” Simon announces as they all get seated for breakfast. “Plenty of time for makeup and some behind the scenes footage.”

Nick listens with one ear. His mind is focused on trying to remember the faces of people he thinks should make it through this stage, and who he thinks might have a hard time.

“What do you think your boy will do?” Simon asks, and Nick looks up, hating that there is a blush spreading on his cheeks.

“What…?”

“You know, that Louis Tomlinson,” Simon says casually. “The one you clearly fancied in first auditions. Did you forget all about him?”

“Oh no, he didn’t,” Rita whispers, nudging Nick’s arm, and he knows this is revenge for him making fun of her earlier.

“I’m, uh, not really sure,” Nick says, trying to sound like this is the first he’s thought about this. “I mean, I haven’t really thought about his voice, not even sure if I remember it. Was he really that good?”

It’s such a lie. Louis was good, he was really, bloody good, but Nick just doesn’t want them to get to use this against him. Even if they are just messing with him. He doesn’t have the energy for it.

“Oh leave him alone, Simon,” Cheryl says, rolling her eyes before she takes a sip of her coffee. “You don’t want him going after anyone anyway, think about the media. Maybe we should just focus on what we should do today, and not about who Grimmy could fancy.”

Cheryl is better at standing up to Simon thanthe others. Nick wonders if it is because they have worked together longer, or maybe just because Cheryl has a stronger voice when it comes to speaking up against him. He is grateful though, because he doesn’t really feel like arguing this point any further.

“Makeup time,” Simon says instead, and Nick quickly leaves the table before any more comments can be made about him.

\--

They are a bit late when they take their seats at the new judging table. They are sitting outside, and Nick can’t understand why because this is England, and England is cold. Maybe not right now, but he is pretty sure it will be freezing soon. Simon had warned them that this round would probably take many hours, and that they wouldn’t be allowed to take many long breaks, other than for lunch anddinner.

Nick hopes he won’t get a cold or something, because getting sick and losing something as important as his voice when he is currently working two jobs is not something that seems like a good idea.

“I’m nervous!” Rita admits as they wait for the first group to arrive. “I mean, why am I nervous? I shouldn’t be nervous, I’m not the one performing for my life here, they are.”

Nick wants to say that maybe she is being just a bit too dramatic about the whole thing, but he is interrupted by Simon who nods, as if he agrees with Rita.

“Well this is an important moment, we need to make sure we pick the right people. If we get the wrong ones, that means the show will just go down the bin. We really need this to work, guys. We need to find people that will sound and look good on TV, so please, don’t argue with me.”

Nick lets out a little laugh, because that seemed a bit serious as well, but no one falls into the laughter with him, so clearly it was meant to be serious. Nick looks away, up to the stage where they are preparing for the first group.

Simon starts spreading out photos of the contestants coming up soon.

“We’ll tell them right away if they make it through,” Simon explains again. “So you better stay awake, because we don’t want to miss someone.”

Nick nods, glancing over to Rita to see if she seems to be more awake than she was a couple of hours ago, and clearly, breakfast, makeup and a bucket of coffee have helped her out.

“Lets do this,” Cheryl smiles, and it’s as if everyone listens to her, because then it starts.

\--

There are five groups, filled with people that are both good and terrible, and Nick is a bit surprised with how easy it is to tell some of them that they didn’t make it through. There is one young girl who starts crying, and Nick feels his heart break a little for her. He gives her a hug as she passes by. She sniffles into his chest and Nick gives her a little squeeze.

“Chin up?” he says, softly as he watches her. “You’re young. Come back next year, okay? Promise.”

The girl smiles and moves on, and Nick isn’t sure his words were much comfort, but they were something anyway. He is about to take his seat again when Simon lets out a little whistle.

“This group, now this will be interesting. Lots of favourites in this one, guys. So I’m telling you to pay attention. Especially to Jay, okay? I’ve got plans for that one.”

Nick is about to ask which other people he should keep his eyes on, but then he sees Louis’ photo flashby him on the table and he feels a bit queasy.

The group up on stage consists of Louis with a girl named Ella, the group with the three boys whose name Nick has for the moment forgotten, and then Jay, who Simon says he’s got plans for. As they take the stage, Nick can’t help but smile at how happy  Louis looks up there, chatting to the guy with curly hair and tattoos. It’s a change from last night, when Louis looked so nervous and afraid about the whole thing.Nick is about to mention something about it to Rita, but at the last second, he realises how extremely dumb it would be to tell Rita that he had  talked to Louis Tomlinson last night. He would never hear the last of it.

“Hello guys,” Simon says, as the others nod and say hi as well. Nick gives them a smile he hopes is normal, and he tries not to look too much at Louis, but for some reason his eyes zero in on him. It’s ridiculous. Louis gives him a little wink though, and that only makes it worse. This time, thank god, no one but Nick noticed so the world can continue on normally without the other three judges making fun of him. “Repeat your names for me, please, and tell us what you will be singing.”

“Well,” says the curly haired lad, whot today is rocking a pair of the most fabulous boots Nick has ever seen. He must ask him where he shops. “This lovely lady to my right is Ella. I’m Harry, this is Liam and Niall and we’re in a band called Arctic Sulks. Over here, we have Jay, and then last but not least, that’s Louis, hello.”

Nick says hi again, and he can’t stop himself from also giving out a little giggle as he sees Louis wave towards them. Thankfully, the other three are so busylooking through their papers that no one is noticing Nick making a fool out of himself once again.

“And what will you be singing for us today?” Simon asks, tapping his pen against the papers. Harry gives out a little laugh.

“Oh yeah right, we were supposed to sing as well, huh?”

Harry seems fun. Nick can see him being a great addition to the show already. He hopes the audition proves that this band is good enough,  because he can really see them going places.

“Well, yes,” Simon says, and he can’t help but smile either. Harry getting Simon Cowell to smile, things are getting interesting.

“Oh fine then, I guess we can sing you a little song,” Harry’s smile is really wide now, his eyes glittering, and Louis looks like he is having a very hard time trying not to laugh. The cameramen are zoomed in on Harry like crazy and yes, Nick was right – Harry and his band are probably going to make it on the show.

“We’re singing Angels, by Robbie Williams,” Liam finally adds, as if he wants to make sure they actually move on with this. Simon leans back in his chair, waving his hand forthem to start.

“Go on, impress us,” he says, and the contestants start singing.

Nick watches them closely. There are lots of things to work with, he can tell. Arctic Sulks clearly work well together and they stand out. Jay has a star kind of charisma, which Nick can tell that Simon will like. Nick isn’treally thinking about Jay though, because if he’s considering the boys in this group, no one is better than Louis.

Louis’ voice is not in particularly stronger than Harry’s or Jay’s, but Louis’ got something. And maybe it’s something that makes Nick feel like he’s gone to a place where he would like to stay forever, which isn’t something that happens often when he listens to music. Ella is great too, and as the song ends, they all give a little bow as the judges applaud them. Nick gives them a few extra claps, before Simon spreads out the photos, whispering quietly as they discuss.

“Arctic Sulks will work great on TV,” Cheryl says, pointing towards the photo of the three boys with a confident, manicuered finger. “I just know it. We need them to make it through to the next round.”

“I agree,” Simon says, as Rita and Nick nod.

“And what about this one?” Nick says, pointing to Ella. “I was impressed.”

Simon nods.

“They are all good,” he murmurs, pushing all the photographs into a pile. “Do you think we should take all of them?”

Nick looks to Rita, wondering if she will say something, but she nods. Nick feels his heart do a little flip as he realises that Louis will make it through to the next round. He isn’t sure if that is a positive or negative development.

“Yeah, let’s do it,” Nick says, and they sit back up, Simon clearing his throat.

“Well guys, that could use some more work…”

They look nervous. Nick notices Louis leaning towards Liam, as if he’ll be safer there.

“… but, we do see very much potential in all of you,” Simon continues, and a smile spreads on his lips, infecting the rest of them with smiles as well. The nerves seem to disappear from the group up on stage. “Which is why, of course, you are all making it through to the next round!”

Nick can’t stop smiling as he sees the cheering group. Louis practically jumps up in Liam’s arms at once, and they all hug and congratulate each other, Harry turning to the judges and blowing them a kiss.

“Thank you, thank you,” he says as they make their way past the judge’s table, back to the house to get interviewed. “You won’t regret this, you won’t.”

“We better not!” Simon jokes, and Nick watches Louis as he walks by.

“Told you it would be fine,” he mouths just as Louis passes him, and Louis gives him a thumbs up and a smile.

This one, Rita notices. She nudges Nick’s side.

“What was that?” she asks, teases dripping from her voice as she does.

Nick doesn’t even bother replying, and pretends like for the moment, he is deaf and can’t hear her.

\--

“Zayn!” Louis cries into the phone as Zayn finally picks up after what feels like forever. “Zayn, I made it through. I made it!”

“Oh my fucking god!” Zayn yells, and Louis doesn’t care that it’s so loud that it makes his ear hurt. He is too happy to care about that in the slightest. “Oh my god, I can’t believe it! Fuck, I’m so fucking happy for you!”

“I made it to the next round,” Louis sobs from happiness. He is laying on the floor in his room because he can’t get up. He is just too happy, too excited, too proud of himself to   do anything but call Zayn and be chuffed. “I’m one step closer to actually being on the show!”

“You’re gonna be on the show,” Zayn says, and Louis can hear that he is close to tears as well. It makes him happy knowing Zayn that is this proud of him. “God, I just know it. And you’re gonna win and everything is going to be perfect. When are you coming home?”

“In two days,” Louis says, wiping the tears streaming down his cheeks. “The next round is tomorrow, and I’ll sing solo then. Really gotta prove myself then, huh?”

“You are so good, you don’t have to worry about that,” Zayn says to calm him down. “Go out now and have fun, okay? Celebrate with your new friends. Don’t drink too much, but have a beer for me.”

“There’s a free bar!” Louis says, because that’s what he’s been told. He is meeting the boys from Arctic Sulks there later.

“Then I think you should have two beers for me,” Zayn says. Louis starts laughing, and then almost starts crying again because he has never been happier than he is right now, h’s sure of it.

“Zayn, I can’t be hungover tomorrow. I would probably die on stage and then I really won’t make it to the six chair challenge.”

“Just remember to have water before bed and youill be fine,” Zayn tells him, as if it’s no big deal. “You are rarely hungover anyway, so don’t worry. And you made it through bro, you deserve to party! Now go out there, have fun, and think of me.”

Louis smiles big, and yes he will. He will have the best night of his life because this is amazing.

\--

“More shots for Tommo!”

Liam is already so drunk, Louis can’t stop laughing, but he also can’t say no when the bartender pours them another round of colourful shots that probably have way more vodka in them than he should drink, buthe also can’t care about that.

“Fine, but then you’re having some too!” Louis tells him as Liam laughs, and they both down a shot in a matter of seconds to cheersfrom around the room. Harry is off talking to some other contestants he met,Niall seems to be chatting up one of the girls from another group, and Louis finds himself looking around, wondering if there’s  a chance that Nick is there.

There probably isn’t. The judges don’t hang out here, why should they?

“So, what’s up with you and Grimshaw?” Niall teases as he comes back, right after Louis and Liam have downed enough shots to have Louis pondering his chances of a  hangover in the morning. He blushes as Niall asks, and Niall laughs as he wraps an arm around his shoulder. “Spill.”

“Nothing!” Louis defends himself, because really, that is the truth. Niall rolls his eyes.

“Not acceptable.”

“He’s so cute, isn’t he?” Louis says before he can stop himself, which makes Niall grin and nod.

“Knew you thought that. Could see it from the way you stared at him today,” Niall’s voice is a bit slurred, but it’s clear that he’s not drunk enough to forget this conversation in the morning, which makes Louis worry a bit. Then again, Niall doesn’t seem like the type of person who would go out of his way to tease him or use this against him, so he chooses not to obsess over it. “You were close to drooling, weren’t you?”

Louis rolls his eyes, reaching for another drink as Liam walks up to them as well, wrapping his arms around both of them.

“I think Grimshaw was staring back, huh?” Liam says in Louis’ ear, because clearly he had heard their conversation and wanted in on the gossip. “I thought so anyway. Stared more at you than anyone else and well, your performance wasn’t that much more interesting than what the rest of us did.”

Louis lets out a giggle. It’s loud and pathetic but he can’t help himself because Nick is cute, and the idea of having Nick staring at him so much that others actually notice is making him feel all sorts of things.

“Maybe I should ask him about it,” he hears himself say, and there is another giggle following the sentence. A very drunk one. He is too drunk right now. Niall gives him a little cheer.

“You should, go on, go out, go find your man and find the way inside his pants!”

Liam laughs loudly at that and so does Louis, but he isn’t sure what it is that makes him move away, nodding.

“I will,” he says, almost as if it’s a challenge. “Do you think I should?”

Liam and Niall just nod, but they have already turned their attention back to the bar and the others, and Louis takes that as a yes.

Walking outside past the free bar, he ends up heading just where he met Nick the night before. He knows there is probably no chance that Nick will be there now, but he thinks that it isn’t the worst idea to try. He walks down the path to the lake, trying to not make it obviousthat he is drunk. Walking straight isn’t that easy though, and Louis finds himself swaying out onto the grass more than once.

“Well, how much did you have to drink?” he hears a voice, and Louis’ heart does a flip when he realises that it’s Nick.

Nick looks like he is on his way back up to the house. He’s dressed in a leather jacket and tight jeans, which Louis wouldn’t wear this late at night. He thinks everyone is deserved of sweats after midnight.

“Hey, Nick!” Louis says, and his nerves disappear in no time thanks to the fact that he has had loads to drink. And well, Niall’s challenge is still ringing in his ears, even if it probably was just a joke all along. “You’re here.  I thought you might be here. Hi. Nick!”

Nick shakes his head as he eyes Louis, but Louis doesn’t think he looks mad about running into him. Or his current state of mind.

“Just how much did you have to drink?” Nick asks again, and Louis shrugs.

“Not that much, I’m fine really, I…” Louis starts, but it’s as if the universe curses him to actually prove how much he has had to drink because he slips just then, falling over, and is only saved from falling head first ontothe ground by Nick’s arms.

“Not that much, huh?” Nick says softly, and Louis blinks, surprised, and tries not to get used to how strong Nick’s arms feel around him.

Nick lets go of him quickly though, as soon as Louis is standing up again, and Louis can’t help but frown at that.

“Well…”

“You should go back to your room, have some water, and make sure you get some sleep,” Nick suggests. Louis watches him, head tilted slightly, wishing he could reach out and touch him again.

“Will you come with me?” he hears himself say boldly, cursing himself as soon as it’s out of his mouth because wow, that was inappropriate.

Nick blushes, hard. It’s dark, but Louis can see the way his cheeks turn red, and even if it wasn’t meant to embarrass him, and even if Louis knows he wasn’t supposed to say that, he can’t help but feel a bit giddy over the fact that he can make Nick blush. And that maybe that means that Nick does think something of him. Louis isn’t sure what, but something anyway.

“No,” Nick says, and his smile disappears. “That is something we can’t do. Go back to bed, Louis. You don’t want to be hungover in the morning. If you are, it will be difficult for you to sing for us, right?”

Louis opens his mouth to say something to fix it, but he isn’t sure what. He nods instead. When he does, Nick gives him a small smile.

“Promise me you’ll do that,” Nick says, and then he adds softly. “Good luck.”

After Nick walks past him, Louis quickly follows back to the house. Once in his room, he drinks three glasses of water and texts Zayn a quick ‘I’m screwed’ before he falls asleep, thinking of nothing but singing alone in front of the four judges tomorrow. He is feeling a strange kind of nerves when he thinks about one of them.

\--

“They will sing, and then we will go over the pictures tonight to decide who we want to let through to the six chair challenge,” Simon says as soon as they take their seats in front of the stage. “So for now just watch, and take notes on what you like, and we’ll go over it tonight.”

Nick bites his lip and nods. He is really nervous. Considering the state he saw Louis in last night, he is worried that the young singer will be too hungover to actually sing today. He doesn’t want to say anything though, he can’t play favourites.

“Who do we have on first?” he asks, and Rita just hands him the list. Louis is kind of late, toward the bottom of the list. Nick takes a deep breath, hoping that will give him time to calm his nerves.

Arctic Sulks are on early though, and if they are hungover from last night, they don’t show it. They sing a Busted song, and Rita gets so excited about it, that she gives them a standing ovation.Simon just laughs. There are others on too, all very great, and Nick knows they will have a difficult time selecting who to send throughwhen Louis takes the stage.

“Hello,” Cheryl says, smiling. Nick tries so hard to not start smiling like an idiot. “Louis, we are looking forward to hearing you sing.”

“Thank you,” Louis says with a little smile and his eyes rest on Nick. “I am looking forward to it too, you know.”

Rita giggles as she notices how Louis looks at Nick, and Nick can’t stop it. He blushes.

“This is song is kind of for you, Nick. As a thank you,” Louis keeps going, and that’s just too much, and as Simon, Cheryl and Rita start laughing, Nick hides his face in his hands as he tries to control his blushing.

“Please sing,” Simon says through the laughter, and Louis grins. With his eyes still locked on Nick, he starts singing.

It’s a soft song, a new one from James Bay. Nick remembers playing this on the radio, but he can’t remember the name of it. He just watches, and Louis looks so safe up there. He is clearly in his element and god, Nick realises that there is no way, no way that Louis can’t make it through to the next round.

It makes him both nervous and excited to know that.

Louis finishes with a little wink, and they all applaud him.

“Thank you,” Nick says as Louis leaves the stage, and Louis gives him another wink and a wave of his hands before he disappears. Nick hides his face in his hands again, as he knows the others will ask questions.

“Don’t say anything please,” he mutters as he tries to stop his blush. He needs to look professional when the next group comes on, or he will just keep making a fool out of himself. He is already painfully aware that there are cameras on him.

“I had no idea you two have gotten that close,” Rita hums. “But I guess it’s safe to say we know who you want through to the six chairs, huh?”

Nick doesn’t say anything.

\--

Picking who is going through to the next round is the worst thing Nick has ever experienced, and he has never in his life seen so many tears. It doesn’t seem to matter if there is a yes or no waiting for them – everyone cries and Nick feels like maybe he might cry too.

When they bring in Louis, he is together with Arctic Sulks and a couple of others in the Overs and girls  categories.. It’s Nick who gets to give them the news.

“Here’s the thing…” Nick says, and he tries to look everywhere in the room except in  at Louis’ direction. “We think there is something there for some of you… and some of you need just a bit more time away from the competition. Which is why you will see that the choices we have made are really for your own good. We can help some of you. And some of you well, you just need maybe a year to grow, and then you can come back and try your luck.”

All of them look close to tears. Arctic Sulks are grabbing each other and Louis in a tight embrace.

“Louis Tomlinson and Arctic Sulks…” Nick says slowly, hating that he needs to do this but he knows that they want this for TV – it will be way better for building the suspense. “We believe in you. Which is why you are through.”

There is a short moment before his words seems to sink in. Then one of the girls who didn’t make it starts crying, as Harry lets out a surprised little gasp, and Niall cheers, fist in the air.

Louis looks stunned. He is staring at Nick as if he can’t believe this, as if he isn’t sure still that he heard him correctly.

“You are through,” Nick repeats, and a smile spreads on Louis’ face that is unlike any other smile Nick has seen before.

“Thank you,” Louis mouths, smile still there, and Nick just knows that he is screwed. He is completely screwed.

“We’ll see you all for the six chair challenge,” Simon says with a little grin, and then the production team makes the contestants leave for interviews.

Nick leans back in his chair, closing his eyes. This will get messy,he is sure of it.

“Next!” Rita calls out.

Nick forces himself to snap out of it. Move on. It’s still a long way to go, he can’t already start getting lost in his thoughts.

\--

“Honey, I’m home!” Nick jokes as he comes through the door., The trip home was exhausting and he was thinking a lot, and he is not sure that he is overly excited aboutSimon’s announcement that the public will decide which category each judge will mentor this season.

“It’s to get people more interested,” Simon had explained to them before they left, which made Nick wonder if he did that just so they wouldn’t argue with him. “Hashtags, social media, you know what the public is into. It will be amazing.”

Cheryl and Rita seemed to enjoy the idea of this new development, but Nick can’t be too excited.

What if he gets the boys? What if he gives Louis a spot? What if the way they look at each other never, ever ends?

Nick is not really sure if he can handle that.

“Hey!” Michael says, walking in from the sitting room with a smile. “I was just dropping Pig off, I need to get back to my place.”

“But I just got home,” Nick whines, reaching out to pull Michael closer. As Michael’s arms wrap around him, a rush of warmth falls over Nick, but it’s followed by a flood of guilt. “Don’t you want to stay?”

“I can’t,” Michael hums, and Nick knows it’s true. “I need to go to that work thing tonight and… you know. But we can see each other tomorrow if you want?”

Nick starts nodding, but then shakes his head as he realises.

“I can’t,” he pouts, sighing deeply. “I have that X Factor thing and then there’s a meeting with Cowell and then this weekend we are off again to prepare for six chair challenge…”

Michael looks sad. Nick can tell he is sad. But he forces a smile before Nick can say anything.

“Yeah well, it happens,” he says, before giving Nick a quick kiss. “I’ll see you, okay?”

Nick nods.

“Yeah… yeah, okay.”

As Michael leaves, Pig finally realises that Nick is home and comes to greet him. Nick has trouble feeling sad or guilty when Pig is cheering him up.

\--

Nick is late as he packs for the next trip,the six chair challenge. It shouldn’t take him this long, but he is crazy stressed, because seeing from the way the public is voting, he will probably be mentoring the boys. Which means that Nick is really going to have to decide on what to do with Louis. That is not something he is looking forward to, and his heart is beating faster even thinking about it.

He still hasn’t told Michael anything about it. Still not a word about Louis. He knows when it airs, he will have a lot of explaining to do, but then again they have never labelled this, and Nick holds on to what Rita said – that Michael will probably think this is just hilarious.

Only that is doesn’t seem like that when Nick is getting ready to leave.

“How long will you be gone this time?” Michael asks, and Nick looks over at him. He is curled up on the sofa with Pig all spread out across his lap, and it looks extremely sweet. Nick can’t help but smile, just admiring the view for a moment before he decides to reply to Michael’s question.

“The weekend,” he says, folding a few shirts to take with him. “I’ll be back late Sunday night so that I can be at work Monday morning.”

“So basically, you will be very busy with all your lads,” Michael hums, and Nick notices something he hasn’t noticed before in Michael’s voice. He isn’t sure if he likes it.

“You’re jealous?” he asks quietly. “I thought we said this wasn’t… I thought we agreed on keeping this on a level where we don’t get all jealous… I thought…”

“I’m not jealous,” Michael says, but his voice is a bit too fast as he speaks, and it’s a bit too dark as well. Nick knows. “I was just simply stating the fact that you are gone a lot with this.”

“I have been a gone a couple of weekends and a couple of nights,” Nick rolls his eyes. He hates fighting, he really hates fighting, and he especially dislikes fighting with Michael. “That’s not a lot, is it? And it’s work. You are gone a lot too, you know.”

“I’m just saying that I miss you!” Michael looks annoyed as he glares at Nick. “But clearly that’s a bad thing, huh? That I miss you? Because you don’t seem bothered.”

“Michael, please don’t do this,” Nick asks, because he really can’t deal with this right now. He is late already, car waiting outside. He should really stop leaving packing until the last second. He can’t be late again. It just can’t happen. “It’s not like that. I miss you too, but we have always been like this and…”

“Maybe I didn’t want it to be like this,” Michael says. “Maybe I wanted it to change, to be something more than just going to bed together when we feel like it.”

“Michael…” Nick whispers, because honestly this would be something that would probably make him happy if he wasn’t so stressed about everything else in his life. “I can’t…”

Michael shakes his head, walking over to plant a kiss to Nick’s lips.

“Think about it okay?”

Nick closes his eyes.

“Okay,” he whispers.

When he grabs his bag and leaves, he isn’t sure if Michael is watching him go.


	3. memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AGAIN big thanks to my betas <3 this is chapter 3! so we are halfway there, YAY. I hope you like it and feedback is so very appreciated!

Louis follows Nick on twitter when he gets home. It’s really the first thing he does after putting his bag down in the tiny space he shares with Zayn. It’s a sad excuse for a flat really, but it’s London, and even if it’s not the best, it’s something they enjoy. Two rooms only, they usually crash in the same bed unless one of them has people over, because then the other usually stays out with friends or crashes on the couch, and Louis can’t help but feel a bit fond about the whole thing.

He knows it’s one thing he will look back on warmlywhen he is older, and he will weirdly miss it when the day they move out comes.

As he sits on the couch, he opens the twitter app on his phone and finds Nick’s account. There are some tweets about The X Factor, but not too much yet. He is probably not ready to give too much away yet.

As Louis hits follow, he wonders if one day Nick will tweet about him, and he is not sure why his heart start pounding so hard at that thought.

“Hey, you’re home!”

Zayn walks in. He must have popped out to smoke. He smells of cigarettes and so much like Zayn as he tackles Louis down on the couch in a long hug. Louis inhales his scent, closing his eyes, and reveling in how great it is to have this home as he hugs Zayn tightly.

“Hi,” he whispers, holding even tighter as Zayn makes a motion to show that he might be pulling away. “No, don’t go yet. Need to hug you some more first.”

Zayn laughs at that,  but he stays on top of Louis, falling even deeper into the embrace as he stays quiet for a bit. Louis isn’t sure how long they stay like that, he just knows that he is not going to let go of Zayn for a while. It’s been a few long stressful days, nerves and anxiety building up inside of him, and having Zayn back is something he really needs.

“Come with me to the next thing?” Louis whispers, when he has finally hugged the Zayn enough. “To six chairs. I don’t wanna go by myself, I want you there. It sucks that you couldn’t come with me to bootcamp. It was horrible not to be able to share everything with you.”

Zayn brushes his fingers over Louis’ cheek, moving a strand of hair out of the way of his eyes.

“Of course I’ll come,” he murmurs softly, giving Louis a smile. “It’s open to the public, right? Not like bootcamp? So of course I’ll be there. You know I would always be there if I could.”

“I know,” Louis pouts a little. “I just really missed you this weekend.”

“Well, tell me everything you haven’t already told me,” Zayn hums, wrapping an arm around Louis’ waist. “Or do you want tea first?”

Louis lights up.

“Tea!”

Two cups later, they have settled down in bed and Zayn is listening intently to everything Louis is telling him.

“Well you know, I met the nicest lads in this band and we got through together, and I really think they are gonna go far, you know?” he said, smiling brightly as he thought of Arctic Sulks. “I really want you to meet them, Zayn. They are such great guys. I think you would really like them.”

Zayn smiles, nodding as he runs a finger over one of Louis’ newer tattoos.

“I would love to. Maybe you can introduce me at that six chairs thing? If you want.”

Louis nods.

“Yes, I promise. And then we can just... maybe all go out and get drinks or something.”

“And maybe you can ask Grimmy to join us, huh?” Zayn teases, and Louis starts to blush.

“Don’t,” he whispers, closing his eyes, and Zayn laughs.

“Oh come on, I’m sorry, but you haven’t told me anything about what has been going on there. I know you like him.”

“He’s sweet,” Louis says, after carefully deciding on what to say. It’s not easy. This weekend has truly changed him, and it’s not like it was before – thinking Nick was cute and interesting. Now he knows how sweet he is, and he isn’t sure that’s a good thing. “I mean…”

“Oh god, you’re not falling for him, are you?” Zayn asks, and Louisblushes even harder as Zayn keeps going. “Oh god, I knew it. I knew you would fall for him. Louis, you can’t do that, you know that right?”

“What?” Louis asks, opening his eyes and glaring at Zayn. “You have been talking about me and Nick since this whole thing started, so what if I like him a little, huh? I mean, it’s... I know it’s…”

“I just don’t want you getting hurt,” Zayn says quietly, as if he is slowly trying to choose what to say to Louis now, to not push any buttons he doesn’t want to push. “Because you know, he is probably just flirting a little, or you know… He is a judge and you are a contestant and…”

“I know,” Louis grunts, hiding his face in the pillow. “I know all that okay, I know. I know nothing could never really happen between us, but I just… I just really can’t stop thinking about how sweet he is, you know?” Louis wonders how many times he has used the word sweet now, but it’s really just such a fitting description for Nick. “I mean, he cheered me up and encouraged me when I was nervous, and when I was drunk he made sure I got home okay, and I just… I didn’t know he was so…”

He stops talking, and Zayn just shakes his head, looking at Louis with pity in his eyes.

“And you are falling for him, aren’t you? You always do this.”

Louis wants to open his mouth and tell Zayn that he is dead wrong with that statement, but he knows he isn’t. It’s a well known fact that Louis constantly keeps doing this. He meets men who are nice to him, sweet, and he falls too hard and too quickly, ending up scaring them away or getting hurt when he realises that wasn’t at all what they had in mind. Then he is left with a broken heart and it takes him forever to get over it, until he finds someone new to fall for.

“I am not doing this,” he mutters, shaking his head. “I know Zayn, I know that it would be a really bad idea and I am very aware that he probably has no interest in me at all. Not a real interest anyway. I just… I just really wish that…”

Zayn covers his mouth with his hand, grinning.

“Let’s not wish for something, okay? Let’s just stay like this and focus instead on how to get you into one of those chairs. Who will be deciding that anyway?”

Louis sighs, nervously playing with the duvet.

“Well, we don’t know yet. Apparently the public is voting on which judge will mentor each category, and the one with the most votes is the one who will… It sounds like people want Nick to get either the groups or boys, and if he gets boys… he is the one who will decide my fate. Seriously.”

Zayn lets out a low whistle at that.

“Wow, that’s very dramatic. So… really, you need to sing a pretty good song to charm all of them anyway, right? So that they know that they should give you a chair.”

“And I don’t know what to sing!” Louis complains, because really, his mind is blank. He feels like he has already sung everything he knows he is really good at, and now he needs something even better. “Honestly Zayn, what should I sing? It needs to be good.”

“Don’t worry,” Zayn mumbles, kissing his temple. “We will come up with something, Louis. I promise.”

\--

Nick is scared to even look at twitter. He asks Collette to retweet some Nick for groups tweets, just to see if the public will take the hint that he wants the groups. He isn’t sure if it’s working though, because it seems like most of them wants him to get boys. At least that’s what he sees when he looks at the secret list he’s compiled of all the people that closely follow everything he does. And lots of them really want to see more of the way he interacts with Louis.

When the first episode aired, the one with Louis’ audition, Michael watched with a frown as he turned to Nick.

“You didn’t mention anything about this boy flirting with you.”

It’s something about the way he says _boy_ that just proves how much he dislikes this.

“It’s just a joke.”

“Doesn’t look like a joke,” Michael mutters, and it seems as if he is going to say something more, but he doesn’t. He just stays quiet, and Nick knows it will only get worse.

When boot camp airs, Nick is scared to watch, and he is horrified when they give Louis one of the longest segments, first with the group auditions where they clearly show Louis staring at Nick. He hadn’t even been told about the majority of the footage, and Nick _really_ hadn’t realised that Louis looked at him like that. It gets even worse when the solo boot camp auditions air, though.

“You didn’t tell me you have a boyfriend,” Michael says, after they show Louis clearly flirting with Nick, and Nick blushing. “Would have been nice to know.”

“Michael…” Nick says, wanting to give out a whine, because this is getting so stupid and he isn’t even sure how to respond. “It’s nothing, it’s just a joke and.. you know how they edit things on TV. They just make it seem like there’s something there that isn’t there. I mean he is just auditioning, it’s nothing.”

He pulls Michael closer, and Michael follows willingly.

“So you don’thave any contact with him or anything?” Michael asks after a while, as if he has been thinking about what to say. Nick bites his lip, wondering what to say to that.

“No, nothing,” he lies, and as soon as it’s out he feels awful. “He just auditions, that’s all. I think he flirts because that’s… how he is, you know? He flirted with Rita too, but they didn’t show that because it’s probably not as funny as when he flirts with me.”

Another lie. Michael seems to buy it though, and as they kiss, Nick wonders why he couldn’t just be honest about what is happening.

It’s not as if it means anything, anyway. It’s nothing.

\--

The first night of the six chair challengs comes way too soon. Nick isn’t sure which category he will get as he walks into the arena, meeting up with Rita who is praying for girls.

“I need to get the girls,” Rita says, repeating it again and again as they head into makeup. “You know? I could do so well with them.”

Nick nods, a bit distraught by the whole thing. He isn’t sure what he wants. Does he want the boys? Or does he not? He really probably doesn’t. He doesn’t want to say that though, in case someone hears, and especially not in front of Rita because she would tease him to no end. Instead he says nothing, which usually would worry Rita since she always makes fun of how much he talks, but it doesn’t seem to right now. Rita is too busystressing about her category to focus on the fact that Nick isn’t saying anything.

“Which category do you want anyway?” Rita asks, but thankfully before Nick can even reply, they are being called out to meet with Simon. Now that is something Nick is looking forward to. Hopefully, Simon will tell them which category they will get.

“What do you mean ‘get the news on stage’?” Nick asks, and he isn’t sure he has ever heard anything this absurd in his entire life. “We won’t know until we get out there?”

Simon shakes his head. Cheryl and Rita look like this doesn’t really bother them, but god, does it bother Nick. It bothers Nick a lot. Honestly, Nick is _this_ close to looking through his contracts to see if there is any way he can get out of this, because truth to be told, it’s the most uncomfortable thing he’s ever going to have to live through.

“But I want to know now,” he says weakly, because he isn’t sure what else to say. “God, I fucking need to know now. I can’t…”

“Nick, come on, it will be good TV,” Simon tells him, and Nick already knows that there is no point in arguing, no reason to go up against Simon when Simon has decided that something will get good ratings. “Our real reactions caught on camera, now that is something the public really wants to see, you know? Not us going out there already knowing what is going to happen. No, this is the best thing. You’ll see.”

Nick is positive that this isn’t the best thing to do, but again, he can’t really argue with Simon. What Simon says goes.

“So which category do you want?” Rita asks again as they walk out to face the crowd, but Nick pretends he can’t hear. He is way too busy trying to decide which face he will make when he finds out the results.

\--

“Here are our judges!” Olly says, the crowd going wild as he points to Nick, Rita, Simon, and Cheryl walking out on stage with big smiles.

“Looking excited there!” Caroline adds.Nick gives her a smile and a nod, because he knows that’s probably what they want, and although Nick is a bit scared about what is going to happen, the cheering from the excited makes Nick feel a bit better about the whole thing. Also, he knows that there are a lot of contestants backstage, currently biting their nails as they  wait to hear which judge will be their mentor, and Nick doesn’t want to make it worse by being negative. He knows that he will do a good job. He knows it.

“Well, first, the judge who gets the girls…” Caroline says as the crowd has started to quiet down, and everyone listens to her. “That will be the one and only… Rita Ora!”

Nick worries that maybe Rita will actually fly out of the O2from the happiness as she gets the news. TV screens from backstage show that the girls are excited about this too. Everyone is cheering and grabbing on to each other, and as Rita runs to join them, it’s a big hugging fest.

It’s not as joyful when Simon gets the Overs, though. Simon curses, obviously disappointed and clearly not caring about what people will say about his reaction, and maybe that’s the point of it all – if Simon wants views, this is one way to get them. After looking genuinely pissed off for a bit, Simon walks backstage to greet his contestants. Nick wants to send him a thank you note because really, no matter how Nick reacts now, it can’t be any worse than what he just witnessed from Simon.

“Now, who will get the boys, and who will get the groups?” Olly asks, and the crowd goes silent again as do Cheryl and Nick. Cheryl is gripping Nick’s arm tightly as she pulls on his sleeve, probably just to see if he is as nervous as she is. Nick thinks he is worse off.

“The one who will mentor our lovely boys this year…” Caroline says, turning to the screen were the name will appear. “That is… Nick Grimshaw!”

Nick doesn’t hear a thing and his face goes numb. The crowd must be going wild around him and Cheryl is jumping up and down in her high heels, something Nick would be impressed by if he wasn’t so focused on what Caroline just said.

He got the boys. He will mentor the boys. He will be Louis’ mentor.

He is smiling though, because the boys look so excited and that makes him excited too. He smiles as he makes his way out to meet them, and they run  up to hug him. Louis does too, and Nick wonders how this will go, but he doesn’t obsess about it. It will be fine.

“Guys, you’re gonna do great,” he says with a grin as they have started to calm down. “You know you will. Just go out there and sing as amazingly as you have been doing so far, and you will have nothing to worry about. I promise.”

They smile at him, and Nick smiles back. This will be great. He had no idea what he was worried about.

“Girls up first!” one of the lads in production says, and Nick pulls away to take his seat at the judge’s table.

Here it begins.

\--

Rita is a wreck after filling her six chairs. Having to say no to a few people was awful, and Nick tries to cheer her up as much as he can afterward.

“You made the right choices, you know that right?” he tells her, hugging her tight. “They all know that and you know that. It was the right thing to do.”

“I know, but I still feel awful,” Rita says, and Nick knows. He can only imagine how it must feel, and he is already worried about having to do this himself.

Thankfully, it’s Simon’s turn next though, and _he_ doesn’t seem to worry about it at all, just picks the ones he likes the best.

Nick has to wait until the second night. He gets home late, and Michael is back in his bed.

“How did it go with the boys?” Michael mumbles as he hears Nick getting into bed next to him.

“I’m, uh, we’re doing those tomorrow,” Nick says, yawning a little before he rolls over.

Michael doesn’t seem to want to talk, which Nick is fine with. He doesn’t feel like it either right now.

\--

The six chair challenge is the worst thing that Nick has ever experienced in his life.

He knows he thought the same things that when he found out which category he was going to mentor, but he was wrong. This is bad. This is awful.

Not only are all of the boys nervous, but Nick has no idea how to work with lots of them. While Rita had trouble with deciding who to put in her chairs because there were so many good girls, the boys just keep messing up and Nickcan’t justify giving them a chair when it’s like that.

Soon, Nick is frustrated enough that he wants to cry, which doesn’t help at all.

Until Louis steps out on the stage.

Nick’s heart does a flip, then starts beating faster as he hears the crowd react to the way Louis walks on stage, and Nick finds himself praying, actually praying that this will be good.

“Hello Louis,” Rita says with a smile as Louis takes his spot in front of the microphone. “I love the shirt.”

Louis looks down at his Vans shirt and smiles softly. Nick thinks he looks so soft, the whole essence of Louis Tomlinson right now is so soft and Nick just isn’t sure how anyone will be able to handle him.

“Thanks, Rita,” Louis says, thenlooks over at Nick, and Nick can’t help that his lips crook up in a smile.

“What will you be singing today, Louis Tomlinson?” Nick asks, and he leans back in his chair to try to relax. Louis smiles at him and clears his throat.

“I will be singing Fix You. By Coldplay.”

“Good song,” Nick hears Simon say, and Nick nods in agreement.

“Well, do me proud,” he says before he can stop himself, and that makes Louis laugh. He nods, and then the soft chords start playing and Louis starts singing.

“Finally,” Nick hears Rita whisper, and Nick can only agree. Finally.

Louis’ voice is just what they have been looking for. He is not an over the top performer like some of the other boys, but Nick is still sure that he’s got it all. He is calm as he sings, he makes the song speak to you, and even if there are some things Nick could work with there, he is pretty sure that Louis Tomlinson’s already got the whole package. All of it.

When he finishes singing, the crowd is going wild and gives him a standing ovation. Nick can’t help it, he stands up too, because that was just what he wanted and needed to hear. Someone who could sing, and who wasn’t consumed by nerves.

Rita smiles as she sees Nick stand up, but it doesn’t matter. Nick really doesn’t care about what anyone will say about it now.

“Louis, that was great,” Nick says, and looking to the other judges, he sees them nodding. Louis has tears in his eyes. “Wow I just… right now, I have no words. You remind us all of why we have this competition and why we want to be involved. You have charisma, the crowd loves you, we love you… I think it’s safe to say what I am going to do… that chair is yours.”

“Oh my god,” Louis lets out a little giggle. “Do you really mean it?”

“Yeah yeah, go on before I change my mind,” Nick jokes fondly, without thinking about it, and Louis runs off to sit down. Nick sits down too, not even realising he had been standing the whole time, and Rita teasingly nudges his arm. But right now, Nick doesn’t really care about anything else. He cares that he finally has a good act, and he is excited.

The last few performances of the night run smoothly. Nick thinks that the  others may have calmed down after Louis did that performance, because he finds lots of boysto fill his seats. When the night is over, Nick has a crew of 6 boys, all different but with one important similarity – Nick thinks they could be stars and he is thrilled to be working with them.

He also finds it extremely sweet that Louis to be even happier that Arctic Sulks made it through than he was picked himself, when he finds out Arctic Sulks is through as well. Cheryl being very happy with her choice of groups, all in all Nick thinks it’s been a successful couple of days.

“Do you want to come out with us and celebrate?” Louis asks Nick with a little wink as he meets him in the corridor backstage. Nick chuckles before shaking his head.

“Sorry, I have work early tomorrow, my other work. On the radio. But uhm, thank you for inviting me.”

“Sure,” Louis says with a little smile. “Maybe next time, mentor.”

Nick watches him leave before he takes a car back home.

He walks Pig before he goes to bed, for some reason very happy that he is alone tonight. Before he goes to bed, he decides he should follow all of his boys on twitter to show them some support, and if he follows Louis first, no one needs to know about that.

\--

“You want to take them to the countryside,” Simon repeats. “You, and  6 boys, and Mark Ronson….in the countryside.”

“Yeah,” Nick shrugs, and he doesn’t care that the others start chuckling about it. “Why not? I am not one to just jet off to another country, so why can’t I take them somewhereI know we will all be comfortable and we won’t have to deal with jet lag?”

The others still seem to think the idea is kind of silly, but they don’t say anything else, and Nick is happy with  his choice.

“Well, it is your choice,” Simon says, and he lets out a fond little sigh, which proves to Nick that even if Simon thinks the idea is crazy, he isn’t going to argue it with him. “I just think you could maybe pick a bit more exciting of a place, that’s all.”

“Oh, we will make this exciting, don’t worry,” Nick says. “Me and Mark have lots of plans for that believe me, lots of plans.”

That is kind of a lie considering he hasn’t even told Mark about his plans to go to the countryside, but he figures that it will all be okay anyway. Mark isn’t that difficult to deal with.

“Well then, Rita, what about you?” Simon asks, and Nick is left with his own thoughts again.

He hates that he wonders what Louis will think about the countryside.

\--

“You and Grimshaw away on a romantic trip…” Zayn starts, and Louis laughs.

“God, stop. You mean judge’s houses? More like me, Nick, 5 other boys, Mark Ronson and the crew, and then also my nerves about not making it through to live shows. That’s really what will happen, stop it.”

“Still,” Zayn teases him, and Louis rewards him with a pillow to the head.

“You know, I can’t wait to see if I get through to live shows,” Louis grins. “Because if I get picked, I get to move into the X Factor house and I won’t have to share a bed with you anymore.”

“That’s a lie!” Zayn laughs, throwing the pillow back at Louis. “You love spending time with me in bed. Honestly, will you even be able to sleep without me?”

“I sleep just fine without you,” Louis hums, and Zayn waves his hand, dismissing the statement.

“Eh, details. I know the truth and that is that you, Louis Tomlinson, really can’t live without me. You need me like oxygen.”

“God what a fucking lie, bro” Louis laughs, but he wraps his arms around Zayn as he does, hugging the other man tightly. “You know I will miss you though,  right?” he adds quietly, because it’s the truth. Zayn nods.

“You know, I will be here as soon as you come back and if you make it through to live shows, I will make sure to spend time with you as often as I can, okay?”

Louis smiles and lets his thumb rub over Zayn’s arm, drawing little circles.

“Zayn?”

“Yeah? Wanna go out for a smoke?” Zayn asks and Louis laughs.

“Well yes, but that isn’t what I was going to say.”

“Then spit it out, because I want to smoke,” Zayn grins, and Louis rolls his eyes.

“Well, do you think it’s weird?” He says quietly, looking away from Zayn as he feels a blush spreading on his cheeks. “That I… that I kind of like him. You know, Nick. Do you think it’s…”

“God, no,” Zayn says, crawling out of the bed to get to his pack of cigarettes. “I mean...he is hot, right? And just your type. I mean, sure, the situation isn’t perfect, but I don’t think it’s weird.”

Louis feels weirdly calmer when he hears Zayn say that. He has been thinking a lot lately, and he mostly comes back to worrying that maybe this isn’t okay. That maybe this situation is weird in more ways that one.

“Do you think… do you think he could like me too?” he asks, and Zayn sighs.

“Can we discuss this for the hundredth time over a fag? Please? Because I’ve been wanting one for hours now and I am starting to think you are trying to get me to quit by having to listen to you talk for hours.”

Louis laughs, but then he sits up and follows Zayn outside.

\--

“Welcome to this lovely little cottage!” Nick says with arms open wideas he looks at the six young men standing in front of him. “Isn’t it lovely?”

Louis is the first one to arch an eyebrow, and no one else says anything. And well okay, Nick’s got to admit that maybe, considering the pictures Rita has been showing him from sunny LA, the rainy English countryside doesn’t seem liket the best idea right now. Nick is freezing, and he bets the boys are too, while Mark is mostly laughing at the whole situation though.

“Well, good news is there’s a fireplace inside this cottage and hopefully it will keep us warm while I wait for your performances,” Nick quickly adds, and the others laugh before they follow him inside.

“Why did you pick this place?” Louis asks, causing a snicker from one of the other boys called Tom. Nick shrugs.

“I wanted to show you something you weren’t expecting, and this wasn’t something you’d expect, right? All new things.”

One of those new things is that when it gets extra windy that night, a nearby tree falls over the house and they have to evacuate. It’s all very exciting.

\--

Nick is very impressed with all of the boys. There is one called Josh who sings his heart out in a way that Nick didn’t even know someone could, and then Tom, who Louis seems to be getting on with just fine is good too, and then there’s Louis, who sings Torn and makes Nick a bit more emotional than he probably should be. They’re just rehearsing now, preparing for the day when they will actually perform their whole judge’s houses audition, and Nick wonders if they will be even better by then. He isn’t sure how he will ever pick just three of them.

“Do you know who you think should go through?” Nick asks Mark over a coffee. Mark shrugs as they look out the window. Outside,the guys are playing footie, or trying anyway, and Louis seems to be a star out there as well. Nick wonders how he does it.

“I guess we will see tomorrow, won’t we?” Mark asks, and Nick nods. Yes they will.

It won’t be easy, but it’s they have to do it.

\--

“Is this seat taken?”

Nick looks up and Louis is standing there. He looks soft, like he isready for bed, sweatpants, hoodie and a mug of tea that honestly looks gigantic in his small hands. Nick shakes his head.

“No, uhm, I guess it’s not,” he says, motioning to the seat next to him.

He’s sitting in front of the biggest window in the cottage, just next to the fireplace. It’s dark, but you can see stars which is amazing because sometimes Nick forgets just how beautiful a starry sky is. Being in London, pollution has kind of ruined everything when it comes to stars, but out here – out here there are stars splattered everywhere across the night sky and Nick finds it comforting. Curled up in a comfortable armchair under a blanket, even more so. Nick is pretty sure this is a good thing, a really good thing.

“You can’t sleep?” Louis asks after they have been quiet a while, and Nick lets out a little chuckle.

“No, no I guess I can’t. It’s a lot to think about you know? Always have trouble sleeping then.”

“Me too,” Louis says, and then he laughs a little, glancing over at Nick. “It’s funny how we always seem to find ourselves together late at  night, isn’t it? Like… always.”

Nick smiles, meeting Louis’ eyes before he looks back up at the stars.

“Yeah, it really is,” he says quietly, as the scent of Louis’ tea drifts over to him. It makes him want some tea of his own, but he is too lazy to get up and make some, so he guesses it will have to wait until the morning.

“The others fell asleep right away,” Louis continues. “But I’m just not feeling it. Maybe I’m weird.”

“Yeah, you are,” Nick agrees teasingly, and Louis leans over to playfully slap his shoulder.

“Hey, aren’t you supposed to be our mentor? Aren’t you like… supposed to make sure that we are fine and encouraged, not make us feel bad?” he teases, and Nick lets out a laugh.

“No, it’s actually my job to be awful and horrible.”

“Damn, knew I should have voted for Cheryl for the boys category,” Louis hums, and Nick’s heart stops a little without him allowing it to as he realises that maybe Louis voted for him to mentor the boys. It could be interpreted that way anyway.

“Yep, too late now,” Nick grins, and Louis chuckles. He sips his tea while they sit quietl, until Louis gets up.

“I should probably uhm, you know, get back to bed,” he says, pointing upstairs, as if Nick would have forgotten where the bedrooms are. Nick swallows.

“Yeah, you know it would probably be a good idea because you are… singing tomorrow,” Nick nods, and Louis nods back and walks to the door.

He is almost out of the sitting room door  when he turns around.

“Nick?”

Nick looks up.

“Yeah, Lou?”

The nickname comes out before Nick can even think about it, but if Louis reacts badly to him calling him that, he doesn’t show it. Louis leans against the doorframe.

“You are, you know?” he asks, licking his lips. “Good. A good mentor, I mean. You are good. We all think so.”

He slips away before Nick can say anything.

“Thank you,” comes three seconds too late, and Nick feels a bit stunned. He isn’t sure if he will ever sleep now.

\--

Joe messes up his lines, which is sad because Nick thinks that Joe could be really good on the show. The others do well though, really well, and as Louis is up last. Nick knows he’s got a lot to prove.

“Hey there,” Louis says as he takes his place, sittingon a high stool facing Nick and Mark. Nick can’t help but smile.

“Hello, Louis. You plan to make us proud, don’t you?”

“Always, ain’t that right?” Louis asks and he winks.  Nick doesn’t even blush this time because he’s gotten so used to it.

“Yeah, you are great at that,” Nick says instead, finding himself flirting back. Mark clears his throat, and this time Nick blushes because well, maybe he was letting things go a bit too far.

“I’m just gonna go ahead and sing,” Louis says, and once he starts, Nick disappears into the other world he always disappears into when he hears Louis’ voice.

It’s great. He is great. This performance is filled with heart and soul, and glancing over at Mark, he seems to be into it too.

Louis smiles when the song is finished, leaving the room as Nick turns to Mark for his reaction.

“So, what do you think?”

“I think that little one with the cheekbones has got a crush on someone,” Mark laughs, and Nick blushes before glaring at Mark.

“I meant about the singing. If you wanna tease someone, go find Rita.”

Mark laughs again and shakes his head.

“They are great Nick, they all are. Tough choices, don’t you think?”

Nick nods. They really are amazing. He isn’t sure what to do.

“But you think Louis can make it, right?” he asks, because for some reason he just needs that confirmation. He needs someone else to say that Louis could be good. “I mean, because…” he pauses, trying to find the words to explain it. “There are some things that he needs  to work on that we could really help with, you know? And I’ll say that it’s pretty likely that he  would do well on this show, because he’s got the it-factor, doesn’t he? We just have to get him to the X and…”

“Nick, Nick,” Mark laughs, shaking his head. “I’m with you, okay? I agree, Louis is great. He is not going to be a bad addition to the show, and I think that considering what the others showed today, he is truly deserving of a spot. I think you should pick Louis, Josh, and Tom to be honest. They are different but good, and it would be great for the show to have all of them. I think you have the winner in your category actually, unless Jay or Arctic Sulks get it.”

Nick nods, trying to process everything that Mark just said.

“You really think so?”

Mark nods again and grins, patting Nick’s shoulder.

“Think about it, okay? But I know you’re gonna make the right choice, I just know it.”

Nick sighs. He hopes so.

\--

Nick is exhausted as he heads upstairs to the bedroom, and he realises too late that he is running straight into someone else.

“Fuck, sorry!” he whispers as they crash together, and it’s then that he  that the other person is Louis.

Louis looks up at him. They are much closer than they should be and Nick knows that he should move away, but for some reason his feet are nailed to the ground.

“We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” Louis jokes, but he isn’t moving away either. He smells of shampoo and some kind of cologne still prominent from earlier in the day, and Nick’s got to swallow and wonder what in the world he did to deserve having to run into Louis like this, and why he is cursed to see Louis looking so soft and warm all the time.

“Yeah I know,” Nick mumbles, and still he isn’t moving away. Instead he sticks to the spot as Louis moves a little closer, and Nick realises a bit too late exactly what is happening.

“Nick…” Louis whispers, licking his lips as he meets Nick’s eyes and Nick feels his heart beat faster because fuck, they shouldn’t keep doing this, and Louis shouldn’t affect him like this, and it just can’t happen.

“I’m uh…” Nick starts, and Louis’ hand moves up his arm now. Nick wonders if it’s possible to have your skin feel like it is burning with every touch, because really, that’s what he feels like right now.

“I think you are great…” Louis whispers, and Nick considers just fainting toget this moment over with as Louis moves closer. He is so, so close now. Nick can feel his breath, warm and minty and fresh. “Is it wrong that I…”

“I have someone,” Nick says quietly, even if he knows it’s not the point here and maybe him saying that is turning this into something it shouldn’t be, even more than it already has. “Back home.”

“Don’t we all,” Louis says, and his eyes are so very blue, especially in this light.Nick isn’t sure why he ever signed up to do something like this. He looks around to see if the other boys are around, but there’s no one in sight. They must have all gone to bed, which leaves Nick with Louis. Alone. Like always. Always left alone with Louis, and he hopes no one thinks that he is planning this.

His mind suddenly processes what Louis has said, and it makes his insides go cold.

“Do you?” Nick asks, not sure if he want an answer to that question. Louis shrugs.

“Not really. Not anymore. I mean people think me and Zayn, but…” he pauses, shaking his head as he looks back up at Nick. “Nope. There is no one back home waiting for me. Just me. I’m here.”

Nick closes his eyes, swallowing hard. He is about to open them again when he feels Louis’ hand settle on his cheek. Nick opens his eyes, certain he should push Louis away, but he can’t. Louis caresses his cheek, smiling softly as his fingertips trace the line of Nick’s jaw.

“I don’t want you to think this is just because… because you’re you,” Louis says, and Nick can’t help but smile at that. Louis smiles too. “I mean, I mean it’s because you’re you but… you, not because it’s… you, you know?”

“That is the most complicated sentence I have ever heard and it makes no sense at all,” Nick teases him, feeling a bit of the tension disappear. Louis lets out a little chuckle and shakes his head.

“Shut up, you know what I mean.”

And Nick knows, somehow, he does. He understands what Louis means, but he just wishes that was the problem. It’s not the problem.

“I know,” Nick mumbles, and he is painfully aware of the fact that Louis is still touching his face. It takes all of his being to not just pull Louis closer into his arms immediately to just feel his body against his. “If that was the problem, I wouldn’t still be here, I would have… pulled away. But it’s not. That’s not the problem.”

“You have someone,” Louis repeats, and Nick nods. He closes his eyes again and as he does, he feels Louis’ hand disappear from his face. He resists the urge to pull him back.

“I do.”

“The photographer,” Louis says, and Nick wonders how he knows, then he remembers that it’s not really a secret since he started posting pictures. “He’s your boyfriend.”

“He’s not…” Nick starts, because it’s not a label they have. He stops though, sighs, and shakes his head. “It’s just really complicated, but I can’t… I can’t do this with him thinking that… I just can’t.”

“Hey,” Louis says softly, and he takes Nick’s hand, giving it a light squeeze. “I understand okay? It’s not a problem. I’ll… we’ll forget I ever said anything, okay?” he gives Nick a little smile, but this one seems forced. “Crush forgotten, you don’t have to worry about it. I’ll get over it.”

“Louis…” Nick says, but Louis has already pulled away, heading back to his bedroom. Nick thinks it’s probably best if he lets him go.

\--

“I need to talk to you,” Nick says,his voice thick, and he wonders if this is a reason why he has never had many serious relationships, because honestly – this is way more than he thinks he can handle. He isn’t even sure what he is supposed to say. He hasonly just put his bag down on the floor, been home for three seconds, but he knows he needs to say this. Now. Now, before anything else happens. Before he chickens out.

Michael looks up. He’s reading a book Nick got him for Christmas last year and it hurts so much to see that. Nick feels closer to tears than ever before.

“What’s wrong?” Michael asks, and Nick swallows again, feeling a tear trickle down his cheek. “God, Nick, what’s the matter? You look like you’re sick.”

“I’m sorry,” Nick says, and he is suddenly not sure what to say. How do you break up with someone you’re not officially dating? “I can’t do this anymore.”

“You can’t do what?” Michael asks, and he gets up, wrapping both his arms around Nick, and Nick falls into his arms so easily. It feels even worse that Michael is comforting him when Nick is about to do something horrible. “Two jobs? I know it’s tough, baby. You have been working so hard. Maybe you can ask for some time off? They can’t expect you to handle all this and…”

“No,” Nick’s voice is so uncharacteristically weak. He isn’t sure if he has ever heard himself sound like this. “I don’t mean the jobs.”

“Then what do you mean?” Michael looks puzzled and Nick pulls away so that he can look at him properly.

It’s quiet for a few moments. Then, it’s like Michael suddenly understands what it is Nick is saying, and his eyes shift from worried to hurt.

“You mean us,” Michael says before Nick can say anything. “You mean you can’t do this with me anymore. You can’t…you can’t do us.”

“I’m sorry.” Nick wipes his eyes and wonders if he should pull Michael closer again, or if he should leave, or do something that will make this better. He has no idea what to do. He has never been the one breaking up with someone before. The few quasi-relationships he’s had in the past, he has been the one who was walked out on. “I’m sorry, I just…”

“Hey,” Michael says, and his voice is so cold that Nick feels his blood freeze at the sound. “Doesn’t matter. We never said this was anything, just some fun to keep us going. It wasn’t anything serious, right?”

“Michael…”

“Really,” Michael walks back to the sofa, grabbing his bag and putting his book inside, and heads toward the door. “You don’t have to explain anything. We can’t do something that doesn’t work for us, right?”

“Michael, please don’t leave. Please let me explain…” Nick begs, but Michael is putting on his jacket and shoesn, opening the door.

“Don’t worry about it,” he repeats, and takes a step outside. “Don’t worry about it.”

Nick takes a few step out the door as Michael leaves, and he thinks he is gone, but Michael turns back to look at him.

“It’s Louis, isn’t it? The guy from the show.”

Nick doesn’t say anything.

“That’s what I thought,” Michael says, shaking his head. “So you lied. It’s whatever, Nick.”

“Michael, we never did anything…”

“Clearly you did something,” Michael says. His eyes look cold in the dark. “If you didn’t sleep together, you at leastdid enough to break us up.”

“Michael…”

“Tell Louis I said hi,” Michael says, before he turns around and leaves.

It’s cold and Nick’s cheeks are wet from his tears and the rain before he realises he should go back inside.

\--

“Michael and I broke up,” Nick says quietly. Rita looks up, looking as if she is having trouble processing the information before she finally comprehends what he’s said.

“Wait, you what?” she asks, walking over to him. As her arms wrap around him, Nick gratefully rests his head in the crook of her neck and closes his eyes. “Tell me about it.”

“I don’t know,” Nick says quietly and shakes his head, even if he knows his quiff must be tickling her. She doesn’t seem to care about that though, because she keeps holding him. “I mean, can you even break up if you weren’t together in the first place?”

“You can,” Rita says softly. “If you feel like it was a breakup, then it was. But what happened?”

Nick sighs, he isn’t even sure how to start this without giving Rita way too much information. But then again, Rita is his friend, and who will he even talk to if he can’t talk to her? He takes a deep breath.

“It’s been…bad for a bit, you know? I mean, I work so much and I don’t have lots of time and well… I mean, I haven’t been such a good… non-boyfriend, or whatever I should call it.”

Rita tilts her head and watches him carefully with her big eyes.

“Nick, hun, I hate to say it but you have always worked lots and lots and it has never seemed to be a problem with Michael before. What is it that is different now?”

Nick is silent for a bit, carefully choosing his next words. He isn’t sure what to do, because no matter what he says now, Rita will think something is actually up between him and Louis.He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath before he continues.

“Michael was…” he starts, not sure how he should keep going. Jealous? Because that would make it seem like Michael walked out, which he didn’t. Well, he walked out, but it was only because Nick said he couldn’t do this anymore. It was not something that Michael chose to do himself. “I mean, I was…”

Rita watches him.

“Nick, is this about Louis?”

Nick freezes. He really shouldn’t keep talking. If Rita is already figuring things out, it must be really noticeable, and he should definitely shut up about Louis maybe being the reason his non-relationship just went down the drain. Rita shakes her head.

“Please don’t freak out. Just tell me. I worry about you, darling. Is this about Louis?”

Nick sighs. He watches Rita, but it doesn’t seem like she is out to make fun of him, or torun and tell Simon. He’s not even sure why he even thinks she would do that. He should know that she is his friend and that she wouldn’t do anything like that to him. Nick sighs, and then nods.

“I guess. I mean, I don’t know. But we really clicked, Rita. I know it started as a joke and I think we both flirted a little just for fun, but we just…we just clicked.”

“I noticed,” Rita says softly, and she hugs Nick a bit tighter. “You know we were just messing with you, right? Teasing a little. But I could tell that maybe you starting to actually like him. You two are a lot… alike, you know? I’d say you have a lot of things in common.”

Nick arches an eyebrow. More in surprise than anything else, because he wasn’t aware that them having lots in common was something that people noticed. Rita keeps nodding.

“Yeah, come on. I mean you both like being the centre of attention. You are very loud. You talk a lot. Northern. And you have this crazy idea that people like you,” she winked, showing that she was teasing. “And you are both very sweet, Nick. I really thought you would hit it off, I mean, I think he is one of those lads you would chat up in a club if we were out. You just happened to meet while he was auditioning instead of dancing, that’s all.”

Nick sighs. Part of him knows that Rita is right.

“I just don’t know what to do,” he says, and it’s really true. “I honestly don’t know what to do, Rita. Here we are and he is… is in the competition and I am a mentor, his mentor, and god, this could be so fucking bad if people think I am keeping him in the competition because…”

“Hey, no,” Rita protests, shaking her head. “We know that’s not it, okay? We know that you are keeping Louis because he is great. Hey, we all want to keep Louis, okay? Everyone likes him. He’s even got a fanbase already and that’s saying something. No one would think you were keeping him just because you want to…”

“God,” Nick grunts, hiding his face in his hands. “I don’t even know what I want. I mean, what is this going to lead to?”

Rita shrugs, which helps Nick about as much as his own mind does.

“I don’t know, Grim,” she says truthfully as she thinks about it. “But you won’t know if you don’t try, right?” she pauses, before giving a sigh. “I am sorry about you and Michael, though. Really sorry. Will you be okay? I mean your friendship?”

Nick swallows. He hasn’t even had time to think about it, but considering the state that Michael was in when he left him, he is just hoping their friendship will survive..

“I don’t know,” he whispers quietly, hoping that it’s not obvious how close he is to tears. “I am really not sure, Rita. We haven’t spoken since I… since I told him I can’t do this anymore.”

Rita looks at him. She looks sad, like she is trying to figure out what to say.

“It will be okay,” she finally decides on, and puts a hand on Nick’s lap. “Nick, I promise you it will be okay.”

Nick hopes she is right.

\--

Nick looks around to see if maybe Michael will show up for the judges’ houses reveal like he said he would, but of course, he hasn’t. Nick sighs, but there is so much else to focus on that he can’t really think about it.

“The last boy that I’m going to take with me to live shows…” he says dramatically, putting on a show just like Simon said they should  to make it exciting for the viewers. “...is Louis Tomlinson.”

A loud cheer erupts through the arena, and the remaining boys look disappointed, but they all hug Louis tightly, while Louis looks ready to cry. Nick can see Louis’ friend, Zayn,  cheering loudly near the stage and Nick smiles, giving Louis a little wave as he turns to a grinning Olly.

“And there you have it, everyone’s ready for live shows! Are you ready to take your boys through?” he asks, and Nick grins.

“Yes Olly, yes I am.”

He hopes so, anyway.

\--

**_“TOMLINSON BREAKING OTHERS HEARTS NOW?”_ **

_We have all the gossip you want to know about X Factor, and right now, you should focus on Louis Tomlinson! That’s right, the one who swept us all off our feet during his first audition, and then kept on moving up through boot camp and the six chair challenge, until mentor Nick Grimshaw decided to put him through to live shows, which start next week. And well, here is what we have hear, and hold on for this one – seems like Louis Tomlinson is causing actual trouble for Grimshaw!_

_A little digging from our reporters show that since Louis started his X Factor journey, there’s been a lot of focus on him and Nick. Their relationship is clearly special, as they have seen flirting during almost every audition so far. And as much as we love the idea of that, we had thought it was just a joke._

_That seems to be unlikely considering there is now proof that maybe it wasn’t just a joke, and perhaps the sparks between Louis Tomlinson and mentor Nick Grimshaw might, in fact, be something real. What makes us believe that? Well, for starters, it was quite a shock when photographer Michael Mayren, someone close to Nick who has been rumoured to be more than a friend – has now cut all ties with the radio DJ/mentor. This weekend, Mayren unfollowed Grimshaw on Instagram, and you know what they say folks, in modern days, that is as bad as an arrow through the heart. Ouch! Is Louis Tomlinson behind all this? It seems likely, don’t you think? We will keep you updated._

_(We have tried to reach all involved in this dramatic triangle for a comment, without success.)_

“I’m sorry,” Rita says, and she looks ready to cry. “I have no idea how they got this idea, Nick. I swear to you I didn’t tell anyone. I swear, I said nothing. Nothing at all.”

Nick looks up from his phone. He resists aggressively blocking this stupid gossip site. He was having a good day, actually the first good day since the breakup with Michael, or whatever you call it. And now this.

Nick is exhausted from early mornings on the radio and late night with his three boys, and this was just the last straw.

“Fuck them,” Nick says, shaking his head. “They just want to create drama. They are grasping at for straws. Just fucking ignore them, I’m gonna ignore them. I know you didn’t say anything,” he adds quickly, because he realises that is probably what Rita is mostly worried about – that he will think that she was the one behind this. As if Rita would talk to the press about Nick’s relationship.

“Did Michael really unfollow you, though?” Rita asks quietly and well, that- that is something that hurts to talk about. Nick nods slowly.

“Yeah… yeah he did. I don’t know, you know the whole promo thing for the X Factor and I upload a lot of pictures with the boys and… I mean he’s…”

“He’s jealous,” Rita says with a little nod. “Of course he is.”

“Yeah,” Nick says quietly. “Yeah, he is jealous.”

“Can you blame him?”

Nick thinks about it. Part of him wants to say that yes, he can blame him, because really, they had an understanding that this wasn’t going to get serious. That they would be friends who were occasionally a bit more than friends, and that would be it. Nick hates the term ‘friends with benefits,’ but he thought it was what they had. And he thought it was going well. Great, even.

But he knows he is being unfair, and he knows that no matter what he wants to tell himself, of course it’s not unreasonable that Michael is jealous. They had something, and now it’s gone. Honestly, now even thier friendship is gone, which may be what hurts the most. He unfollowed Michael as well when he noticed that Michael had stopped following him. Maybe a bit immature, but Nick can’t help it.

“No, no I guess I can’t blame him,” he says in response to Rita’s question. “I mean, he really thinks something is going on with me and Louis.”

“And you’re saying there isn’t anything going on?” Rita asks quietly, softly, and Nick knows she isn’t trying to be mean, that she is just genuinely curious about what is going on.

Nick sighs. Shaking his head, he looks at Rita and then nods.

“No, yes… I mean, I don’t know. God, Rita. I just can’t stop thinking about him. There’s just something there whenever we spend time together. I just feel…” he pauses, not sure of his words. He wants to say he feels complete, but he isn’t sure if he wants to say that out loud. He isn’t that cheesy. “I just feel like that’s where I belong. God, how stupid am I? I barely even know the guy.”

Rita lets out a little laugh.

“I feel like I’m constantly repeating myself, but Nick, we all knew there was something special between you and Louis. You have something, you just need to accept that. Maybe… maybe you should just go for it.”

Nick shakes his head.

“I can’t. Rita, I can’t, he is… in the competition and I’m the judge and people would… I mean I’m his mentor!”

Rita sighs.

“I know. But you won’t be forever, right? And is it really worth the risk of losing him just because you’re afraid?”

“I can’t,” Nick interrupts her, shaking his head. “Rita I just… I just really can’t. I can’t and I’m sorry.”

“Hey, I’m not saying you have to do anything,” Rita tells him with a little frown. “Not at all. I’m just saying you shouldn’t be afraid, Grim.”

Nick sighs. That’s the whole problem.

He is afraid.

\--

“Should we talk about that article or…?” Louis asks, and Nick shakes his head quickly. They have been in rehearsals for hours. Nick is ready to go home and pass out in his bed, and he’s wondering if it’s only because of the long rehearsals, or something else entirely. This is exhausting.

“No, no let’s just… not talk about that, no,” he says quickly as well, his mouth stumbling over words and he isn’t sure why. Louis nods, looking a bit uneasy.

“I… yeah…”

It takes Nick a moment to realise that this is probably the first thing Louis has had written about him, ever. And that no matter whether or not it’s true, it’s still a huge deal to have these things said about you. Sadly, Nick has gotten used to having his face splashed across the media, in more stories than he can count, but this is new to Louis. He isn’t used to people caring about what he does, and Nick feels sorry for him, knowing that it’s probably only the beginning.

“Don’t care about it, okay?” he says, hoping he seems comforting enough. “It’s...nothing.”

“The press are such jerks, aren’t they?” Josh asks, and Nick nods.

“Yes, they are, and that’s why we shouldn’t focus on that. We should focus on you boys and your songs, so that you can show the public that nothing is more important than the music this weekend, okay?”

“Yeah, because there’s nothing going on,” Tom says, and Nick shouldn’t look to Louis but he does, and as their eyes meet, Louis blushes. Nick feels bad. He feels so, so bad.

“Yeah, nothing,” Nick echoes, and then shakes his head. “Come on guys, one more run-through, okay? I want you all to be perfect for the live show, and I know you will be. Just one more time.”

\--

Louis is pretty sure he is going to be sick.

“I can’t do this,” he says to Harry. Harry rolls his eyes fondly and gives him a hug.

“Of course you can, love. You are a born performer and your song is great. You will do fine.”

“How are you so calm about this?” Louis asks, because it’s really a bit rude how Harry doesn’t seem to be affected at all. Harry shrugs.

“I do yoga. It helps a lot. You should try it sometime.”

“Don’t listen to him, Louis,” Niall warns, while tuning his guitar for tonight’s show. Louis is impressed by how shiny and red it is. “He is totally nervous. He just looks like this when he is nervous. He’s not like the rest of us.”

Harry sticks his tongue out in Niall’s direction.

“Hush, Horan.”

“You lads ready to go down yet?” Jay asks, and Louis frowns as the older guy walks up. He isn’t sure why Jay hates him, but making it through to live shows, he is certain that he does. Jay keeps making snarky comments, and if Louis wasn’t so nervous about not being able to sing this song, or to get voted off as the first act, he would definitely talk back to him.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Liam asks, because Liam clearly isn’t afraid of speaking up to him right now. Louis wishes he could do that too. Jay laughs.

“Well, you know, it’s usually a single act and a group that go first, and I think it could be you guys, don’t you?”

“Why do you have to be such a dick?” Louis snaps, because, really, that was too much. “Don’t you have anything better to do, huh? Maybe work on your own song, because I heard you trying to hit those high notes and honey, you weren’t even close.”

Jay looks ready to kill him.

“Fuck off, Tomlinson,” he says, before storming off and Louis can’t help but feel very pleased with having won.

It doesn’t last long though, because soon the nerves are back. He wishes Zayn was here, but Zayn isn’t allowed backstage right now.

“What is that guy’s problem?” Niall asks, and Louis just shakes his head.

“I don’t know. I really don’t know,” he mumbles.

\--

When the results are in, Tamara is the one leaving the competition, and Rita is crying over losing one of her girls. Nick tries to feel badly for her, but he is also so extremely happy that all his boys are through to the next week, all of them.

It doesn’t seem like the cheering ever stops. It keeps going after they end the show on TV and people start leaving the arena. Nick and his boys leave the stage to go back to the dressing room for a moment before they go out to celebrate with friends and family.

“Guys, you did so well! Go on, celebrate, this is your night!” Nick says, hugging them all as Josh and Tom quickly run off to meet their families.

Louis stays behind, and Nick walks over to him.

“Congratulations!” Nick says.  He is a little out of breath from cheering so loudly, and Louis looks like he is ready to fly. Louis grins, nodding, and looks over to the side of the stage, where the other boys have met their families and Zayn is waiting.

“Thank you,” Louis mumbles, and suddenly Nick feels very aware of how close they are to each other.  Before Nick can stop himself or Louis, he isn’t really sure who starts it, they both are leaning closer.

Their lips meet carefully, as if they have been wanting to for a long time, but are still unsure if this is allowed. Nick’s heart beats faster, and he worries for a moment that maybe someone will see them, but they should be safe from prying eyes and curious minds back here. Nick wraps an arm around Louis, almost unaware that he is doing it, and Louis so easily leans into his grasp.  The kiss deepens, and Nick hears a tiny voice in the back of his head say that this is wrong on so many levels. But also, Nick feels like this is so right on so many levels that he never wants to stop.

It’s Louis that stops it. With a little sigh, he pulls away, looking up at Nick with big, blue eyes as he licks his lips.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have done that.” He says, quietly taking a few steps back. “I was just so happy.”

Nick opens his mouth to say that it was okay, that it didn’t feel wrong for him and that he didn’t mind Louis doing this, but no words come out. He just stares. Louis keeps backing away.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers again, and Nick really should say something. He really should.

“Louis…” he starts, but by then Louis has already disappeared, and he can’t hear Nick calling out for him.

Nick leans against the wall, and his lips still taste like Louis when his tongue darts out to lick over them.

If there is such a thing as in too deep, Nick is pretty sure he is there right now.


	4. mistakes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey another chapter!! Only two to go. This chapter contains smut. Also thanks to my betas and next chapter will be up on CHRISTMAS DAAAY!!

“Party!” Zayn yells, jumping up on Louis’ back as they exit the house, heading to the nearest club where most of the people from X Factor hang out. “You’re gonna pull tonight, Mr. Star.”

“Zayn…” Louis grunts, struggling a little under Zayn’s weight. “Can we just…”

“Drink, dance, fuck strangers? Well, yes we can!” Zayn says, and he is a bit too cheerful for Louis right now. Louis is still shaking, because just moments ago he had Nick’s lips on his, and well, wasn’t that just the biggest mistake ever.

“Zayn, I’m not sure I feel like it,” Louis says, immediately wishing he hadn’t done that. Zayn freezes.

“Okay, let me down, let me down,” Zayn says, jumping off Louis and coming to standg in front of him with a serious look on his face. “What do you mean you don’t feel like it? You just had the best performance. We go into that club and everyone will want to get with you. Are you serious? You don’t feel like it? What’s the matter with you?”

One might think that Louis had personally offended Zayn. Louis just rolls his eyes and shrugs, looking down at his shoes.

“I don’t know. I guess it’s just… post-show nerves, I just feel like…”

Zayn stares at him.

“Okay, what happened?” he asks, eyes widened, and Louis tries his best to look as if he has got no idea what Zayn is talking about.

“What do you mean?” he asks, and Zayn grabs his arm.

“Louis Tomlinson, you will tell me right now what happened that is causing you to not want to party, because I am not having it,” he hisses in his ear, and Louis sighs, before letting out a little pathetic whine.

“I don’t want to talk about it,”

“We are talking about it.”

“Zayn, please,” Louis pleads, but he knows there is no arguing with Zayn when he gets like this.

“Tell me,” Zayn almost forces him, and Louis knows there is no way he can get out of this without telling him the truth. He could try to come up with a last second lie, something to try throw  Zayn off his trail, but he knows it’s impossible – Zayn can always tell when he’s lying. They have known each other long enough for that, and Louis isn’t going to be able to fake his way out of this one.

“Fine,” he gives up, shrugging his shoulders, trying to make it seem like what he is about to tell Zayn is not a big deal. “I uh, kind of, maybe kissed… Nick.”

Zayn stares at him.  He is silent for so long that Louis starts to worry that he’s lost the ability to speak.

“You what?” Zayn asks, finally, and Louis sighs, looking down.

“Please don’t make me repeat it,” he begs, looking up again to meet his friend’s brown eyes. “I kissed Nick, okay. I kissed him. Lips touching, tongues touching, and I think I just messed everything up.”

Zayn looks like he needs to sit down. He goes a bit pale, his hand covering his mouth.

“You kissed Nick Grimshaw.”

Louis nods, looking away.

“God, you fucking kissed Nick Grimshaw.”

“A bit louder, please Malik?” Louis glares. “I don’t think quite everyone in London heard you yet.”

“Shit, I’m sorry,” Zayn says, looking around as if he is just now realising that they are out in the middle of a public street. When he speaks again, it’s in a whisper that Louis barely can hear.

“But fuck, you kissed?” he asks, shaking his head. “God, how did it happen? Why? Have you been doing other stuff, did I…”

“Just a kiss,” Louis says quietly. “I mean it was just… just a kiss. I think he has… I mean it’s over between him and Michael, and I was happy and he was happy and it just… fuck, it just happened, Zayn.”

“But you’ve wanted this since you met him!” Zayn says, shaking his head as though he can’t really understand why Louis isn’t making a big deal out of this. It makes Louis even more nervous, because he doesn’t want this to be a big deal. He just wants it to be a casual, simple thing.

Because if he lets his mind start thinking about how this actually, really is a Pretty Big Thing, then he is pretty sure that he will never be able to stop thinking about it. Ever.

“I just don’t know, Zayn,” he says instead, sighing as he does, and leans into Zayn who is quick to put his arms around him. It’s comforting to know that Zayn is there. “I mean, he’s fun, we have fun, and now we’ve kissed and I feel like I fucking ruined everything.”

“Why would it ruin everything just because you finally kissed?” Zayn frowns, and Louis sighs.

“I don’t know.”

“Didn’t he kiss back?”

“Well yes, but…”

“Well then, you can’t say that he didn’t want it either, right? So, most likely he wanted to kiss you just as badly as you wanted to kiss him, and it’s all good, isn’t it?” Zayn’s eyes look big and happy, and Louis knows he is trying to cheer him up. Louis wishes it could be this easy, he really does, but he just doesn’t think it is.

“I don’t know, Zayn,” he says again. “I mean, it was a kiss. Spur of the moment. Most likely he is at home right now feeling disgusted over the whole thing.”

Zayn laughs out loud at that.

“Sorry bro, but you’re not that bad of a kisser, are you? I know it. So no, he isn’t at home feeling disgusted, probably rubbing one out over the memory of your lips if you ask me…”

“Zayn!” Louis closes his eyes, grimacing. “Don’t say that.”

“Why not?” Zayn asks innocently. “I’m pretty sure it’s true, don’t you think?”

“No,” Louis mutters and  walks towards the bar, because even if he doesn’t feel like it, a drink would probably be a good idea.

He is not thinking about Nick tonight.

\--

Nick knows he needs to talk to Louis about what happened. If he spends any more time thinking about it, he will go insane. It’s just really difficult to find the time to talk with Louis, considering that he works two jobs right now and Louis, well, Louis is constantly rehearsing or spending time with the contestants.

Nick finds him one day when the other two boys have finished rehearsing. Louis is staying behind, sitting at a table drinking tea and reading something, but Nick can’t tell whate knows, he knows that he needs to talk to Louis now, because if he doesn’t, he will never get this off his mind.

He walks up to him, quietly enough that Louis doesn’t even notice him coming.

Nick swallows hard.

“I think we should talk.”

Louis looks up, and then his eyes immediately dart down again.  He almost looks scared of what Nick might say to him.

“Uh…” he mumbles, and Nick feels the need to reach out to him.

Which he does. And as his hand falls on Louis’ hand, Louis looks up again.

“Nick…”

“I just… we… kissed,” he says quietly, sitting down next to Louis. He looks around to make sure that no one is listening in on their conversation, because that would be too awkward. Louis nods.

“Yes, uhm, I was aware actually.”

“I just…” Nick hates when he gets like this, when he second guesses himself and overthinks, wonders what everything means.  The fun thing is that when he was with Michael he wasn’t like this, because with Michael, everything was safe and easy and Nick didn’t have to think about it.

But this isn’t Michael, this is Louis, and everything is new and unsure and Nick is feeling a mix of both excitement and fear as he looks at the singer in front of him.

“You just…?” Louis arches an eyebrow, and Nick wonders again if this was a dumb idea because maybe Louis doesn’t want to talk about it at all. Maybe Louis just wants to move on with his life and forget it ever happened. Focus on his music and the next live show. Not a stupid kiss.

“I just wonder what it meant,” Nick says before he can stop himself, and wow, he wins the prize of the most stupid thing to say doesn’t he?

Louis blushes. Blushes and looks away, and Nick finds comfort in that because clearly, Louis has been thinking about this after all and maybe it’s not just Nick’s imagination.

“I uhm, I don’t know,” Louis says, looking back at Nick. There is a shade of pink on his cheeks, a pretty shade that Nick just wants to kiss, but he pushes those thoughts away because it is _so_ not the time for that. Anything but that, really. “What does it mean for you? Or I mean… what _did_ it mean? I’m not saying that it’s something that should… happen again,” Louis says quickly, and Nick feels that it’s his turn to blush now.

“I don’t know either,” he finally admits, wondering if this is all they are going to get. Is this the conversation he desperately wanted? Saying that neither of them knows what it means that a couple of days ago they were snogging?

“So…” Louis says, and Nick just needs to say something. This is getting ridiculous.

“I didn’t…” Nick mumbles, shaking his head. “I didn’t mind that happening, not at all. I mean, you know, we talked and I… I just didn’t mind that happening. I kind of… liked it.”

Louis looks up. There is a shine in his eyes as he hears Nick’s words, and Nick can’t help but smile from seeing that look on his face. It’s true, he did like it, but he is also really enjoying the way Lous is reacting to finding out that he liked it. Nick decides that Louis Tomlinson’s smile is something that should be protected and cherished.

“You mean it?”

“I just don’t know how could do this,” Nick continues, and he is starting to speak really fast now because he isn’t sure how to stop. “Because, I mean, the competition, and we are… I mean, you’re you and I’m me, and I just broke up with Michael, and I am not sure either of us could handle this, and I just…”

Louis kisses him. It’s quick, effective. It shuts Nick up, and he closes his eyes, kissing Louis’ back with his hand cupping his neck. Louis is grinning against his lips when he pulls back.

“You’re quite the overthinker, aren’t you, Grimmy?” Louis asks, and Nick has to laugh.

“Well excuse me, some of us have to be,” he teases, and Louis shakes his head, pressing soft lips to Nick’s again, and god, Nick shouldn’t be getting used to this but it’s impossible when everything about Louis is addictive.

They keep kissing, Nick pulls Louis closer until every part of their bodies are lined up, to the point where he isn’t sure where his body ends and Louis’ starts. He finds that he really doesn’t mind.

It’s only when he realises that, even if the others have left, someone could see them that Nick pulls away with a little sad whine. He feels like he could kiss Louis all night.

“You are going to be the death of me,” Nick says, and Louis laughs high and clear, eyes twinkling. His lips are red and swollen from kissing and it’s beautiful, such a good look on him. “I am backing out.”

“We haven’t even been doing this for a minute!” Louis laughs and Nick shakes his head, laughing too.

“Well you see, that’s about how long anyone can put up with you,” he teases. Louis rolls his eyes.

“Idiot.”

“That hurts,” Nick says, but as Louis kisses him again, Nick stops thinking.

\--

The theme for the upcoming week is ‘Songs We Remember from the Movies,’ and Arctic Sulks are doing “It Must Have Been Love.” Louis has never been more impressed by anything in his life.

“You guys are great,” he says, almost a little jealous. He is singing “My Heart Will Go On,” and even if he is pretty sure he will be able to pull it off, seeing the way Harry, Liam and Niall do Roxette makes him pretty sure that they can’t be beat.

“Oh stop it, I’m blushing,” Niall laughs, and Liam gives Louis a teasing nudge.

“Are you spying on us, by the way? Is that why you’re here?”

Louis grins and shakes his head.

“Nah, just needed to get away for a bit. Rehearsals can be distracting when…”

He stops, because he was almost about to say something about Nick, but he can’t do that in front of people, even if it’s just the boys here. Harry arches an eyebrow, as if he has already figured out what Louis was about to say.

“What do you mean by that?” He asks, and Louis blushes hard as he looks away.

“No, just uhm… you know…”

Harry shakes his head and Niall moves closer, looking at Louis with curious eyes.

“Did you get laid?” he asks, and Louis is now blushing harder than he ever thought a person could.

“No, I… pft, no I didn’t fucking get laid!” he says, but he is stumbling over words and blushes even harder when he thinks about that time after rehearsals when he had Nick up against the wall and kissed him until they both came in their jeans. Somehow it’s both one of Louis’ proudest moments and one of his most embarrassing ones.

“You did so get laid!” Niall says loudly, as if he is accusing Louis of something. “How dare you get laid and not tell us about it?”

Louis, who spent his first years of being sexually active being too shy to even  discuss it with Zayn, blushes again and shakes his head.

“God, because we don’t talk about those things, do we?”

“Aha!” Niall says, poking Louis’ cheek. “So you did get laid, didn’t you? I knew it. Tell me, I wanna hear the name. I wanna hear details, man!”

“Not too many details!” Liam grunts and really, Louis is happy that Liam is often a bit of a prude. It helps him out now.

“Uh…” Louis says and looks away, and Harry stares at him now.

“Is it Nick?”

Louis tries desperately to come up with something to say but he can’t. Niall’s eyes widen as he realises what Harry is talking about.

“You’re fucking Nick?” he hisses, and Louis worries for a moment that maybe he is angry about the whole thing, but it doesn’t seem like it. Niall just looks properly shocked by it. This isn’t something that makes Louis feel particularly better about anything, but it’s better than having to deal with Niall being upset about it.

“Uhm…”

“Oh my god, you are,” Liam confirms, and he looks a bit stunned as well. “God, how did that happen?”

“Didn’t we say all along it would happen?” Harry asks. Louis opens his mouth to reply, but it seems to already be Niall’s turn to talk.

“Yeah, but we didn’t actually think it would, did we?” Niall asks, furrowing his eyebrows as he watches Louis. “I feel like we missed something. Maybe it was something…”

“Guys!” Louis interrupts, almost desperate to actually get a word in about this. “Can you please let me talk, since it’s me you are talking about? Or should I just keep quiet and pretend that I’m not here?”

Harry shrugs and Niall lets out a loud laugh.

“Well either way, it is a good thing,” Niall grins. He smirks as he sits down on the floor, crossing his legs to show Louis that it’s time for a story. “Go on, tell us then.”

Louis blushes, looking to Liam and Harry as if he is hoping they will save him from this, but they don’t. They both look just as ready as Niall is to hear how Louis managed to get Nick Grimshaw. And even if Louis is actually very happy about that, he isn’t sure he should be talking about it with everyone. Not that these boys are everyone, but he isn’t sure how many can find out before it leak to the press. If there’s something they don’t need more of, it’s press coverage. After that article about Nick and Michael, there hasn’t been much talking about Nick and Louis, and Louis would really like to keep it that way.

Seeing the boys look this curious though, Louis sighs, knowing he probably won’t be able to escape telling them about it.

“You can’t tell anyone,” Louis says, giving them all a glare he hopes is intimidating enough to scare them out of it. “I am serious guys, this stays here, between us. I mean, Zayn knows, but that’s it. No one else can know because I really don’t want this in the papers and I am not sure Nick wants to… I mean, that he even wants people to find out,” he finishes, and Harry lets out a little giggle.

“So there is a thing going on, I knew it! Come on then, tell us love.”

Louis sighs. He sits down too, and the others join him and Niall on the floor.

“You know we have been flirting,” Louis starts, and the others nod at that. “It was really just a joke, I mean, I thought it was a joke for him and we… I mean, at some point we just kind of started getting closer… you know? Like we kept talking and then I got to judge’s houses and we spent the weekend there and talked about everything,and then we…” Louis pauses, blushing a little. “Then we had this talk about… maybe feeling something, I don’t know, and he broke up with Michael and things just happened. We kissed after that first live show and then we… uhm, yeah.”

Louis stops there, blushing a little again and he is pretty sure going further would mean telling all the details Liam didn’t want to hear, and to be fair, Louis doesn’t really feel like talking about them either.

Niall gives out a low whistle, giving Louis a pat on his thigh.

“Well look at you, getting your man, I’m impressed.”

“Are you like properly dating or something?” Liam asks, and Louis looks away, feeing a bit bothered by the question because he isn’t really _sure_.

“We haven’t really… talked about that,” he admits finally after being quiet for a while. “No labels or anything, just… I mean we hang out as often as we can and we… do things and… yeah you know.”

Harry grins as Louis blushes again, and he really wishes he would stop.

“Your secret is safe with us,” Harry promises with a big smile that Louis knows everyone loves about him. He likes it too. “Don’t worry, we wont tell anyone about your secret love affair.”

“Thank you,” Louis says, feeling a bit relieved by that because even if he didn’t think they would, it’s still nice to know that they really won’t. “Should we uhm, get back to work then?”

Liam smiles, standing up again.

“I guess we should. Come on boys, let’s go.”

\--

Nick feels like the whole world is in shock when it’s Arctic Sulks together with Karlie that is in the bottom 2 the upcoming week. Simon, who has Karlie as one of his true favorites to win in his category, is just as surprised as Cheryl, who like everyone else thought Arctic Sulks would go straight to the big finale.

When Arctic Sulks does a heart breaking, acapella performance of Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely, there isn’t much to discuss anyway. Nick looks over to Louis at the side of the stage, watching as he looks close to tears while standing close to Ella, Jay and the others waiting to see who will be the one to be sent home, and the sight is heartbreaking.

“Well, Karlie I think you have been a great addition to this competition…” Rita starts, as it’s her turn to talk after Simon has said he will save Karlie and Cheryl has said she will save the boys.. “But I have to go with who I think did the best performance tonight, and who I think in the future will be able to sell more records and I’m sorry hun, but I just have to go with Arctic Sulks on this one, I’m sorry.”

Harry’s arms grip around both Liam and Niall, holding them closer as everyone’s attention is turned to Nick. Nick closes his eyes. He can put this in deadlock, or he can seal the deal and send Karlie home.

“Well Nick, you know the deal,” Olly tells him from the stage where he is standing in between the two acts. as if Nick doesn’t already know all this. Karlie is having a stern look on his face, and Nick wonders if she has already given up. He isn’t sure. “If you choose to save the boys, we will have to say goodbye to Karlie, and if you choose to save Karlie, well that means we will go to deadlock and the public will need to decide. Please tell us your decision.”

Nick opens his eyes.

“I…” he looks to the side of the stage again where all the other acts are, and he tries to not let his eyes wander over to Louis but he can’t help it. He quickly looks away though, not wanting people to see too much of his feelings for the singer, and then turn his attention back to Olly.

“I think you are both great acts who can do great in this world… but I do think that, after what I have seen not only tonight but throughout this whole competition there is one act I think will be the one who deserves to go through… and that is Arctic Sulks. Karlie I’m sorry.”

Harry, Liam and Niall starts hugging each other before quickly hugging Karlie, who looks ready to cry but strong enough to not do so.

“Well thank you judges, we have our decision and that means that Arctic Sulks, you are still here another week!” Olly announces and that’s when the other acts, Louis first, runs forward to hug the other boys. Nick smiles.

“Wrong choice, guys,” Simon mutters as they get ready to leave. Nick ignores it.

\--

“I never want to be in the bottom 2 ever again,” Liam says and they all gather around to see what it is they will be working on this time. “Never. It was awful. I just feel like we need to do something, change something, I don’t know.”

“Guys, sometimes people just forget to vote,” Nick says, trying to be encouraging as he listens to what they say. the other judges are not here yet, and Nick is doing his best to be the mentor who can help everyone right now as they are going to reveal the next theme. “It doesn’t mean you were bad, just remember that. You did good, you are still here, it will be fine.”

“We still worked our asses off,” Harry sighs and then nods. “Guess it wasn’t enough.”

“I guess we just gotta work harder, don’t we?” Louis says, giving Harry an encouraging nod. “You know, because we don’t want anyone of us in the bottom 2 and I mean, maybe we just need to work on what song choices you pick so that Cheryl can get better, and we won’t have to worry about that right? I mean we all have worked hard and I just know if we keep going we can…”

“Well,” Jay says with an evil glare at Louis. Louis freeze before it even continues. “We can’t all be fags can we? Easier to get through this if we were that, huh?”

It’s dead quiet as Jay finished speaking.

“Jay!” Ella hisses, looking almost as upset as Nick feels. Louis doesn’t say anything, he is staring at Jay.

He clears his throat before he asks.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Louis isn’t the tallest or most muscly man the Earth has seen, but Nick still wouldn’t want to be Jay right now. Louis looks ready to kill. His eyes are dark, glaring and he looks almost dangerous. He looks so pissed Nick wouldn’t ever want to be on the receiving end of that.

Jay doesn’t back down though, instead he keeps glaring at Louis and he looks very pleased with his comment. He runs his fingers through his fringe, giving Louis an evil smirk before he continues.

“Well, don’t you think we all know why you are here Tomlinson? Why you get through every week and now all your friends get through too? Not because of your voice, looks or talent anyway. Well maybe talent, but that talent is that you’re just great at getting down on your knees for Grims…”

“Enough!”

The voice roaring through the room would be enough to get a whole country to be quiet. Everyone looks up, even Louis who seemed ready to punch Jay in the face, looking to the door opening.

Simon is there. Simon looks furious. Again, Nick feels like that is something he doesn’t ever want to experience. Being on the receving end of first the evil glares of Louis Tomlinson, and now the evil glares of Simon Cowell, doesn’t seem like the best way to spend the day.

“You, my office, right now!” Simon points at Jay, and Jay looks furious as he follows him.

Nick tries to look at Louis but Louis is looking away, instead going over to Harry, Liam and Niall. Nick watches as the boys lean in together, seemingly having some kind of discussion that god, Nick really wishes he could hear. He can’t though, because the boys are all too far away and Nick isn’t going to go over there to pry.

Suddenly he also realises how so many people right now are staring at him, probably waiting for some kind of reaction from him because of what Jay said.

“Uh,” he says stupidly, before backing out of the room even more stupidly. “I’m uh…” he doesn’t even finish the sentence, just runs off to hide and worry that people thinks he is sleeping with his contestants to get them ahead in the competition.

Life is unfair.

\--

Louis kicks a trashcan hard, in that way he used to kick things when he was younger and didn’t know how else to deal with things, and he lets out a frustrated grunt as he feels a couple of arms around him.

“I’m sorry,” Nick whispers, holding him tight in his arms. “Do you want to come to mine tonight instead?”

This is new, Louis thinks, because Nick hasn’t really done this before but he really isn’t complaining about it, not at all. It’s better than just sneaky kisses and blowjobs when they have time, better than just going quick for being naked, and then falling back into being just them. He likes this. nick holding him like he wants to keep him safe. Louis likes to feel safe.

“Can I?” he hears himself say before he can even think about it.”God, that jerk I…”

“You know it’s not true,” Nick says, pressing a soft kiss to Louis’ temple that manages to calm him down a lot. “You know that none of that he said is true. That is not why I let you through. It’s not. You are talented.”

“I know,” Louis mutters, and he turns around. His hand finds its way in Nick’s lacing their fingers together. Another nice thing Louis could get used to.

“Come back to mine,” Nick says, and he pulls Louis with him before even asking if Louis’ got everything with him but Louis doesn’t mind. If he needs a change of clothes he bet he can borrow something from Nick’s place and it’s not that big of a deal. “We can play scrabble.”

“Scrabble,” Louis grunts. “I fucking hate scrabble.”

“Hush, you love it.” Nick grins. Louis shakes his head.

“I do not fucking like scrabble, it’s a game for old, boring people.”

“Well, sorry hun, but that’s me,” Nick teases, and Louis can’t do anything but laugh as they sneak out, getting into Nick’s car before anyone can notice. Louis does send a quick text though to the other boys, because he doesn’t want them worrying about where he is. Even if he guesses they will probably figure it out, he doesn’t want them to bring attention to both him and Nick being gone.

Nick cooks them a quick dinner when they get home, and Louis thinks again that maybe he can get used to this, just hanging out with Nick’s arms around him, being fed as if he is in a romantic movie.

“Wow you know how to treat a lad,” he teases, and Nick grins.

“Well that’s what you gotta do to keep a fit man,” Nick says and Louis reaches up to kiss him hard. It deepens quickly, Louis realising that this is the first time ever they are kissing in a place where no one will walk in on them, no one but Nick’s dog and well Pig got bored with him after 30 minutes.

Nicks arms wrap around Louis, pulling him closer as Louis lets out a little whimper, moving so that he is in Nick’s lap, straddling his thighs as his arms wrap around his neck. They kiss like that until Louis can feel his lips swollen, and he can feel Nick harden under him and he grinds against him just to tease him more, just to feel jst how much he can do to him.

“Lou…” Nick mutters, his hands slipping under Louis’ shirt. “Should we…”

“Please,” Louis whispers, needing nothing else but for Nick to keep touching him right now. “Please, Nick, can we please…”

Nick kisses him again, this time it’s a messy kiss, filled with need, filled with everything he has been wanting to give Louis, and Louis has been craving for him to do just that to him, well this and more but this, this is something he has been wanting so bad.

“Bedroom?” Nick whispers and Louis can’t think if he has ever nodded this quickly about anything ever before.

“God,” he replies, because it seems to be as much of a word as he can manage to say right now.

Nick lifts him up, Louis is actually a bit impressive with how easily he just sweeps him up in his arms and carries him to the bedroom. Louis lets out a soft moan again as he falls onto the bed, Nick’s soft pillows and duvet makes it feel like he is on feathers, and it gets even better when Nick carefully drapes his body over Louis’, kissing him passionately as he is pinned against the mattress.

“Naked, naked, come on get your kit off,” Louis whimpers because as much as he loves being kissed like this, and as much as he loves Nick taking his time, he is really ready to just get naked already and feel Nick inside properly, and he just doesn’t want to wait for him any longer.

“So eager,” Nick smirks against his lips, grinding down against Louis’ hard cock that is suffering through all of the layers and Louis almost cries out.

“Fuck yes, Nick…” he whines, grabbing at Nick’s hair. “I need you, if you don’t get inside I’m going somewhere else.”

“You wouldn’t,” Nick whispers and no, maybe Louis wouldn’t, because he is actually quite okay with being here with Nick, but considering that Nick is quickly reaching for the drawer next to the bed, it seems like he doesn’t want to risk him actually getting up and leave now anyway.

When Nick has found lube and condoms he comes back to Louis, starting to kiss down his collarbones that he can easily reach since Louis seems to pick the best day to wear a shirt that reveals it.

“Nick..” Louis whispers, his back arching into the touch that Nick gives him. it’s so featherly light the way Nick’s tongues and fingers work him, and Louis can’t help but just desperately want more, not sure how to even handle the way he is treating him right now.

“You are so beautiful,” Nick mumbles, his hands finally going to actually work on Louis’ jeans, unzipping and unbuttoning them. It’s not without a struggle though, and Louis curses his own clothing choice now because well, he might have picked a good shirt but not a good pair of jeans. They are too fitted, and Nick struggles for what feels like minutes to actually get them off. It’s great when he does though, Louis whimpering as his cock finally is only hidden by his boxers, and even if even that’s a strain now, it’s so much better than those tight jeans.

“Are you sure you want this?” Nick whispers, and Louis rolls his eyes as he reaches for Nick’s shirt, grabbing the hem of it to pull it over his head.

“Does it look like I don’t want it?” he asks and then he kisses Nick roughly again. “I want it, now fuck me, please. I have waited long enough for this.”

Nick grins, but it’s as if this is all the confirmation he needs to know that they should probably go through with this after all because he kisses Louis again, and now it’s obvious that he doesn’t want to wait.

Louis whimpers as Nick kisses down his chest, tongue tracing his tattoos and going for his nipples, before he kisses down his stomach until he is finally pressing open mouthed kisses at Louis’ length through his boxers. Louis lets out another whimper, hating how pathetic he sounds, how needy he gets but he also can’t help it.

“Please Nick, don’t fucking tease me,” Louis grunts and he hadn’t thought it would help, but Nick actually stops, and he slowly pulls Louis’ boxers off, freeing Louis’ cock finally. Louis groans, throwing his head back, moaning as Nick wraps a hand around it.

“How many fingers do you want?” Nick whispers, mouth ghosting over Louis’ lips and Louis whimpers, searching his lips to kiss him desperately.

“2,” he whimpers, spreading his legs withut even thinking to invite Nick in. “Please, want it.”

Nick grins, and he lubes up his fingers so slowly, slow enough to drive Louis crazy as he realises that soon there will be long fingers inside him, those long fingers that Louis has been looking at or months, and only dreaming about being touched by.

“I am going to take such good care of you,” Nick whispers, and Louis closes his eyes because he really doesn’t doubt that, he is already feeling as if he is in heaven, and he isn’t about to stop feeling like that.

Nick’s first fingers slide inside him so easily, Louis wonders if it has ever been this easy ever to get fingers inside him. they slide in as Nick slowly pulls in and out, fucking Louis with first two, then three and scissoring and opening him until Louis is a sobbing mess underneath him. louis whimpers, grabbing at Nick’s shoulder as he clenches around his fingers, going into that state of mind where he can’t decide if he wants to feel more of this or if he just wants Nick to move on, to get his cock in him already.

“Another time when we do this…” Nick whispers filthy in his ear, and that really isn’t fair because as if Louis wasn’t already being crazy with need for the other man, this is just too much. “I am going to eat you out… I am going to open you up with my tongue and my fingers, and you will come so many times before I even get my cock in you. And you will love every minute of it.”

Louis almost sobs, this is too much and he is not going to be able to last, he is going to come just from Nick talking if he doesn’t shut up already and he doesn’t want to do that. He wants Nick to come inside him, and he wants to come as Nick comes, not before that.

“Nick please fuck me,” Louis whispers, and that plead was enough because Nick seems to give up then with teasing, removing his fingers and reaching for a condom. Louis sighs so very pleased as he watches Nick roll the condom on, and then moves so that he pushes Nick down on the bed, straddling him quickly.

“This okay?” he asks, licking his lips as he looks down at Nick who meets his eyes, nodding. Nick looks so gone, his pupils are blown and his lips parted and this is the best thing Louis has ever seen in his life.

He positions himself quickly, a hand grabbing Nick’s cock to have it in place and then he slowly moves, feeding himself as much of Nick’s cock as he needs.

He closes his eyes, letting out a loud moan and he hears Nick as well, and when he opens his eyes Nick’s eyes are closed, looking very pleased with how Louis feels.

Louis starts moving slowly, bouncing carefully on Nick’s cock as Nick’s hands moves to his hips, holding him in place where he is.

“Fuck this feels good,” Nick mutters, and Louis moves to grab the headboard, giving him a better angle to fuck himself on Nick’s cock.

“God, wanted this,” Louis whispers, panting and moaning between each word. “Fuck I have wanted this so long.”

“Me too,” Nick whispers, and his hands grip on Louis so hard Louis is pretty sure that in the morning he will have bruises and he doesn’t care, he really doesn’t care about that at all because all he wants is for Nick to keep touching him just like this. he wants Nick to leave his marks all over him, and Louis isn’t usually like this but Nick just changes him.

“I’m gonna cum,” he gasps as he feels pressure building, him and Nick working together just good enough to have him fucking up against his prostate. Nick grunts, nodding and moaning.

“Me too, fuck, let’s come together.”

Louis cries out. He comes harder than he ever has before in his life, and as Nick holds him through his orgasm, Louis feels as if his whole body melts into the mattress.

He isn’t sure just how long it takes for him to breathe again, or when Nick manages to get out of the bed to get rid of the condom, just that he feels hot, and fucked out and perfect, and he loves every part of it.

When Louis falls asleep the last thing he remembers is Nick’s arms around him. this is safe, very safe, and he doesn’t want to change it for anything.

\--

Nick is in a great mood, he whistles on his way in to work. There is a good radio show today, and he is looking forward to hanging out with Fiona and just focus on something else but judging for a bit, even if he knows that Fiona will most likely be able to tell that he has been having sex. Hopefully, she won’t be figuring out who it is with, because that would be awkward. He is pretty sure that maybe if she started asking, he wouldn’t be able to keep it quiet anymore.

Nick is still whistling as he enters work, cheerfully saying hi to the receptionist with a big smile that just doesn’t seem to go away. It’s been two days since he had sex with Louis, and he is still feeling as if he is on cloud 9.

It’s actually a bit pathetic, he doesn’t want anyone to find out that’s how it feels.

Nick opens the door to their studio, getting ready to say hi to Fiona, but as the door opens and his mouths open, its not Fiona sitting in there.

It’s Simon Cowell, and he is holding a magazine.

“Good morning,” Simon says coldly, before he shoves the magazine in Nick’s face “You should read this.”

Nick wants to ask what this is about, but he realises as he looks at the front page that he doesn’t have to ask.

**“TOMLINSON LEAVING GRIMSHAW’S HOUSE”**

_Well would you look at that? Just as we thought the rumors had died off and that maybe we had nothing to talk about, we have brand new photos for you guys of just what you wanted to see – none other than Louis Tomlinson leaving Nick Grimshaw’s house early in the morning and well, let us tell you, it doesn’t look like that is anything but the walk of shame. Only that Tomlinson doesn’t look ashamed, more glowing, as he leaves the house in something looking strangely like Grimshaw’s hoodies. Well what is that, you can ask yourself? Mentoring during the night? Late night sessions rehearsing music? Well we don’t know what you think, but we think that what is going on here is nothing but a blossoming romance between Tomlinson and Grimshaw, something we wonder what the X Factor bosses will think about. What do you think about it? Tomlinson and Grimshaw together? Let us know, and don’t miss out on all the pictures inside the magazine!_

Nick closes his eyes, feeling all colour drain from his face. When he looks up again, Simon, who has now taken a few steps back, is still staring at him.

“We are going back to my office,” Simon says, and his eyes are just as dark as they were when he saw Jay saying that about Louis. “Now. And we are going to have quite the long talk, Mr. Grimshaw.”

Nick is going to hell.


	5. truths

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey MERRY CHRISTMAS GUYS and as my Christmas gift to you this is chapter 5!! Now there is only one chapter to go and I really want to say how much I love all of you for giving me feedback and love, it means a lot to know you like this story xoxo

“Did you see?” Zayn asks and well _, of course_ Louis saw, it would be impossible for him to _not_ see because it’s everywhere, the pictures of him leaving Nick’s house are plastered all over every crappy news outlet there is and Louis has never in his life experienced something like this. He feels as if wherever he goes people are talking about him, and that if he walks into a room people stop to stare and point at him. Even if he knows he is most likely imagining most of it, it’s difficult not to feel like they are doing just that. All of them.

“Yeah,” he says in response to Zayn’s question, closing his eyes. “I saw. Are you coming here?” he asks then, because Zayn is not here and this is something Louis needs to talk to his friend about face to face, not over a phone, because he really wants to see Zayn. Now. Zayn lets out a little sigh though.

“I can’t. You know I can’t, I have to work and… you know, I am probably not allowed near you right now anyway now, huh?”

Louis wants to cry but he knows Zayn is right. Before all this even started people were talking to him about how him and Zayn couldn’t be seen too much together since it could start rumours about the two of them. For some reason, the idea of Louis flirting a bit with Nick was fun, but for him to actually have a boyfriend was not planned. They had said that wanted him ‘ _free and avaliable’_ , but well, seems like Zayn and what people think about him and Louis is not the problem now. Now all everyone has to worry about is the fact that Louis clearly was spending the night at Nick’s and he isn’t sure how to explain this.

“I have been called to a meeting with Simon,” Louis whispers, and his heart is beating faster just as he thinks about it. “What if they kick me out?”

Zayn lets out a little grunt.

“They would be idiots to do that, honestly idiots and anyway, this doesn’t prove you have been sleeping with Nick right? It really proves nothing other than that you spent the night at his house and well, that could happen without sex. Right? We spend the night at each other’s place all the time and we never have sex.”

Louis can’t help but smile a little. Zayn is sweet, he tries to cheer him up and it’s just so _sweet_. Louis loves that about Zayn. People sometimes think that Zayn is dark, broody and complicated but honestly, he is just a sweet little cupcake.

“I mean, we do live together though,” he points out, and he can almost hear Zayn rolling his eyes.

“Don’t give me that Tommo and anyway, don’t worry. I promise you it will be fine, okay? It will all be fine and soon they will have something else to talk about. They can’t break you.”

“But what if they kick me out?” Louis whispers, hating how weak his voice is now. “They could do that couldn’t they? They could kick me out… and I would have ruined everything just because I was seen and I…”

“Don’t think like that,” Zayn says quickly and Louis tries so hard not to. “Louis, I’m serious. Don’t think like that.”

Louis sighs. He wishes he could listen to Zayn but it’s so difficult to do that when he knows that it could happen. Or he doesn’t know. Point being, he is not sure about anything and it is freaking him out.

“I gotta go talk to the others,” Louis whispers, because really he wants to see the other boys before he might get kicked off, and he wants to see if Nick is around. Might not be the best idea right now, to be seen with Nick, but Louis also doesn’t really care about which idea is the best one. He needs to see the people he care about here, to know that not everyone thinks that he is a big fuck-up.

“Okay,” Zayn says, and he sounds encouraging on the other end, as if he is giving Louis a pat on the back. “Remember that it will be alright, okay? Everything will work out, I promise.”

“Yeah,” Louis says. He wishes he could sound convincing.

 

\--

 

“Clearly you were not thinking at all,” Simon says angrily as he stands before both Louis and Nick. Nick has never felt this tiny before. He doesn’t even dare to look over at Louis, because if he does he is pretty sure he will reach out to put his arm around the other, just for comfort, which he is pretty sure is _not_ what Simon wants to see right now. “Nick, you know we joked about you and Louis but to seriously go this far is beyond me. This goes against all rules. You are both breaking all the rules, I have never seen anything like this before.”

Nick looks down and swallows. Part of him wants to cry because it’s so frustrating that this happened. Part of him just wants to laugh, because the way Simon is talking to them right now makes him feel like he is being lectured by his dad for sneaking out past curfew, and the idea is just a bit hilarious.

He clears his throat though, knowing this is a serious thing. Laughing at Simon Cowell will not help him.

“We didn’t think,” he says instead, because he knows _that’s_ what Simon wants to hear. “We shouldn’t have… and we know it was wrong and… yeah, we didn’t think.”

Clearly finding his words today wasn’t the easiest thing, but he did as good as he could anyway. He dares to sneak a glance at Louis, but Louis is looking straight out through the window and he doesn’t seem to react to anything. Nick wonders if he is even listening. He looks scared.

“Well, yeah,” Simon says, tapping a bunch of papers on the table in front of him with a pencil. “Well this ends now, because we will not allowed romance between contestants and mentors, which I was pretty sure you both knew. This is not okay, and you should be happy I am not kicking you both out right this instant.”

Louis looks up at that, Nick watches him.

“You’re not kicking us out?” he asks weakly as if he can’t really believe his ears. “You’re not?”

Simon shakes his head.

“No. I don’t need any more drama, which I would clearly get if you both leave at the same time. But this ends now, do you hear me? This thing between you, whatever it is, it’s over. You will be seen only with others from now on, you are not to be alone and you will only talk if necessary. Nothing else. Nick, we should probably get Michael in to see you, to get the talking about you two back, so people stop thinking that you might be dating Louis.”

Nick’s mood drops in the matter of seconds. He feels his heart tighten in his chest before feeling as if it will blow up and wreck him.

“I can’t do that,” he says quietly because he knows that is impossible. “Michael and I are not talking. Not at all. We stopped…” he pauses, again glancing over to Louis without thinking about it, but it’s just too difficult not to. “We uhm… we’re just not talking. Any more. He wouldn’t want to see me.”

“Well,” Simon glares and Nick feels tiny again. “You better start thinking of a way to get him to talk to you, because this ends now. I will expect there to be pictures of you and Michael tomorrow, and that’s that. I will not discuss this anymore.”

Nick doesn’t dare to look at Louis. He nods, swallowing as he looks down at his feet.

“Okay,” he whispers and he hears Louis mumbling something as he gets up.

As they leave the room Simon close the door behind them, and Nick turns to Louis to see if he can say something, but Louis has slipped out of his sight before he even notices, and the only thing left is Nick, standing there, wondering what the hell he is going to do.

 

\--

 

Michael really doesn’t want to do this. Nick can tell from the way he walks up on the pier that if there is anything that he wants to do today, everything would be better than seeing Nick. Nick feels the same, and he wonders why in hell he agreed to do this, and why he couldn’t have come up with a better thing than to go to the pier because it’s freezing, but here they are.

“Hey,” Michael says, hands shoved down his pockets and Nick feels his heart skip a beat. He has missed him, their friendship was always so important to Nick and these weeks has been horrible knowing he ruined that. He swallows.

“Uhm, hey.”

“Let’s get this over with, shall we?” Michael asks and well, that was about what Nick’s plans were because clearly nothing will come out of this other than awkwardness.

“Yeah,” Nick says quickly, looking around to see what they could do. “You uhm… wanna get some coffee or something?” he asks and Michael nods.

“Yeah, might as well. Let’s go.”

 

They order coffee and takes it with them, walking out the pier which is a bit too cold but the heated coffee cups help. Nick sips his coffee nervously, wondering why life is like this, why the human brain works this way, why he gets awkward with people he was never awkward with before, just because they broke up. It shouldn’t change like this, it really shouldn’t. Nick hates it.

“So, we are supposed to talk about… what?” Michael asks, and Nick sighs.

“I don’t know. I’m sorry, Michael. I’m sorry for putting you through this, I’m sorry…” his voice gets stuck in his throat. He just doesn’t know what to say. Michael sighs, looking over at him and then, to Nick’s surprise, he pulls him in for a hug.

“Nick, don’t be like this,” Michael whispers, holding him close. For a moment Nick is worried they will drop their cups of coffee but that worry disappears as he realises how much he has missed Michael just keeping him sane. “Don’t.”

“I’m just sorry,” Nick whispers, and he tries so hard not to cry. “I’m sorry because… I never planned this and I…”

“Hey,” Michael says softly, pulling away so that they can look at each other. There is a smile on his face. A genuine one. “We were always friends, right? That was the important thing for both of us. That we were friends. Not anything else, and well, I am still your friend Nick. I just needed a moment to… I don’t know, _breathe_ , and I am over it now. I mean I would lie if I say it doesn’t hurt a little, but I want you to be happy.”

A tear trickle down Nick’s cheek. He wipes it off quickly, and Michael is still smiling softly.

“I can see you with him, and I know you are happy, and that’s all that ma…”

“It’s not,” Nick says, shaking his head. “Because we probably ruined everything. Being seen and…”

“Well they are asses,” Michael says and wow, Nick really hopes that the only thing people will get from this is pictures, not audio of what they are saying. “They are just asses and they shouldn’t do this to you.”

“Too late for that,” Nick whispers, trying to force a smile as Michael pulls away from the embrace completely now, sipping his coffee.

“You will be okay,” Michael says with a smile as they start walking again. “I know you will be. Remember that your happiness comes first right? That’s all.”

Nick nods. He tries to remember that.

“I’m sorry that I…”

“Hey,” Michael tells him, shaking his head. “I don’t need a sorry. But I need you to be okay. Can you do that for me?”

Nick keeps quiet, but then he nods, taking a deep breath.

He can try.

 

\--

 

**“GRIMSHAW BACK WITH MAYREN?**

_Oh well here is a turn of events we didn’t expect, but well we are happy to see that the gorgeous couple we all seemed to like so much seems to find their way back together. You know we wrote about Tomlinson leaving Grimshaw’s house and well, that seems like it was innocent after all considering that Grimshaw is now seen with photographer Michael Mayren once more, even though rumours has been flooding about their friendship/relationship being dead over. We can see the pair together on the pier enjoying coffee and tender embraces and well, that’s cute isn’t it? So cute! Seems that if Tomlinson really wants Grimshaw, he is in a bit of a competition here as well, not just X Factor. Grimshaw looks really happy while being embraced by Mayren, and we will all join him in the smiles because yikes, these are a cute pair of lads aren’t they? Click on for more pictures, and don’t worry – we will keep a watchful eye on this. Sorry Louis, seems like this is one competition you will lose!”_

 

Nick doesn’t even dare to look at Louis as the article is being read through. Louis has sneaked off to his house even though they shouldn’t, and this time Nick was really careful making sure they weren’t seen at all. Louis is reading, and he looks pale as he puts the magazine down.

“Well that’s interesting,” Louis says, and Nick can hear how his voice is breaking just a tiny bit. Nick moves closer.

“Louis it’s…”

“No no, I know, you are… yeah I know,” Louis mutters and it’s not making sense, not a thing coming out of his mouth. “We uh… yeah. Nice pictures.”

Nick wants to let out a frustrating growl because this is starting too many problems already, and he never wanted that to happen, he never planned for any of this.

“Louis it wasn’t… don’t be jealous I…”

“Jealous?” Louis lets out a laugh louder than it should be. “I’m not jealous, but you know I… should probably get back because I… yeah I need to call Zayn and see the other boys and… yeah, that’s it.”

Nick swallows. He knows this look and it’s not a good one.

“Louis…”

Louis leans in, kissing his cheek. It’s cold. Quick.

“I am… yeah I’ll talk to you later,” he says quietly, and if Nick had anything to say before he gets up and leaves, he doesn’t have time to.

“Louis!” he finally says, but the door is already closing.

 

\--

 

“Please don’t cry,” Zayn mumbles, pulling Louis closer. “God, Louis, please don’t cry, you know I can’t handle you crying.”

“I’m sorry,” Louis sobs, but he can’t stop the tears from falling down his cheeks. “Fuck it’s just…everything sucks, Zee. It really sucks and I wish I could just…”

Louis didn’t go back to the X Factor house but instead back to Zayn. Being home, really home, made him feel better at the same time it was breaking down all his walls.

“You need to talk to him,” Zayn mumbles, kissing Louis’ temple. “You have to let him know how you feel and… that… you don’t want this.”

“But I don’t know what I want either,” Louis sobs, still trying so hard not to cry, but failing as he does. “I don’t know what I want from this, all I know is that I don’t want to see him with other men. I want him to be with me.”

“Well there you have it,” Zayn says softly, arms wrapping even tighter around him. “You need to let him know that, that you want more ser…”

“Serious?” Louis huffs, shaking his head. “We can’t even get serious, you know. We are stuck being… hidden and a secret that probably shouldn’t have happened in the first place. They will kick us out if we are seen again and well, why would he wait around for someone he can’t be seen with? He’s going to find someone else Zayn. I know it. He will…”

“Don’t say that,” Zayn shakes his head. “You need to talk to him, because I don’t want to see you like this and honestly, he wouldn’t have taken all these risks if he didn’t care about you, would he? No, go and tell him, talk to him, and I am sure that it will be okay.”

“It won’t,” Louis says, knowing fully well how extremely negative and annoying he is being but he can’t help it.

It just doesn’t feel like it will be okay.

 

\--

 

“We need to talk,” Louis says, and it’s such a remembrance from when Nick said this to him. Just that Nick isn’t sure that what Louis will say is good, and he is not sure if what he will say is good either. He nods though, knowing fully well that the two of them needs to have a conversation. “We really do, right now.”

“I know,” Nick says, and he is about to let Louis inside when Louis just pushes past him, getting in and closing the door without really needing an invitation. Pig comes to greet him, and Nick smiles as Louis kneels down to let her lick all over his face, but then forces himself to get serious. They need to have a talk, right now, and it’s probably not going to be easy.

“I’m not sure what we are doing here,” Louis says finally and gets to his feet. Pig whines a little, but it’s as if she realises as well just how important this conversation is because she doesn’t keep them. She wanders off, back to her toys in her dog bed, and Nick is grateful. “I’m really not sure Nick.”

“Me either,” Nick says because it’s true, it’s more true than anything he has ever said. He isn’t sure what they are doing here. Not at all.

“We should figure it out,” Louis sighs, sitting down on the edge of the sofa which clearly states that he is not getting ready to stay there for a bit, he is more ready to leave soon again. “Because this is clearly not working, Nick.”

“Well what do you want me to do?” Nick asks, and his heart is beating faster and he is not sure why he is suddenly feeling so much panic. “I can’t tell anyone, can I? If people find out about us, what is really going on, my reputation as a judge will be ruined, I will be kicked off by Simon, I will…”

Louis’ eyes darken.

“Excuse me?” he asks as if he didn’t hear him correctly. “What did you say?”

“No one will take me seriously anymore,” Nick keeps going, even if he knows he should shut up. But it doesn’t work, his mind is spewing out words on its own now and he has lost control. “I will be…”

“You think this is only bad for you?” Louis yells, and Nick hates to hear that he is so angry with him, and he hates that he has no intention of helping him not be right now because Nick is feeling a panic rising in his body that he can’t really control.

“Louis, just let me…”

“No, no,” Louis shakes his head. “No fucking way, Nick. You think this is only bad for you? That it will get out that you maybe bedded a contestant? What the fuck do you think it would mean for me?”

There are tears in Louis’ eyes, and it’s what makes Nick soften, his panic disappearing. That is not the case for Louis though. Louis just seems to get angrier and angrier with every single word that comes out of his mouth and Nick wants to ask him to stop, he really wants that, but he also is pretty sure that if he would Louis would just explode right there and then.

“I have worked my whole life for this, my whole fucking life,” Louis yells, and now tears are streaming down his face. Nick isn’t even sure if he is aware of it himself because he takes no notice of them, not even when they trickle into the corner of his mouth and must be tasting salty on his tongue. “I have been singing since I could talk, even before that, fuck I was singing before I even said my first sentence, and I’ve worked my ass off with my friends to try to get better, I have spent so many hours getting where I am now, I’m in the final 5 of fucking X Factor and now, now everyone can talk about is how I got here just because you wanted to sleep with me. That my talent didn’t matter because all I am is someone you want to fuck.”

Nick feels like his heart is breaking when he hears Louis talk about himself like that and he wants to say that it’s not what he ever wanted to happen to him, but for some reason words get lost. Even more lost when Louis keeps going.

“I just might have my whole career starting off with people thinking the only reason I got where I am is because I’m good in bed,” he sobs, and now it’s full on sobbing in a way that Nick can’t resist anymore. Without even thinking he takes a step forward, wrapping his arms around Louis and pulls him close. Louis doesn’t fight it, instead he easily falls into the arms of the other, his face hiding and nuzzling into Nick’s chest as Nick hugs him through the sobs. Nick can almost feel his chest getting wet through his shirt, Louis’ tears not seeming to stop any time soon, but he doesn’t mind, he doesn’t mind that at all.

“Louis that would never happen,” Nick says quietly, pressing a kiss to Louis’ head. “You know that, my darling. Everyone loved you. Right away everyone thought you were special. No one will actually think you were only put through because I fell in love with you. That’s not it at all, that’s just dumb people wanting to get a reaction. That’s all there is. Haters will be everywhere but please, don’t let them get the best of you. I know it’s hard but just please Louis, try for me to not let that happen.”

It takes a while for Nick to notice that Louis’ sobs has stopped. The singer in his arms has also suddenly gotten very still, and Nick isn’t sure why because his brain can’t really focus on what it was that he said that could have Louis react like this.

Louis pulls away, looking up at Nick as he wipes his tears with the sleeve of his shirt. His eyes are big and blue as they watch Nick, surprised in a way, and Nick swallows.

“Louis…”

“What did you say?” Louis asks quietly, looking like someone who isn’t quite sure if he can believe his ears or eyes at this very moment. “What did you say?”

Nick frowns, his brows furrowing as he looks at Louis.

“That you shouldn’t let haters…”

“No,” Louis shakes his head. “No, that’s not what I meant. I meant the other part. The part where you said that you’re in love with me.”

“I did not say that!” Nick says in disbelief, not sure why he is suddenly arguing this with a voice about a thousand times more high pitched than he thought it could go.

There’s a slow smirk spreading on Louis’ face, something that Nick likes, something that is what made him fall for him in the first place, the thing that Louis is a big tease, a playful soul.

“Yes you did,” Louis grins and he moves closer to Nick again. “You said you’re in love with me. That you fell in love with me. You love me. Really Nicholas? You’re in love with me?”

“Shut up,” Nick grunts, squishing his hand against Louis’ face and it makes Louis laugh. “You can’t do this, you were upset moments ago. I refuse to believe that you can go from upset to being an annoying little shit in a matter seconds.”

“Isn’t that what made you fall in love with me?” Louis teases, his voice in such a way that it would drive Nick insane if it was anyone but Louis speaking to him this way. Well it still drives him insane, that’s true, but it’s a _good_ kind of insane. A kind of insane he doesn’t want to trade for anything.

“I have no fucking idea what you are talking about,” Nick says, but Louis’ arms wrap around his neck now, pulling him down for a loving kiss as if all other things are currently forgotten. It’s weird how it works, Nick thinks, as his tongue finds its way inside Louis’ mouth to softly kiss him with passion, just like the passion radiating back to him from Louis’ body.

“You do,” Louis teases, holding him tighter as he pulls him in for more kisses. “And I know just what I’m talking about because I feel the same way.”

It’s Nick’s turn to frown, freeze and wonder if Louis is really meaning it. He looks at Louis, and he has never seen anything that truthful as the look on Louis’ face.

“Hey... you…”

Louis nods. Pulling Nick in closer, once more, he kisses him again and this time wastes no time in pulling him over to the middle of the sofa. It makes Nick smile how this means he plans to stay.

“I’m in love with you too, you big dumb fucker,” Louis says fondly, pushing Nick down on the sofa as he straddles his lap, giving him a better angle to kiss him. They kiss like that until both of them have trouble breathing, and Nick feels like the whole room is spinning and he isn’t sure why. Is it because Louis is kissing him? Is it because Louis said he loves him? Is it just because he is close to Louis? He isn’t really sure, he just knows that it’s making his whole world spin and it feels better than any kind of buzz he has ever experienced before in his life.

“What does this mean?” Nick asks with a hoarse voice as their lips finally part, letting out a soft gasp to follow it. “For us, what does it mean, what do we do, we…”

“I want to tell,” Louis whispers, running his hand over Nick’s chest. “People can know, I don’t care. They will find out anyway and I want people to find out on my terms, not because of some shitty trashy magazine or people leaking to it, or seeing it. I want us to do this properly, Nick. I want to be yours, and I want you to be mine, and…”

Louis stops, blushing suddenly as he looks away, as if he feels like he is going too fast with what he is saying.

“I mean if…”

Nick kisses him softly, hand cupping his jaw.

“I feel the same way,” he whispers softly, holding Louis tight in his grip with his other arm wrapped around his waist. “You know I love you, you know I… I don’t want this to be a secret anymore. I don’t want this to be just a hooking up kind of deal… I’m tired of this, so tired, I want to be more than that with you. Do you want that?”

Louis nods, he looks like he might cry again, his eyes look a bit wet, but he seems happy so Nick figures if there will be tears coming from him again, it will be the good kind, the kind that Nick is very okay with.

“I do want that,” Louis whispers. “Nick I… I really want that.”

“I need to talk to… people,” Nick says, his head spinning again suddenly at the idea of everything that could go wrong with this, but also how he really doesn’t care about it. “I need to… you know… we have a lot of things to... I will probably not be able to keep judging and…”

“I won’t be allowed in the competition,” Louis adds, as if he has already come to terms with this. “Right? But hey, scandals are good for promo, right? Isn’t it?”

He laughs, but Nick can tell that the laughter is of the nervous kind. He doesn’t blame him, because risking everything is not usually nice.

“Louis, we have to both be sure…” Nick starts, but Louis shuts him up with a kiss.

“Nick, I said I want to come out on my own terms right? That’s still true, not gonna change. People will find out about us because honestly, I don’t feel like letting this go. I am not going to walk out on what we have. And as much as I love this competition I…” he pauses, biting his lip and then sighs. “If they want me for someone I’m not, then I don’t really want them around to begin with. I don’t want to start out my career by doing all the wrong things and well I feel like that would be a wrong thing. We have done this now, Nick. For months, we know stuff about each other and I… I don’t want to lose you because we worry about what others might think about us. I want to take a chance.”

Nick kisses him hard. He isn’t sure what else to do, not when Louis is talking like this and his heart swells, not when everything is Louis and love and everything feels fine.

“We’re taking the chance together, okay?” Nick asks, and Louis nods against his lips, kissing him over and over again. “It’s you and me and we’re taking a chance.”

Louis nods.

“Taking a chance. Now will you take a chance on me in bed?”

Nick smirks as he lifts him up. He can work with that.

 

\--

 

“You want to do what?!” his publicist screams in his ear and Nick is tempted to put the phone down at the table until she is done yelling, but that will make it difficult to actually carry on the conversation. He keeps listening, he knows he has to do this and he will survive the yelling.

“I want to come out. I mean I know I’m already out but… you know. With Louis. I don’t want to hide anymore. I’m dating Louis and that’s…”

“They will fire you from the show,” she screams at him, as if he didn’t know that already. “You will never be able to get back into that show, judging life is over, you would be a laughing stock, people would…”

“I don’t care!” Nick raises his voice now too. “Don’t you get it? I know what will happen, believe me I know and I don’t care. I want to do this. I don’t care if they fire me because it’s not worth it, it’s not worth it being miserable and hiding. I can get other jobs, but I can’t get another Louis. I don’t want to lose him.”

“You are being ridiculous,” his publicists say, sounding as if she thinks she is talking to a small impossibly dumb child right now. “You are giving up this job to date a guy you have known for what, 6 months? That’s stupid, Nick. You know better than that.”

“I do know better,” Nick says, and he is so happy that he does. “And I know this is the better thing. Hiding and lying is not. This is the better thing.”

“You’re being an idiot!” his publicist sounds like she is going into sheer panic right now. “An idiot, Nick. A bloody idiot. Get real here, this is not going to work. I cannot have you tell the world you are dating one of the contestants. Everything we worked for will be ruined!”

“No,” Nick says sternly, shaking his head. “Everything _you_ worked for might be ruined. But I don’t care, not anymore. I want this, I want him, I’m choosing this over the job. There will always be other jobs. I can still work the radio, I love the radio. I don’t need the X factor.”

“You are insane!” his publicist wails. “You are being insane!”

“Yep, and you’re gonna help me write a statement about it,” Nick says, because there is no way he is giving in, and no way he is giving this up. He made up his mind, and no one can change it, not now. “And we have finished discussing this.”

“Mr. Grimshaw…”

“Did I stutter?!” Nick asks, not meaning to be this angry but he is also not going to argue this anymore. “You are going to do what I am paying you to do, or believe me, I will have no problem firing you and finding a new publicist that will actually do the work they are told to do. Don’t make the mistake of thinking I can’t replace you.”

She keeps quiet, and it is quiet for a long time before she sighs.

“Where do you want us to start?”

 

\--

 

“Nick Grimshaw, Grimshaw, can we get a comment?”

“No comments right now, you have what you need,” Nick says, trying to get though the crowd gathering outside of the studios to the BBC radio 1. There are journalists and photographers and Nick can’t even see how many, just that there are a few too many for him to actually get through to work. He can see the security guards starting to ask people to leave, and finally most of them give up.

“Are you dating Louis Tomlinson? Are you leaving together? Is it true love?”

Nick rolls his eyes, because even if it’s too much close to the truth, there is something just silly about it all. He is about to just go into the reception when he notices a few fans standing there, by the looks of it been there since way before dawn.

“Are you and Louis dating?” one asks, she can’t be more than 16. Her friends hold on tight to each of her arms, and Nick finds himself smiling.

“Why do you wanna know?” he asks, taking a step inside while he is still making sure he can hear the girls. She smiles.

“Because you are really cute together. And when he looks at you and you look at him, you look really happy.”

Nick smiles, and then he finds himself nodding.

“Yes, yes we are.”

The girls let out a little squeal before Nick pulls away, getting inside the studio. Fiona comes to meet him.

“Well hello Mr. Drama, you never cease to amaze anyone do you?”

Nick chuckles and hugs her tight.

“Are you surprised, really?”

Fiona shakes her head.

“Nope not really. So do you have any plans on how to avoid questions about this on the show?”

Nick grins.

“Nope. But we’ll figure it out, won’t we?”

 

\--

 

“X factor is shocked to let go of Louis Tomlinson, one of the acts that have been destined to be one of the final acts in the show this year,” Zayn reads from the magazine he is holding. Louis closes his eyes, listening to Zayn’s voice, even if he doesn’t really care what it says. Zayn keeps going. “Rumours about Louis and Nick Grimshaw has been going around for months, and it seems like maybe it was some truth considering that also Nick Grimshaw is leaving the show. Tomlinson, being the last of Nick’s three boys, leave the show before this week’s live show, and a statement on Grimshaw’s side tells that this is because of personal reasons. Well, could that personal reason be that we saw Louis and Nick holding hands while going to the Christmas lights switch on? Could be, and as always, we will keep you updated.”

Louis lets out a laugh.

“God, how did they even get pictures of us holding hands?”

“Well, it’s their job,” Zayn says, and he puts the magazine down, looking over at Louis with a familiar worry in his eyes. Louis wishes he could stop worrying. “Are you okay?”

“Zayn, we have been over this,” Louis sighs. “I am fine, I know what I’m doing and I don’t regret it, at all. I wanted this, Nick wanted this and well... it will be okay, I know it will be okay.”

“I just want to make sure, I’m sorry,” Zayn hums, leaning over to pat Louis’ arm gently. “Because I know you wanted this really bad, and now it’s… gone.”

It stings a little as Zayn says that. Louis knows he is right, but he shrugs.

“Yeah well, if it is meant to be, I can… still be a singer, right? I just hope that the labels will soon get over the fact that I quit this… I mean, Nick warned me, saying that Simon has been going around badmouthing us a bit because he is pissed at us and well, he’s got lots of power and… yeah, it could be that people will stay away from me now.”

“They will be idiots to,” Zayn says softly. “They are all idiots if they don’t want you.”

Louis smiles.

“You’re sweet, did you know?”

Zayn grimaces and pokes Louis’ side.

“Yeah, but don’t go around telling people about that okay?”

Louis grins, nodding as he hugs Zayn even tighter.

“I promise your secret is safe with me.”

“It better be,” Zayn grins and then adds with a hum. “So when will you give my number to that fit boy in that boy band anyway?”

Louis grimaces in a way he does when his sisters (that are way too young to think of anything remotely close to someone being attractive, thank you very much) asks if Zayn is single.

“Never, because you are still not going to hit on him.”

“Come on!” Zayn complains. “You are out of the competition now, and if you are out, doesn’t that mean I should get a chance to get in…”

“Don,t, don’t don’t say that!” Louis yells, covering his ears as if Zayn is saying awful things. “You are not going to ‘get in’, nope it’s not happening, no no _no_.”

“Fine,” Zayn sticks his tongue out. “I guess I’ll have to follow him on twitter and beg for his number like the normal fans, huh?”

Louis throws a pillow at him.

“You are the absolute worst, I take back everything good I have ever said about you _ever_.”

Zayn smirks. He knows that it’s not true, and well Louis knows that too, but it doesn’t mean he can’t say it now and then. Zayn gets up from the bed, grinning as he leaves the room, turning to face Louis just as he closes the door.

“Anyway, I already blew him in the bathroom when you were late that one time,” he grins, then escaping as Louis throws yet another pillow at him.

 

\--

 

Nick is almost nervous again as Louis says he will come over, as if he thinks Louis won’t show up now. Louis does though, carrying pizza and soft drinks with him, and it makes Nick smile.

“I’m sorry,” he says as they are sitting down to eat. “You know, about this whole mess, about ruining your career and…”

Louis shakes his head.

“Don’t worry about it, I mean it, I… I am over it.”

“Don’t act like that, you know I… I know that… just don’t pretend it’s nothing!” Nick says, shaking his head before taking a sip of the soda. “This meant a lot to you and I…”

“We both made the decision, not just one of us,” Louis points out. “So we will not do this, okay?”

“But still…” Nick knows he shouldn’t argue this but he just really wants to make sure that Louis knows that he cares about this happening. That it wasn’t just something he did, that he is very aware of how important this was to him. Louis sighs again though, rolling his eyes and reaching over to Nick to cup his jaw with one hand.

“Nicholas Grimshaw, stop arguing this with me,” he says as he glares at him. Nick swallows, nodding as he closes his eyes. “Seriously. If I didn’t want this, I wouldn’t have gone through with it. I would have told you to get lost, I would have ended whatever it was we had and I would have continued doing what they wanted me to do. But I didn’t want that, right? I wanted this thing, with you. And people can call me insane for giving it up for a guy but hey, I was never one for being smart in the first place and anyway, my mum always taught me to follow my heart before anything and well, that’s what I’m doing.”

Nick opens his eyes. Louis is still looking at him, looking confident with big blue eyes that meets Nick and well, Nick is very grateful that he feels this way about him because Nick feels the same.

“I just… I guess we… I mean I guess I just wish we could have, or you could have, both things,” Nick says and Louis shrugs, pressing a kiss to the corner of Nick’s lips before he pulls away.

“Well, that’s the thing isn’t it? Unless you are Hannah Montana it’s kind of difficult to get the best of both worlds,” he winks and Nick needs to roll his eyes now.

“Hannah Montana reference. Nice.”

“She’s the best!” Louis defends himself, and Nick just needs to kiss him. He just needs to. He still can’t believe he is lucky enough to be able to kiss Louis whenever he wants to.

“You sure you don’t regret it?” he asks again once they break the kiss due to lack of air, and Louis smiles, running his fingers through Nick’s quiff.

“I don’t regret it at all.”

Nick can’t help but smile.

“Me either.”

 

\--

 

Arctic Sulks wins the X Factor after a nerve wrecking finale where Louis thinks he might just throw up from being nervous. He and Nick are watching it back home, there is no mention of either of them, and Louis’ only regret right now about this whole thing is that he is not there to celebrate with Harry, Liam and Niall.

As the results get called out, both Niall and Liam jump on Harry and they fall into a messy pile on stage with the other contestants running over to congratulate them.

“I knew it, I knew they would win,” Nick says with a smile as he takes a sip from his glass of wine, and Louis has tears in his eyes as he nods.

“They deserve it, they deserve it so much. They worked so fucking hard.”

“No cursing,” Nick says, really just to tease because he knows it annoys Louis. “But yeah, I agree.”

“You better fucking agree,” Louis says just to prove a point, flipping Nick off.

“They’re gonna go far,” Nick hums and then he turns to Louis, pulling him closer. “So… now when this whole crazy thing is over, I was going to ask you something.”

Louis feels his heart beat faster, he is not sure why.

“Uh, and what is that?” he asks, and Nick looks so nervous it’s cute, even if Louis can’t really focus on that now.

“I know you live with Zayn and I know you like it but…” Nick bits his lip, swallowing hard. “I was kind of going to ask if you… maybe wanted to move in with me, because you know… Pig misses you when you’re not around, I miss you when you’re not around and it’s just…”

Louis interrupts his rambling with a kiss.

“You’re really asking me to move in with you?” he asks, his voice only a whispers as he holds onto Nick with a strong grip. “Really, Nick Grimshaw?”

“Really,” Nick nods, and he looks serious even if there is a smirk spreading on his lips. “Unless you say no, because if you do, this was just a joke.”

“You’re an idiot,” Louis mumbles, kissing him again. Nick lets out a soft whimper.

“So can I take this as you saying yes?”

Louis responds to that by kissing him again.


	6. new beginnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR, LAST CHAPTER OF THIS FIC AND A GREAT WAY TO START 2016. Please enjoy and also thanks to my betas as always xx

“The album will be released soon, we are stressing through it a lot,” Liam says, stirring his spoon in his coffee. The three boys from Arctic Sulks are visiting Nick and Louis, and now they are telling them all about what has been going on since they left the show. “Not really maybe how we had planned to have our first record to get out…”

“But we’re not complaining,” Niall interrupts, giving Liam a look. “Because it’s all we could dream of, really. And we have the X Factor live tour coming up as well! Too bad they didn’t let you come. You should have, you were in the top 6.”

“I got fired,” Louis says with a soft smile. “They weren’t going to let me go on tour ever.”

“Still…” Harry says, giving Louis a smile. “It’s sad. It would have been lovely having you there with the rest of us. Ella says hi too. Jay doesn’t, but you know how Jay is.”

“Bet he celebrated when I was kicked off,” Louis comments and the others starts to laugh.

“Well, maybe not so that everyone knew that was what he was doing but well, there were sure some extra shots ordered from his side that night,” Liam says, nudging Niall’s side. “But the rest of us, we only had extra shots because we were sad you were gone.”

“Or just because we wanted extra shots,” Niall adds and Liam nods.

“Or just because we wanted extra shots, yeah that’s true. Anyway, you need to tell us what is going on, right Louis? Still working with music? Still everything okay with the boy?”

Louis grins and nods.

“Things are great with Nick and me, it’s really… yeah it’s great,” he says fondly, before a shadow falls on his face as he realises he must answer them about the music as well. “We uhm… I mean, there’s not much to say about… music, because, I uhm, I tried to make some calls and Nick tried to make some calls but yeah, Simon has clearly been talking a lot about me and not in a positive way so not many wants to work with me. It’s fine though,” he adds as he can see Harry looking sad. “I will figure something out, I mean, if something comes up it will and I mean, I don’t regret doing any of this. I really don’t.”

“That’s good,” Harry says, reaching over to give Louis’ hand a squeeze. “I’m happy for you Louis, I really am. I know we haven’t been able to keep in touch much, but you know that we all support you right? I really do think you made the right decision.”

The others nod as well, and Louis can’t help but smile.

“Yeah, I mean, I’m sure I did too, I don’t regret it one bit,” he says with a smile as he looks at each and one of them in order. “I knew this was the right thing to do.”

“And anyway, as soon as Simon gets bored the other companies will start to realise they do want to sign you,” Niall says, giving him a nudge again. “You know that right? All will be fine.”

Louis smiles as he looks at them, and then nods.

He is pretty sure it’s already just fine, the way it is.

 

\--

 

“Pig, Pig come on calm down, let me get your leash off at least!” Louis curses. Pig is the only dog Louis has ever met that seems to have more energy after a long walk, and as soon as they are inside she wants to jump and run everywhere, preferably with Louis stuck at the other end of the leash. In the middle of it all Louis’ phone starts ringing, and now he’s got a vibrating pocket and a crazy dog and he almost falls flat on his face before he manages to get Pig’s leash off her, and then fish his phone out of his pocket to hit the green button. He doesn’t recognize the number but he is too stressed to even care about it.

“Hello?”

“Hello? Am I speaking to Louis Tomlinson?”

The voice on the other end is male, sounding very serious from the sound of the first words and Louis gets a feeling that this is not a conversation he should have on the floor. He stands up, nodding in response and then curses on the inside for not speaking up.

“Uhm, yes yes, this is him. Me. I mean I am Louis Tomlinson,” he wonders why he always stops being able to speak properly now. The man continues, sounding relieved that he found who he was searching for.

“Well hello, Louis, my name is Jeff Azoff and I am calling you in business today. I, together with my record label of course, would like to offer you the opportunity to sign with my label as a solo artist, releasing a solo album and singles this year with songs and ideas of both our choices.”

For a moment Louis doesn’t even understand what he heard.

He can’t believe this is happening. Louis doesn’t even realise what he just heard, he isn’t sure he is even actually awake because he can’t be. This can’t be happening. He takes a deep breath.

“Louis?” the man asks again and clearly, Louis should speak up. “Are you still there?”

“What did you say?” Louis asks, because he can’t quite believe what he just heard. He really can’t. The man clears his throat, repeating what he said again.

“I want to offer you a record deal with my label. We like your voice Tomlinson, we like what we saw, and we want to take a chance on you.”

Louis needs to sit down. He does just that, causing Pig to walk over to him and put her head in his lap now when she has gotten rid of all the energy. Louis pets her slowly as he still tries to process what it is that just happened, what he was just told.

“A record deal?” he asks, wondering if this is some kind of joke but it doesn’t sound like that, it doesn’t sound like that at all. Still, it’s been weeks, months even since the X Factor live tour ended, and he has heard nothing, not a word from anyone.

“Yes. We will get you in the studio, we’ll promote all we can about you and the music and then we hope you will sell enough to send you out on a UK tour. We might have you open for one of our girl groups, and that could bring just the audience you need.”

“They didn’t want me,” Louis says, not sure why this is something he is arguing when clearly this man wants to offer him something he has been wanting all his life. He just can’t shake the feeling that this is a joke, or will be a joke – that the man on the phone, Jeff Azoff unless Louis mistakes the name, is going to take it all back once he’s got Louis to agree to it. “X Factor, they… why do you want me? You know that…”

“Please,” the man says and Louis can almost hear him waving his hand dismissively. “Those idiots? Cowell’s crew? They don’t know what’s good for them. They will overwork people, throw them away and also bet their money on the wrong people. We have faith in you Tomlinson. It doesn’t matter to us who you are dating. What matters to us is your voice, your stage presence and that we think you would be able to sell lots and lots of records.”

Louis feels like he can’t breathe. In a good way, if there is a good way to lose your ability to breathe. It is in this case.

“Mr…?” he says stupidly, because again he is not sure of the name. The man laughs.

“Azoff. I’ll send over all the documents of course, and you can have your lawyers look it over. I’ll expect to hear from you soon though, and I hope that it will be a positive answer you will give me.”

Louis nods, before once more realising that while being on the phone the other person actually can’t see you unless you are face timing, which they aren’t.

“Uhm yes, yeah I will… I will do that,” Louis says, and Azoff lets out an approving chuckle.

“Well that’s perfect Mr. Tomlinson. I’ll talk to you soon!”

As they hang up, Louis looks down at Pig. Her head is still in his lap, and she looks up at him as if she doesn’t understand either what just happened.

“Did you hear that?” Louis whispers, and Pig gives him a bark as if to say yes, or just to say that she wants food, Louis isn’t sure because he doesn’t speak dog yet, and he is pretty sure that even if Nick says that he does, it’s just a lie. It doesn’t matter though. He will take it as a yes, and that means he wasn’t imagining that call. It happened.

 

\--

 

Louis doesn’t tell Nick about the deal and the papers until they actually get there, and he’s had his mom and Zayn who is a bit into documents and all that to look them over to see that it’s actually not a lie. He still can’t believe that it’s happening, he reads them so many times, he needs Zayn to look at them and tell him that it’s actually real and it’s not until they are actually signed by both him and Azoff, when the signed copies get there and he gets his own, that he shows them to Nick.

They have ordered Indian food, sitting down on the sofa before watching some re-runs of a cartoon that Nick likes, and Louis clears his throat as he just hands over the papers.

“Here, I want you to look at this.”

Nick looks a bit surprised but the takes the papers, putting his glass down and starting to read through them.

Louis has never been this quiet in his life, and as their eyes meet again he isn’t sure what to expect from the way Nick is looking at him.

“You got offered a record deal?” Nick asks as he is finished reading, looking at Louis with big eyes. “God Louis, that’s… that’s amazing. Congratulations! God, I…”

“I’m gonna say yes,” Louis nods, now when he knows it’s real he is excited in a way he hasn’t quite dared to be yet. “I mean, I already said yes, I… they are signed and… it’s mine and…Fuck, this is really happening.”

“God,” Nick whispers and then he gets up, wrapping his arms around Louis and lifting him up as he kisses him harder than he ever has before, more with love than Louis has ever felt. “I knew it, I knew it wasn’t the end, I knew it was only the beginning.”

“That’s not what you said the first night,” Louis points out with a grin. “You said…”

“Shhh…” Nick hushes him but Louis can’t help but tease.

“You apologized for ending my career and…”

“God, shut up we are celebrating you insufferable twat!” Nick says fondly as he laughs, putting Louis down to kiss him soft and passionately. “Remind me again why I love you.”

“You think I’m amazing,” Louis murmurs against his lips. “You think I’m perfect and the best thing to happen to you and…”

“God you are full of yourself,” Nick mutters, but the way he kisses Louis again tells Louis that Nick really doesn’t mind it at all.

 

\--

 

“I don’t know, but this song…” Zayn says, pointing to one of the demos in front of them on the table. “That seems more you, and if I was the one deciding on singles, I would pick that one. It shows you, who you are as an artist, what you can do, and it’s just, it’s a good one for you.”

“I agree,” Harry says with a big grin as he looks at Zayn and Louis just wants to roll his eyes. Being around those two is making him sick. He isn’t even sure why they aren’t together if they are going to act like an old married (gross) couple whenever they are in the same room.

“Yeah yeah, we know, you agree with everything Zayn says,” Louis says because well, if they are going to be annoying, he can be annoying right back at them. “Anyway…”

“Well I agree too,” Liam says with a little smile. “I think you should really pick that one Louis and you know, we would love to collaborate. Maybe not for this album because our schedule and well you know… Simon…” he grimaced as the other agreed, because really this was still a bit of a touchy subject. At least for Simon. “But next album maybe.”

“Hey,” Louis shook his head, laughing nervously. “We don’t even know if there will be another album, maybe no one will buy this one and my music career will be over as soon as it started.”

“Don’t say that!” Niall says, and the others agree. “Come on Louis, think positive, if you think you’re gonna fail of course you are gonna fail, right?”

“I know, I just…” Louis grimaces. “It feels so dumb to think that this will all work out when I really don’t know. I know they are doing a lot to get me good promo and PR, but I still don’t know if it will actually work you know? I might end up just…”

“Nope, nope, nope,” Zayn says, covering Louis’ mouth with his own hand. “That’s the end of this, okay? No more negative thinking from you mister. Instead, we should have ice cream or something. Don’t you agree?”

“I agree!” Harry smiles brightly, and now both Louis, Niall and Liam roll their eyes.

“We know!”

 

\--

 

Louis is taking Pig for a late walk when he realises Michael is leaving the house as he gets back. Louis feels awkward within seconds.

“Uhm…” he says as Michael looks up and notices him too, and from the look of it Michael looks just as awkward.

“Hi,” Michael’s voice is soft though, kind, and he doesn’t seem angry or anything. “I was just meeting Nick.”

Louis is quiet. Pig walks over to Michael though, clearly happy to see him and Louis just feels bad.

“You know I…that’s not something you have to explain to me,” Louis says, because it’s really not. “You are friends, you are allowed to hang out.”

“Yeah I just… didn’t want it to get awkward or something,” Michael shrugs, and Louis is tempted to say that they kind of made it awkward just now, but he doesn’t do that.

“I just…” Louis says instead, but he realises he is literally saying the same thing as Michael and that makes him feel dumb. He shakes his head. “I’m just sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” Michael says quietly, and then a smile spreads on his face. “Really, Louis. I know I was a bit… hurt, but honestly, you did nothing wrong and Nick didn’t either. Me and Nick we were never… a thing like that. And I could tell he liked you right from the start, and I’m happy, for both of you.”

Louis blushes, he tries to think of something to say but he can’t, so he just keep quiet. Michael keeps going.

“And seeing you together was hard at first, that’s why I did the whole… unfollowing thing, but now everything is good, right? I am okay, you are okay and well, I have already pre-ordered your new single.”

Louis looks up at that, and he can’t help but smile.

“Did you really?”

“Of course I did,” Michael smiles, scratching Pig behind her ears. “You are really talented.”

Now Louis is blushing, because even if he is used to hearing that, he hadn’t really expect to hear it from Michael, that really has no other reason to tell him that other than to be nice, and for some reason it makes him feel better.

“Thank you,” he says softly, and then clears his throat. “You uhm, you are invited you know? To the album launch. If you want to come. I can have Nick text you the details.”

Michael smiles.

“I… that would be nice, thank you, Louis.”

Louis nods. It seems like they have said everything they can right now though, because Michael lets out an awkward laugh.

“Well, I don’t wanna keep you, I should get going anyway. It was nice talking to you, Louis.”

“You too,” Louis echoes, and then Michael gives Pig a little kiss on her head before he waves to Louis, getting into his car.

“Was that you and Michael having a conversation?” Nick asks as Louis and Pig gets inside, and Louis rolls his eyes.

“Don’t, you know we never have any problem with each other,” Louis teases. “Did you make tea?”

Nick chuckles before nodding.

“Yes, of course I made tea.”

“The right kind?” Louis eyes him carefully, and Nick grunts and nods.

“Yes, the right kind your highness. Now let’s get tea and dog cuddles in bed.”

“Pig is not allowed to be in our bed,” Louis points out, mimicking what Nick always tells him when he sneaks Pig into the bedroom, especially during lazy Sundays and nights when he can’t sleep. Nick laughs.

“Well, I’m in a good mood, let’s keep it that way, and Pig always helps.”

 

When they are curled up in bed, Pig falls asleep before either one of them, and Nick wraps his arms around Louis.

“You spoke to Michael?”

Louis nods.

“Yeah. It was… nice. I mean I thought he hated me or something.”

It feels kind of foolish to say that, but it’s really how Louis felt. Nick smiles and shakes his head.

“Michael isn’t like that, you know? Not a hater. I mean he can get angry and stuff but he is… not a hater. He’s Michael, and he is good and sweet and he just… yeah I mean, things got a bit too much.”

“I invited him to the album launch,” Louis says quickly, hoping that Nick won’t get upset by it. “I mean you don’t mind right? I just figured… I mean you are friends and I don’t feel anything… bad about him being there. I told him you would text him the details.”

Nick looks a bit surprised, but not angry. Not that he is ever really that angry with Louis, not in a serious way, but still.

“He wanted to come?”

Louis nods, closing his eyes and getting even more comfortable in Nick’s arms.

“Yeah, he said he wanted to. Said he had already pre-ordered the single and stuff.”

Louis can feel Nick smiling against his skin, his lips pressed against Louis’ temple.

“That’s nice. I’m really glad you invited him Louis. I know most wouldn’t.”

Louis shrugs.

“Well, I’m not most people right?”

Nick chuckles, shaking his head.

“No, you’re far from that.”

Louis keeps quiet for a bit, tucking his face in the crook of Nick’s neck and just staying there for a moment, making sure he is completely pressed against Nick before he speaks again.

“Nick?”

“Mmm?”

Nick is getting tired, Louis can hear it in his voice but he hopes he will stay awake just for a moment longer, just so that Louis can talk for him a bit more, before they both drift off to sleep.

“What if my album isn’t… I mean what if no one buys it?”

Nick lets out a low chuckle, shaking his head as he pulls Louis even closer.

“That won’t happen, Lou.”

“But what if it does?” Louis asks again, because he just wants to talk about this, no one wants to talk about it. “What if…”

Nick grabs his cheek, tilting his head up so that their eyes meet. His eyes look calm and loving, and Louis feels calmer just from looking at him.

“Louis, believe me,” Nick whispers, holding him in place for just a moment. “Everything will work out. You are doing great promo, you have worked hard and it will work out just fine for you. And even if it’s not a number 1 this time, you will get that one. Don’t worry. I have all the faith in you, and I am not just saying that because I’m in love with you. Remember? It was never about my feelings for you or if I liked you, I was always focused on your voice, your stage presence, the way you acted. The way you could sing almost everything, the way you affected the crowds with your voice and you still kept your feet on the ground. You work hard, you are a great singer and that’s what’s important to me. That’s what made me have faith in you through auditions, through bootcamp, through judge’s houses, through live shows… your talent, nothing else. And that’s why I’m saying this now. Not because I’m in love with you, not because I’m your boyfriend. But because I really do love you, singer Louis Tomlinson,” Nick smiles. “And I know you will do great.”

Louis wants to cry. But he also doesn’t want to cry so instead he just leans in, kissing Nick with all the love he has in him.

“Thank you,” he whispers, and he can feel Nick smiling against his lips.

“You’re welcome. Now can we please sleep?”

Louis smiles. They can.

Everything will be okay.

 

\--

 

“We’ve got a new song coming up today!” Nick announces as Tina reads the last of the news and they are back on air. “Are you excited Fifi?”

“I’m very excited,” Fiona says with a grin. “It’s music we have been waiting for a long time, isn’t it? Like a year.”

“More than a year,” Nick points out and he pushes a few buttons, making sure everything is queued up perfectly. “I’d say that from the moment this person took the stage on that audition, we have been waiting for new music. Waiting, and waiting some more, almost giving up hope…But here it is now, everybody. The absolute, perfect, and amazing new single from the pop sensation of the century, Louis Tomlinson!”

Fiona rolls her eyes. In a fond way, but she still rolls her eyes.

“Overselling it a bit there aren’t you Grimmy?” she asks with a grin. “One might say you are playing favourites here, tsk tsk. Are we even allowed to do that huh, Tina?”

“I am not sure we are allowed,” Tina adds with a soft voice as she looks over at Nick. “Are we really?”

“Well you are allowed to,” Nick grins, and then decides it’s time, and he adds. “Because when your husband’s got a single out that is _this_ good, you can brag a little. It’s a husband privilege, I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules. That’s just the way it is.”

“You were never one to follow rules an…” Fiona starts, rolling her eyes again before it finally dawns on her what Nick just said. It takes a while for Tina too, and on the other side of the table, Nick can see her looking close to fainting.

Fiona’s eyes widen, she opens her mouth, and Nick can hear his phone exploding with notifications and he knows everyone heard. If they didn’t hear, they now have people telling them all about it.

“What did you say?” Fiona asks weakly and Nick can’t stop grinning.

“That Louis Tomlinson’s got a new single out?”

“No that… fuck, you got married?!”

If Vic’s got anything against Fiona swearing on national radio, she doesn’t say anything. She just watches Nick too, and then watches as Fiona runs over to him, knocks over one of the microphones and hugs him tight.

“You got married!” she repeats, hugging him still and Nick wonders if she is actually trying to smother him. “You idiot, you got married and you didn’t tell me!”

“We wanted it quiet,” Nick says sheepily, and holds her close until she breaks the hug. “Just us in the city hall and Pig and then we took off, it was…”

“Fuck, you are married!” Fiona obviously can’t stop saying either that or swearing. “God, Nick. You got married!”

“Yep, and he will be on the radio soon folks,” Nick says, trying to go back into radio mode even if his grin just won’t disappear. “So until Louis gets here, we will play you The Fray, and you will be ready to hear this brand new single. Aren’t you?”

He smiles as the song starts, Fiona still shaking his head.

“You fucking got married,” she repeats, and Nick grins.

He fucking did.

“How?” Fiona asks, but Nick looks at the time and he knows that they only have a couple of minutes and Louis is on his way in.

“Let’s tell that story when we have a bit more time right?” he says with a big smile. “Because it’s a good one.”

“You bloody should have told me you bastard, I am cancelling our friendship!” Fiona complains, but her complaint is buried in Vic and Tina now both coming over to hug Nick and wish him the best.

“Don’t be too nice to him girls, it was very rude of him not to tell us,” Fiona says, and Nick grins.

“Don’t worry, when we are going to have a kid you will be the first to know, I swear.”

He thinks Fiona might actually faint.

 

\--

 

When Nick gets the news he is half sleeping with one arm wrapped around what he thought was Louis until he finds out it’s just a pillow now. Louis is up on the floor, jumping up and down.

“I did it!” he screams out, waking the whole neighbourhood probably. “I am number 1, I did it!”

Nick sits up, grin as wide as ever.

“You did?”

Louis turns to him, grinning at him through the tears and nods.

“I’m number one. UK, Ireland, they are thinking it could go to number 1 in Germany as well and maybe more!”

Nick feels his face almost hurt from the grin he is feeling spreading on his face.

“Oh god, really? All those countries, seriously?”

“All those countries,” Louis repeats, and tears are still streaming down his face as he keeps scrolling through his phone. “God, I can’t believe I’m actually number 1. Number 1, Nick! I’m actually a number 1 and…”

“You al…”

“I swear Grimshaw, if you say I was always number one to you I will punch you in the face.” Louis warns, pointing to him. Nick grins.

“I’ll take that risk.”

“I will do it,” Louis warns again, but Nick just pulls him closer.

“Always my number 1,” he purrs, kissing down Louis’ neck as Louis tries to wriggle free as he giggles. “Always my number 1.”

“Shut up you’re such an idiot,” Louis grunts, but then he rolls them over, pinning Nick down and kissing him hard as he drops his phone next to the side of them. “But you’re my idiot.”

“And you are my number 1.”

“So getting a divorce,” Louis mutters against his lips. “As soon as we are done in bed, this marriage is done.”

“Is it really?” Nick grins and Louis lets out a loud laugh at that, pushing Nick’s boxers down as he kisses his way down his chest.

“Well no, but you know.”

“I feel like you are all threats and not so much follow through,” Nick points out. “You need to work on that.”

Louis looks up at him, eyes a mix of glare and arousal and god, Nick loves him like this in the mornings, even more so when clearly getting good news is what really gets Louis going.

“You want me to work on that, or do you want me to blow you?”

Nick groans, closing his eyes, thinking that it’s really not fair of Louis to say that.

“The second part. Second part sounds good,” Nick gasps, and Louis purrs.

“Thought so,” he mumbles as he swallows Nick down in one go, and Nick can’t think of anything else but the way he don’t want this to ever end. Ever.

 

 

_3 weeks earlier._

 

Louis’ face is like a thousand suns as he looks out over what Nick can only describe as paradise. It’s cheesy, he knows, but this is an island with everything that Nick has dreamed about and it has been over one year since they met the first time, over one year of everything being ups and downs and it’s just amazing to know that they are here. Only them, no one else, no one to bother them in this moment. It’s them, this luxury suite, a lot of drinks and Louis looks so happy.

“You are spoiling me,” Louis whispers as he looks back at Nick. “This is really too much, Nick, honestly.”

“Well, if you think so we could always go back home to rainy London,” Nick teases, and Louis quickly jumps on him, tackling him to the soft bed.

“No thank you,” he says with a grin, as he peppers Nick’s face with kisses which Nick isn’t sure is actually lovely or just ticklish. He guesses he will settle on both. “I would like to stay here. Can we just never go home, ever?”

“Well we could, but that would mean that you miss everything that you have been working hard for,” Nick points out as he wraps his arms around Louis’ body. He smells of vanilla and tea and cologne, and Nick doesn’t want to change this for anything in the world. “You know, album release, single release, trying to see if everything reaches number 1, those things.”

Louis rolls his eyes.

“Well, when you put it that way…” he says with a little grin, and now he reaches in to kiss Nick properly. They kiss for a moment, Nick holding onto Louis as their mouths melt together, in ways Nick wasn’t sure a kiss could happen in, but clearly when it’s like this, it can. Nick’s hands move over Louis’ back, sighing happily as Louis breaks the kiss, rolling over so that he is next to Nick. Nick’s fingers move over Louis’ arms, tracing the tattoos there and looking down at him, keeping his eyes locked on his.

“I love you,” Nick whispers softly, brushing a thumb over Louis’ cheekbones. “You know that, right? I really love you.”

Louis nods, smiling as he presses a kiss to Nick’s nose.

“I kind of love you too,” he murmurs, his eyes sparkling as he says it. “Just don’t want people to find that out,” he adds with a teasing tone and Nick just needs to roll his eyes again.

“Why do I even want to propose to you?” he says with a sigh and Louis stops whatever it was he was doing. Nick watches him.

“What?” Louis asks, and Nick bites his lip.

“I want to propose to you,” he says again, trying to keep his voice calm and steady, even if it’s racing like it never has before. Even if everything in his body, pulse, heart, blood, brain, everything is working in ways he didn’t know was possible. “I want to propose to you Louis Tomlinson.”

Louis stares. He stares, and Nick stares back, and then Louis starts laughing and Nick feels more confused than ever.

“That’s not how you propose!” Louis points out, shaking his head. “You need to do it properly. You need to do it on one knee with a ring and a speech and…”

Nick grins.

“But you always interrupt me when I’m talking.”

“Well that’s because most of the time, what comes out of your mouth is useless,” Louis tells him with a smirk. “But god, you have to try at least Nick, don’t you think I’m worth it. And a ring at least? Please!”

Nick knows Louis is messing with him. He knows it, but it doesn’t mean that he isn’t going to do what he says anyway, because well, he did have a proper plan.

“I have a ring,” he says with a smile, getting out of the bed to look through the drawer where he has hidden the tiny, black, velvet box that he picked out with help from Zayn. “But I am not sure I can get down on one knee though, you know I am not very young anymore.”

“You’re like 7 years older than me,” Louis rolls his eyes. “Come on now.”

Nick grins. And as Louis sits up in bed, Nick gets down on one knee in front of the bed.

“I know you’re only making me do this because you want me to look shorter than you are.”

“That’s not it at all,” Louis laughs, pushing Nick a little. “Now go on, I want to hear this speech.”

Nick takes a deep breath, looking up at Louis.

“Well, Louis Tomlinson. You are kind of annoying. Bit of a brat. You never pick up your clothes, you are very loud, you are awful at getting up in the morning, you are crazy about your tea…”

“This is your proposal speech?” Louis arches an eyebrow. “Not working really well, I am not impressed Grimshaw.”

Nick grins, but then he keeps going.

“But you know, all those things, it doesn’t matter. Because I love all of you. From the moment we saw each other, I knew right there, right then that it was something about you. About us. It took me a while to figure out, but I did. Now here we are. And I love every part of you. I love your kindness, I love the way you always have to make sure your hair looks as if you don’t care about it. I love how you care about your friends, about me, about Pig, about your family. I love that you leave a tiny splash of milk in the fridge even if you should probably throw it out or drink it up. I love that you always make me feel happy. I love that I fell in love with someone that makes me feel like love is real. And I love you. You might drive me insane, you might make me constantly wonder what the hell I was thinking, but you also constantly remind me that every single thing about us is worth it. And Louis, if I’m gonna go insane with someone, I want that someone to be you.” Nick looks up, opening the box to show the ring, and Louis has tears in his eyes, Nick can tell, and Nick is pretty sure he does too but he chooses to not think about that right now. “Louis William Tomlinson… will you marry me?”

“God,” Louis whispers, covering his mouth as tears, big, wet, crocodile tears rolls down his cheeks.

“No, my name is Nick,” Nick points out and Louis slaps his arm playfully.

“Shut up,” he whispers, wiping his eyes as he holds his left hand out for Nick. “Yes, yes, god Nick, of course I will marry you, yes!”

Nick has never in his life done anything as fast as he does when he slips the ring onto Louis’ waiting finger, and then Louis grabs him to pull him up into the bed and they kiss again, Nick falling over as he isn’t sure if they are laughing, or crying, or just kissing, or everything at once – he just keeps going.

“You’re stuck with me now,” Louis whispers in his ear. “You’re stuck with me forever”

“Sucks to be me,” Nick whispers back.

(It doesn’t, not at all, not in the slightest.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU AGAIN TO EVERYONE READING. This has meant a lot to me, truly. it's the first time I have EVER published something I've written during NaNoWriMo and I have been scared it wouldn't be good enough and just, I am so happy for all of you that reads, comments, just sends me messages and talks about it with me or in tags or anything. it means SO MUCH. I am very happy with this last chapter, and I hope you liked it too. I wanted the proposal at the end because I didn't want to ruin the surprise of them getting married, so that's why some might think it's a bit out of place. I couldn't find a better way to put it in there. Anyway THANK YOU SO MUCH. I love you all very very much and I hope for a 2016 with lots and lots and LOTS of Tomlinshaw. xx

**Author's Note:**

> to discuss tshaw, other things, i am babygotstyles @ tumblr and twitter, hit me up


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